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TheMaskMaker

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Blog Entries posted by TheMaskMaker

  1. TheMaskMaker
    I wasn't able to make a blog post yesterday, primarily because I worked a full 12 hour shift and had a lot of errands to run. I worked another 10 hour shift today, and then went out to celebrate my friend's 21s birthday, and I'm all kinds of exhausted. I will say that today was an excellent day, I woke up well rested, got to work precisely on time, and my work flow was just busy enough to make the day go by quickly, without making me feel swamped. My manager is on vacation so there were positive vibes all around, and everyone was in a stellar mood. After work, I picked up a few friends, to go out and celebrate. As I said, a friend (a very close friend, at that) turned 21 today, and I wanted to treat her. Her birthday is on the ides of march, which has always been a geeky gag we like to plan around, though this year we made an exception. We went out to some italian restaurant she likes a lot, and then went back to her place to get her drunk, and to play Fallout 4. She had never really touched alcohol before, so we all made sure she didn't overdo it. It was an entertaining and relaxing night, for everyone involved. (I'm very aware that I'm only 20. I do not condone under aged drinking, and I'm not even claiming I drank anything tonight. I was just there as a source of transportation, entertainment, and cash. I'm sure that everyone is aware that drinking is a lifestyle choice, not a moral tragedy. You should always drink responsibly, and within moderation (for some reason I feel obligated to say that. Can't imagine why))
     
    So, at around 11-ish, the party had died down, most everybody had left, save for me, and another close friend. At this point we were all just laying in the dark, talking. It was chill, nothing serious or philosophical, just a friendly chat between three very good friends. Our conversation kept getting interrupted however, by a violent buzz on the table where I had left my phone to charge. Generally, unless it's my girlfriend, my phone just doesn't go off. I was certain she was in bed, so I wasn't in a hurry to check it. When the buzzing wouldn't cease, I began to worry something might be wrong, so I excused myself from the conversation to check it in private.
     
    Now, this is the only aspect of today that is even mildly agitating. Everything, up to this point, had been chill.
     
    When I checked my phone, it was a number I didn't recognize. When I gave it a quick run through google, it came up as a number in a city several hours away, and it wasn't linked to anyone's social media account. I opened the message to politely ask who was texting me (though, more likely to tell them they had the wrong number) but instead of a courteous "hello" or anything of the like, I found a cryptic greeting, in which I was addressed by my last name. Throughout the exchange that followed, they never once used my first name. The texts vaguely claimed to know things about me, and things I'm "capable of." They claimed they had need of my "services," and that they would be contacting me again soon, with instructions on exactly what they need. I'm just a humble tech salesmen. I equally represent several manufacturers and service carriers, in exchange for a cut out of contractual fees from every sale. I don't have "skills," and I don't offer "services." This was very clearly some sort of attempt at a prank.
     
    So now I had to decide whether to take the bait, or just block them. With very little digging, I found out they were using a pinger, so there was no use in even blocking them. Since I couldn't block them, I decided to just call them out, and hammer them in submission, or at least pester them until they got bored. I'll be honest, if I'm unacquainted with someone, I don't want them having my number. It's a serious pet peeve of mine, I like my privacy when I'm not online. Sadly, calling them out had seemed to only escalate the issue into stranger territory. They started listing really off-the-wall things I've done recently. Before this, I was able to narrow it down to two people I knew, based off the speech pattern. The events they were naming were things that no single person could really know about. I couldn't create a timeline in which any one person knowing those things could even begin to make sense. Either I'm dealing with several friends, or something peculiar is going on.
     
    When I grew tired of their long-winded, and painfully vague messages, I terminated the conversation. What really struck me as odd though, was they legitimately seemed insulted. They acted as if they had taken time out of their night for me, and I had just spat in their face. It's really no skin off my back, I could care less. The whole situation was just... irritating. There's really no better word for it. It irritated me.
     
    Still, it was a very satisfying night. I spent it in good company, after a decent day at work. My belly is full, my bed is warm, and I don't have to go into work until late into the afternoon tomorrow. All things considered, I'm pretty damn happy.
  2. TheMaskMaker
    My girlfriend and I were sat down on the couch, eating dinner and gaming together. I kept thinking about the fact that I was keeping the fact that I'm a brony from her, and as trivial and paranoid as that sounds, it genuinely did bother me; for many reasons. I don't like keeping secrets from her, and there's never been a time when she couldn't accept a part of me. It all sounds silly, at least to me, but the show gives me genuine joy and at the very least I wanted her to give it a try. If I told her, the worst that could happen is that she'd disagree, think it was silly, and we'd laugh it off. Sadly, knowing that, and believing that, were two separate actions. I won't lie, I was nervous. She's a classy, intelligent, and not to mention beautiful, young woman. Telling her something of this nature felt silly, and I was preemptively nervous. So nervous, in fact, that midway conversation I just sort of blurted out "hey babe, pretty sure I'm a brony." I'll admit, I could have been a touch more gentle about working that in, but the words were already out, and it was time to do damage control. She was stunned, obviously, comically holding a fork full of food a few inches away from her shocked expression. I quickly explained to her that how I discovered my love for the show, and how watching it made me happy in a way no other show could really achieve. I explained to her that I'd really like to watch the show with her, and would appreciate it if she would just give it a chance.
     
    She laughed. She REALLY laughed.
     
    It was not the reaction I was expecting at all, and I felt my cheeks flush, quickly regretting I had told her at all. But, as soon as she recovered, she threw her arms around me neck and told me I was a dork. Then she told me she was caught up on the series.
     
    Turns out, she loves the show, and just never brought it up out of courtesy. She thought it was something I would have zero interest in, and didn't want to waste my time with a children's show about ponies. We laughed for at least a half hour, exchanging stories on the lengths we've gone through to not let the other one know we watch the show. We also found out we both love the same pony: Rarity. When it was all said and done, she told me that as soon as I was caught up, we're watching Equestria Girls, and I'm pretty excited.
     
    My relationship with her has been built on a simple foundation: communication is key. If I were to be asked to give advice regarding a healthy relationship, it would be that. Communicate. No matter how trivial it may seem, communicate. That doesn't mean you can't have privacy, but almost all secrets are silly, when you love someone. Whether it helps you discover differences or similarities, it is almost never unhealthy. If communication sparks too many issues, it means a few changes need to be made. Making an effort to let your significant other know what's on your mind, shows you're willing to put work into the relationship I'm proud, to be a brony, and to be able to share that with someone I care for deeply. I have very little interest in telling anyone, past her (I have you guys to chill with, after all). I'm well aware that not everyone has the success I had, when it comes to that sort of thing, so I'm definitely grateful it went well, and I appreciate her that much more,
  3. TheMaskMaker
    I knew, going into freshman year, that I would see very few of my friends after I graduated. At the time, their company was worth the weight of a school day, and past that I would only really see them at parties. With the exception of my closest friends, I left everyone behind after high school. What was surprising to me, that there were a number of people whom I regretted leaving behind. The social aspect of school was of very little importance to me, I was more interested in the opportunities and experiences that many of my classes offered to me (I was lucky enough to end up in a collegiate high school). Still, when you spend years together with people from all walks of life, you're bound to forge unbreakable bonds with at least a few of them. It has been roughly more than two years since I graduated. I started working in the last semester of my senior year, and that career took of shortly after I graduation. I hadn't really put much thought into how much I missed certain people, because I had made an effort to leave as much behind as possible, save for the tools and opportunities I gained that carried the potential to enrich my life. As shitty as it sounds to avoid people who genuinely cared about me, some of which even relied on me, I figured that being an "adult" was more important, and that they would find their own way. For many people I was right, and for those who are still clinging onto the last semblance of their angst filled teenage years, I'm better off without them. I've had the pleasure of watching my friends all mature into working-class educated adults, that benefit society, as well as being a wonderful and welcome presence in my life. Others, that meant a great deal to me, left my life with uncertain times ahead for them, and I was left to merely speculate at their fate. I deeply regret not keeping in touch with them, and giving them the support few others were willing to. I suppose my mistake was treating social interaction in high school as trivial, since it was only school and a very small part of what life has to offer. Of all the things I devalued, because of the time that they entered my life, that was the one thing I should have cherished. Luckily, life sometimes throws you second chances.
     
    Today, I ran into someone who I thought I would never see again. A very close individual, who had been like a big sister for me since I was fairly young. She kept me safe when I was emotionally vulnerable, kept me grounded when I became full of myself, and was always encouraging to me when I dreamed big dreams for my future. She was like a 3rd party observer, floating in and out of my life at seemingly random times, never actually intervening directly with the events that transpired around me. The time we spent together, however, was almost surreal in the way that it just broke social expectations. I remember we danced intimately in the middle of class, just because we could. God, would we find the strangest ways to get into trouble. We snuck out onto the roof, from the second floor, on exam day. It was creatively liberating, albeit silly That's just how we were together, creatively liberated from expecations. Sadly, towards the end of our high school career, one of her boyfriends introduced heroine into her life. It was soul crushing, to watch something like that happen and have no power to stop it. From the looks of things when we graduated, it seemed as if she would be dead in less than a year, and I knew that I would probably hear about it months after it happened. I had given up hope on someone who deserved better. She had a miscarriage a months before graduation day, and when graduation day finally arrived, she never stopped shaking, almost too badly to accept her diploma. It really did seem hopeless. She had different plans for herself, than the fate I had internally condemned her to. I found that out today, while I was out getting groceries. She didn't even recognize me, as I've drastically cleaned up my appearance. I can't say I recognized her either. She looked so healthy, so happy. When she did realize who was staring at her, she pulled me into one of the warmest hugs I've ever experienced. Every moment her and I had spent together came flooding back, and it had never felt so good to be close to a friend. She told me how she had cleaned up her life, how she was living with the young man she's dating (and how he treats her right), and she told me what a relief it was to see I was okay. Despite the state her life was in at the time we parted ways, she never stopped fretting over my well being. Hearing that nearly brought me to tears. She is a shining example of what it means to care about someone, and to love them unconditionally.
     
    I confessed my doubts about her, and the guilt I felt for abandoning her like that. She forgave me, telling me I had every right to, considering the state she was in. I don't know if I believe that she could have deserved that, but I do believe that I have a second chance. Her and I exchanged numbers, and are planning on meeting up at an upcoming concert. I look forwarding to catching up with her, and sharing at least one more day with her. I realized that there is no such thing as a trivial friendship. When someone genuinely cares about you, that's irreplaceable. Even if someone changes in such a way that they're painfully removed from you life, it doesn't lesson the value of the time you spent with them, and those memories should be cherished always. I'm happy to have met the people I have in my life, and spent the time with them that they've graciously given. I'm happily looking forward to all of the people that have yet to enter my life, and the time I'll spend with them.
  4. TheMaskMaker
    I've only been a member of the forums for a few days, and I've only been a brony for less than a couple months. In that short time, I've notices subtle changes in myself, namely that my creativity has come back to me. The creative arts, specifically writing, have always been very near and dear to my heart, but in the last two years that has changed drastically. I apologize if this seems to devolve into a sob story, as that isn't my intention, in fact I'm quite content with the state of my life; there are just a few things that need to change in order for me to be truly happy.
     
    In the last two years, I managed to penetrate the tech industry, and I've found myself at the forefront of each and every new gadget; I've also found myself living quite happily off of the sales of those gadgets. Ashamedly, I'm really only befitting off the work of bigger better entities, and the nature of the sales I make is generally at great expense, over a long period of time, to the consumer. I'm certainly not proud of myself, or the position I hold, and I've sacrificed a lot in the name of money and comfort; it's as though I"m trying to fill some selfish gap that formed when I was younger and stupid, taking much of what I had for granted. Throughout the events of my petty success, I grew apart from my friends, and gave up entirely on writing, painting, and thinking creatively. I turned into the very thing I spat hate at, as an angsty teenager. I'm a corporate slave, and even with the knowledge that I've reached the highest rung that anyone will let me (that rung being nothing to even brag about), I have yet to turn a course and rekindle my love for life.
     
    Yet in just two days, this forum has changed that. I can already feel myself looking at things from a different perspective. It may just be coincidental, a subtle psychological shift that happened within the last week, and I'm just now noticing it; after all, I've hardly even contributed to the forum yet. Still, I'd like to attribute it to being a part of a community, one like the righteous MLP fanbase, in a safe place where I can let out violent outbursts of joy, or healthy amounts of every other emotion. Just in the past 48 hours, I've reached out to old friends, and I've even broken out my writing journals. I never thought a children's show, about ponies, would be healthy and beneficial to my life. I'm not questioning it, something about all of this is leaving me happy and inspired.
     
    This all could very well be temporary, it could all be gone in a few months, or a few weeks, or tomorrow. Regardless of if or when it ends, I'm making the conscious decision to start this blog. Every night, I'll likely toss out a few posts, and schedule one or two to drop while I'm at work. I want to avoid it being entirely based around my thoughts on myself, but rather it be my thoughts on the world in motion, around me. You could look at it as a writing exercise, or a thoughtful lounge, or just frequent bouts of mental vomit. Either way, I'm going to keep riding these positive vibes, keep watching this righteous show, and keep trying to better myself as a person. I'm welcoming anyone and everyone to join me on that day-to-day journey.
  5. TheMaskMaker
    I've not been able to type, very well anyway, for the past few days, because my left hand has been a touch numb from fingertips to wrist. Three days ago, I was "bumped" by a car, while crossing the street. A young lady found her cellular activity to be more important than watching out for pedestrians (or red lights, for that matter), and she only managed to stop just quickly enough to only make minor contact with me. I'm really lucky my hip and leg fared better than my hand; my biggest injury truly came from catching myself on the asphalt. To that end, she's really lucky my size elevens didn't go through her grill. After I had a screaming contested with her windshield, she politely rolled down her window and apologized. She even offered to give me a ride to my destination, which I declined based on the driving ability she had just exhibited. Still, that's not why I began writing this post. I'm quite thankful that she did stop in time, and that I'm able to make this post. I still don't really consider myself to have been in any real danger, but everyone around me assures me I was. So I've been getting close to the royal treatment, from everyone. Well, everyone except my significant other, she's pissed (not that I blame her).
     
    Really, I'm only happiest for the treatment I've received at work. For fear of a lawsuit springing from injuring my wrist further, they won't let me do hardly anything. I almost feel bad for sitting around and collecting a paycheck, but mostly I just find it all to be quite comical. Mind you, I'm not milking this at all. As I said, I don't see what the big deal is. Had I been more severely injured, I might be close to considering myself a victim of reckless driving. But I wasn't, and there are those who have suffered far worse, in such a way that has rippled and effected everyone throughout their lives. While I appreciate the concern from my loved ones, as well as the care taken at work, I see this as only something that we should make a brief note of, and then quickly move on from. I'm not petrified of crossing the street, and I'm still in one piece. Life is good.
     
    At the time, I was scared, but more-so I was angry. I very quickly got over that, and went on with my day. Had my hand not gone numb, nobody would have even known what had happened because I wouldn't have had to explain it. If people hadn't made a big deal out of it, I wouldn't have even written this post. My point, in all of this, is the simple act of being thankful. I'm thankful that woman stopped in time, and that's the end of it. People are so concerned with what could have happened, that they begin to treat me as if it had happened. That is wildly unfair to people who have been injured far worse, or even killed. Love, compassion, and showing that we care are all very important things, especially towards the people we care about the most. But they're also very simple things, they don't need to be drawn out to the point of extremes when it isn't necessary.
     
    So, in conclusion, I'm hella thankful, I love my family and friends, and I'm happy they care about me so much. It's more important to care about what we have right now, than what we could have had after an unfortunate turn of events.
     
    Also, for heaven's sake, look both ways when you're crossing. I'm being serious, man. That shit's important.
  6. TheMaskMaker
    Or perhaps "Early Morning" would be a more fitting title. It's currently 5:32 a.m. at the time of writing this, and I can't say I've anything of great importance to say. Nothing particularly noteworthy happened between now and my last post. Nothing ever came of the mildly disturbing texts I received late last night, and I only worked half a shift in the afternoon, today. While today has been but a touch boring, it has left me with plenty of time to reflect on this week, so far. I have to say, everything has seemed to fall wonderfully into place. Maybe I've become more tolerant of minor setbacks, or perhaps things are just going well for me right now. Either way, I've no real reason to complain, not that I'm looking for one. Still, I can't help but marvel at the current state of things. I'm happy, really happy. But I know I could be happier. I could easily stay on the road I'm on right now, in just a few years (assuming nothing changes drastically) I would have enough success to live comfortably, with minor support from my significant other. I've no student loans to speak for right now, and my energy is equally distributed between all of the things that matter, while still leaving room for simple joys. Yet, I can't help but feel I want more. Is that greedy, or is it ambitious? Is there a difference? I don't know what to call the state of my desires, but I do know that I want to continue to pursue the arts, and I want to do what makes me happy. At that same time, I want to take care of the people I love, and I want to live a quiet, comfortably life, with those people.
     
    My girlfriend and I have spoke about this, several times. With her being a pre-dental major, she is absolutely going to make more money than I will, willing that she lands a career. We've also discussed the fact that money means little to us in the face of happiness, as our lives are already appropriately budgeted. She wants me to devote more energy into what makes me happy. I'd very much like to, but I truly can't help feel as though I'm some how letting her down in doing so. I've expressed this feeling to her, and she told me I was overthinking things. She's likely right, but it's our future. It isn't that I'm sacrificing what I want to make her happy, she's already quite content (if only we could freeze time, and live as we are). I'm just afraid that my timing will be off, that things won't fall into place correctly, and I'm afraid of a lengthy recovery time if I'm to fail. This week is like a small scale model of what I desire, but weeks like this are rare enough, let alone several years turning out this way.
     
    But in all honesty, I'm afraid of failure, and that's just plain silly.
     
    What I've come to realize, through observation of the lives around me, is that failure isn't an instant "game over." It just means you've to pick up the pieces. Very seldom is failure something that has detrimental effects on an individual's life, and in the cases that it does it's likely self wrought or generally preventable. I'm not saying that with a sense of absolution, but rather with an air of confidence based on my own course of action. Consider the businesses around today, that filed for bankruptcy decades ago; or the high school dropouts that lead happy and fairly fulfilling lives. I'm certainly not going to strive for failure, but there's no sense in me being afraid of it, especially if it means I won't be chasing my dreams.
     
    The worst thing that could happen, is I come out saying "I tried." I'll still be surrounded by people I care about, I'll still be in relatively good health, and, most importantly, I'll still be happy.
  7. TheMaskMaker
    I wasn't going to make a post today, because I figured today would be boring from an outsider's perspective. But hey, why the hell not? It's all for fun anyway.
     
    Today was lazily relaxing. I woke up around 1 pm, and made breakfast for my girlfriend and myself. We sat down, booted up my computer, and continued rewatching Red Vs Blue. We're halfway through the series, and cranking through, at about a season a day. The episodes are short, and easy to digest, so it was by no means difficult for either of us to spend most of the day sitting still and just enjoying each other's company, while we watched. We chilled out and cuddled, enjoying today's gloomy weather of thick cloud cover, and a gentle breeze. It was pleasant, and the whole day just felt like a dream. I work regular hours, but irregular days, so we never know when we're going to get a day to ourselves like this. We eventually took a break from the show, to make ourselves dinner, and then we watched the first Sherlock Holmes movie, which we also thoroughly enjoyed. It was her first time seeing it, and it's always fun watching someone react to something you enjoy. She loved the movie, and was absolutely charmed by the characters and atmosphere. After the movie, we just laid down and talked. We didn't discuss anything in particular, we just enjoyed a pleasing conversation.
     
    It's 4 am now, and she's been to bed for a while now. I couldn't sleep, for whatever reason, so I decided to log on and type this up. Even now, I'm relaxed by the gentle rainfall outside, and I couldn't ask for a better way to end my day. Days like this rarely make themselves available, and every time one comes around, I can't help but appreciate how the simplicity of it all makes it that much more enjoyable. It's the peace and quiet of days like today that remind me why I work as hard as I do, and encourage me to strive for more like it. As I'm typing this, I'm wearing the same stupid smile I had six hours ago, reflecting on how much I enjoyed just existing today. Later next week, I'll probably feel slighted over some trivial annoyance, and I might even momentarily lose sight of what really matters. A day like today might not even come along for a while from now. Knowing all of that is why I so enthusiastically enjoy the time I have right now, with people I care deeply, for doing something enjoyable, together.
     
    If I had to call it something, I'd call it a really good day.Simple, and sweet. I look forward to what tomorrow brings.
  8. TheMaskMaker
    I noticed something about most of the people I know that are are relatively close to my age. Our sleep schedules are just weird.
    "A college student with weird sleeping habits!? STOP THE PRESSES!"
    I'll give you a few examples. Most often, I'll generally start work at 10 am, and work 11 hours, so I get up at 8 am to shower, get dressed, and drive to work. It would make sense for me to get in bed early every night, but instead I find myself staying up until nearly 5:30 in the morning. Of course I'm beyond tired when I get to work, but by 2 pm, it's like I only lost a little sleep, and my body feels fine. Then when 8 pm rolls around, and my body should be on the verge of collapsing, I'm ready to stay up until 5:30 again. Then on the flip side, on my days off (like today), I'll sleep until 3 pm, and then I'll be beyond exhausted by the time 10 pm arrives. Many of my coworkers, and fellow college students, follow similar routines. One could easily blame it on technology, or the fact that we undergo constant mental stimulation, but I'd like to think that we're all so busy, we stay up late so that we can experience everything we missed out on while fulfilling our responsibilities; our days off are merely resting days. At least that way it sounds less irresponsible and unhealthy.
     
    A little less on the unhealthy side was today's weather. I personally think that the number of people who find rain depressing are equal in number to people who find it relaxing, though that's based solely on my own experiences. I find it very relaxing myself, so perhaps I may be biased. I find it so relaxing, in fact, that something as simple as taking out the recycling was made nearly therapeutic by the gentle downpour. The warmer weather, and recent showers, have me excited for the lightning storms that are on their way. Once the dry heat hits, we get righteous cloud-to-cloud lightning storms, where the lighting doesn't hit the ground often. Everything just gets quiet, save for the gentle rumble above. As much as I love the winter, I'm glad that the warm weather is finally ready to stay. Though with Ohio's weather, you really can't rely on the promise of "spring weather," the cold. finds a way.
     
    Today's weather has also been beneficial to me, in the sense that it has aided me with the inspiration to actually do something. While yesterday I felt inspired and energetic, ready to write and be heard, today I felt boring and unqualified. I started writing this post at 4 pm, it is now 2 am. I just couldn't stick to it. Which, I would say is the one thing I'm going to avoid tomorrow. This is a blog, on the MLP forum, it's not meant to necessarily be interesting, and it's on one of the most friendly forums I've ever joined, so I won't get flamed for being uninteresting. I'm not saying that simply because it's on this site I can't be passionate about it, but I shouldn't treat it like work, I mean christ. I guess I'm putting too much expectation on something that's supposed to be simple and fun. So tomorrow, or rather today after I wake up, I'm going to focus on just that: simplicity and fun. I'll save the complicated stuff for later.
    Well, that's that, for now. Possibly more thoughts in a few hours.
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