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FractalMoon

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Blog Entries posted by FractalMoon

  1. FractalMoon
    Today I broke one of my cardinal rules for using the internet: "Never make a facebook post about your feelings." And right now I'm breaking another one: "Never make a blog post about real life problems."
     
    Over the last year and a half, I've been a semi-active member of this community and had the pleasure of meeting a lot of good people. Some of those people I feel know me a lot better than some of my real life friends... Unfortunately, that's all coming to an end. I've been having a decent year of school, but apparently decent isn't enough. I've been losing sleep over trying to keep my grades up, and it's ended badly for me. I've become more irritable and jumpy, and my grades have suffered since I've started trying as hard as I can to keep myself afloat. At the same time, two of the people I thought were my closest friends have drifted from me so they can spend time with their girlfriends, and the closest friends I still have are someone whose only real interaction with me is playing a game or two when he's not completely swamped with work and someone who's just as smart as me but incredibly annoying. After that it's the person I hang out with occasionally and the two aforementioned friends who I barely talk to due to their girlfriends. This combined stress, along with the lack of my usual outlet in playing games, has led to a further drop in my grades. This has led to my parents deciding I can spend no more than an hour on the computer all day, including doing my calculus homework (it's computer based), which usually takes about an hour on its own, 2-3 hours if it's derivatives. For about a month now this forum has been my only real source of fun and relaxation, and I can't use it anymore. Thanks for bearing with me, I know this is a pathetic thing to rant about when other people have much worse things happening, but this is basically raw emotion. This isn't my "fractalmoon" persona, this is the actual me, and the actual truth. To be honest a lot of you people are more fun to be around than any of my friends, and I'm grateful to all of you for tolerating my sometimes funny, usually annoying, antics.
    Thanks for having me around,
    Brent Singh
  2. FractalMoon

    A look at the past

    By FractalMoon,

    Over the last two years I've had a lot change about my life. I found out how little my two 'best friends' really cared about me, and I got some new friends who are much closer to me. I've had a total shift in my outlook on life, and my taste in music has changed completely. I also discovered my talent and love of entertainment and broadcasting, especially in the form of live streaming games. I've finally realized why I do the things I do, why I act how I act. I like to see people entertained, and if I can make them laugh even a little I feel like I'm making the world that much of a brighter place to live. I don't care that I only have 2 or 3 people who watch me regularly, if those two people are having a good time then so am I. And all this change started with a simple sentence: "Hello everyone, my name is Fractal Moon and you're watching the MVHS Esports Loser's Bracket."
     
    I remember that November day like it was yesterday, despite it occurring more than two years ago. A friend had sent me a link to something called the 'MVHS High School League of Legends tournament' in hopes that I could help him form a team to represent our school. I wound up being unable to participate in that tournament because I was incapable of meeting the entrance requirements, but I arranged with the tournament's host to be able to broadcast the loser's bracket. So I took my crappy headset and joined the first game. That's when it finally dawned on me, I was about to make a fool of myself in front of anyone who was watching. I had little to no experience in broadcast media, and I was all alone in a field where having two people was almost mandatory. It was just me and my almost obsessive knowledge of the game quickly explaining what was happening in game, desperately trying to stave off a blue screen of death, and trying to keep my audience entertained. After the first game I became comfortable, I started interacting with people, and I started having fun. Unlike my normal, somewhat annoying self, Fractal was an interesting person. He was the person I always wanted to be, but never could be. After that day I realized that I was decent at live streaming, and I decided that I would do my best to improve my quality. And I found that I was becoming more like Fractal in real life.
     
    Since then I haven't found the opportunity to stream much, but I still try to whenever I can. The time I tried to make my usually disjointed streams a regular event that people could follow, I had grades drop on me like a ten-ton badger. I'd love to start again some time, but sometimes I wonder if all the people who said I was entertaining were just being nice. That's always been my flaw, I'm always worried that people are just being nice to me because they think it would be wrong to insult the kid who may or may not have something wrong with him and just wants to make people laugh. So to end this already overly long post, I'd like to ask all of you candidly, do you actually like me or are you just nice to me because you think it would be rude to tell me that I'm an annoying jerk who thinks too much of himself?
     
    -Fractal
  3. FractalMoon

    On the future

    By FractalMoon,

    Hey guys, I'm FractalMoon and I'd like to talk about my future. Up till now I've been streaming infrequently on a schedule that boiled down to "Whenever I feel like it, for as long as I feel like." Today I'd like to announce that I'm going to stream every Friday! As of this week, I will be streaming every Friday night from 5 p.m. PST to at least 7 p.m. PST at http://www.twitch.tv/fractalmoongames . Please come and join me for good fun, good games, and good entertainment. I hope you all have excellent days.
    -Fractal
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