Jump to content
Guidelines

Astro Shine

Shadow Beam

By Shadow Beam

    • , No, Not Cast Young stallion

    Astro Shine is a young, regular shaped stallion with blue eyes, a dark gray coat, a disheveled black mane with two white irregular stripes that cover a third of his left eye and a tail with a design alike.

    male Unicorn A black background filled with representations of the moon and stars with a wide grey border to emulate the sight from a telescope.

    It represents his fascination for astronomy. His special talent is his ability to easily learn and also teach about the wonders of the celestial bodies.

    https://buffy.mlpforums.com/2171c13d4e999fef7bf0c0789b72704c.png

    Astro is a quiet, but kind and friendly stallion. When a friend is in need, he always tries to cheer him/her up and help in any possible way. He's also very curious, the excitement of discovery flows through his veins, making him eager to improve himself in any possible way. He loves studying, not only astronomy (Which is, of course, his favourite subject), he also loves to study maths, biology and equestrian history. Astro is a very smart pony, and he loves to put himself to the test to fulfill his need of self improvement.

    Astro likes to stay up at night since the mix of silence and the lovely sky is perfect to read his books. After studying he usually takes a stroll during late night to find a spot and stargaze. He sleeps until midday and then prepares to give a class he organizes to teach astronomy to any pony willing to learn. Astro also has a serious side. Only the extreme stubbornness, ignorance or disrespect from others can drive him to this state. Once he get's mad, he doesn't mind to give a piece of his mind (Or hoof in extreme cases).

    Likes: Feeling pressure, loud noise, waking up early.

    Astro was born and raised during part of his life in Fillydelphia inside a mid class family. Since the very night he was born, he's shown his interest in astronomy. That night he stared at the night sky through the window, completely dazed with its beauty. This little fact actually amused his parents so much that the name he was given is inspired in it.

    Through his youth he attended to regular school, where he was the prized student, having the highest grades in every course. He didn't have a lot of friends thanks to his heavy studies, but it didn't affect him too much since he loved improving himself.

    During his first school years the family business (At first a small enterprise dedicated to the crafting hoof-made glass for decoration until his father had the clever idea of expanding the production into new frontiers, for example mirrors or different varieties of lens for multiple artifacts) grew successful and his family became quite wealthy, making possible for him to get the best scrolls, books and artifacts on the market. Being a teen he received what he wanted more than anything, his first telescope. He spent all the night identifying each star, comet and such until he felt asleep. The next morning he realized something has changed. Standing proudly on his flank, there was a cutie mark. Since that moment he knew what he was going to dedicate his life to: The science of the stars.

    Through months of steady pleading, his parents accepted to send him to study astronomy at the most privileged academy in Canterlot.

    After years of non-stop work, he finally graduated being honor student. Quickly he got a job in Canterlot working as an astronomer, his dream job. Everything was perfect at first, but after some time he realized that the pressure, schedules and responsibilities of his job were taking a big toll on him.

    The breaking point came one day he had to deliver a research of a comet that took months of hard work, precise observation, hundreds of notes and an exaggerated amount of coffe mugs. He had everything settled for that moment, and when a huge storm fell over Canterlot, he disregarded it completely and departed without hesitation, all of his work whom all his blood, sweat and tears went into being protected by an old briefcase. After mere seconds he was already unconscious due to slipping over a puddle of water. Several hours later he woke up in a hospital only to realize two things. One, all of the work he put his soul into was gone, and two, he had to pay the hospital bill. After waking up from a teeny-tiny heart failure (Not really, he just passed out for a whole day, but he likes to make a big deal out of small things when he's stressed out) he received the elating, and immensely relieving news that his work actually hadn't been destroyed. However, being at the verge of the abyss of death led him to realize that he needed to find a peaceful place to live (Unless he wouldn't mind being six feet underground in due time of course). After negotiating with his boss he accepted to keep studying the sky and delivering the information to him in exchange of keeping his wage. He packed his tools, books and scrolls and took the first train to Ponyville. With the bits he had been saving up he bought a nice place and prepared it to become his own "observatory".

    When he woke up after his first day in Ponyville, he was surprised to see that all the ponies there had prepared him a welcoming party. Their kindness strikeed him deeply, therefore in the middle of the party he announced that he would give free lessons of astronomy to any pony willing to learn.

    That was the life he wanted to live.

    Magic: Even if it isn't his favourite subject, thanks to his sharpness he became a very skilled unicorn.

     

    Powers:

     

    -"Starlight": He's able to perform a spell that summons multiple lights that emulate the stars to lighten up dark places. Courtesy of his favourite Star Swirl tome "The Lights Upon Us".

     

     

    Other facts:

     

    -He also has a vast knowledge about biology, math, equestrian history and of course, magic.

     

    -He owns a pet, an owl called "Orion" that he rescued from a pack of timberwolves during one of his night strolls.

     

    -Even being under the rule of Princess Celestia for most of his life, he still prefers Princess Luna since she's the one who raises the Moon, his favourite celestial body.

     

    -When he heard about Twilight Sparkle, he promised himself that one day he would talk to her to see if her knowledge is as huge as they say.

 Share
https://buffy.mlpforums.com/a84958a6131bddaa03bb5d240f7bdbea.png
 Share
Go to eqe characters

User Feedback

Recommended Comments

Troblems

I like your character. A lot. However, to fit within the rules of the section there will need to be some changes.

  • Because we don't know how long ponies live, exact ages aren't allowed.
  • Excuse my ignorance here, I know next to nothing about astronomy. Where did the constellations come from? Are they just random patterns? If they are, that's fine, but they can't be directly influenced by earth's constellations.
  • Each unicorn is allowed 3 spells. It is assumed that each unicorn knows telekinesis to some extent. 
  • If you keep the multiple magic beams, what do they do? What is their point?
  • I'm concerned about the reason as to why he leaves his job, because it implies that the sky changed drastically when Luna stopped being Nightmare Moon. If that's the case, the fact is we don't know if that's the case or not. Clarification is needed there.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Shadow Beam
 

 

I like your character. A lot. However, to fit within the rules of the section there will need to be some changes.

  • Because we don't know how long ponies live, exact ages aren't allowed.
  • Excuse my ignorance here, I know next to nothing about astronomy. Where did the constellations come from? Are they just random patterns? If they are, that's fine, but they can't be directly influenced by earth's constellations.
  • Each unicorn is allowed 3 spells. It is assumed that each unicorn knows telekinesis to some extent. 
  • If you keep the multiple magic beams, what do they do? What is their point?
  • I'm concerned about the reason as to why he leaves his job, because it implies that the sky changed drastically when Luna stopped being Nightmare Moon. If that's the case, the fact is we don't know if that's the case or not. Clarification is needed there.

 

 

Sorry I didn't notice this earlier!

 

1_ Sorry about that, gonna fix it right away.

2_ Random patterns, don't worry.

3_ Gonna fix it.

4_ Beams of light, but if he needs to they also can be used in. Sorry about this, I ran out of ideas, so I came up with this silly ability.

5_ It's a mix between the changes in the sky and, the shock caused by the return of Luna (I mean, one of your rulers comes back after being imprisoned in the Moon for a thousand years, that's kinda surprising enough to cause some troubles). Anyways, if that's not too convincing I can change it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Eloquence

Hi Shadow! Astro Shine is very close to ready, but I can see a couple more details that could use fixing.

 

  • You mention the “family business” growing during Astro’s childhood. It would be nice if you clarified what that business is

  • I doubt that Luna would be able to rearrange the stars, as it takes the magic of the royal sisters (or a whole lot of unicorns) to move just the closest star. Not to mention that if she could, it would make a large part of the study of astronomy useless. You may want to change this part of the story; it can still include Luna, but the “last straw” that makes him quit should perhaps be more emotional and less physical.

  • Teleportation is considered a high level spell, and is therefore very restricted. Because your character’s special talent isn’t magic, I’m not sure he would be able to teleport at all, or if he could it would be very difficult and restricted to short distances, rather than him having “mastered” it as you put it.

  • The Magic Beams spell is not very clear to me. Are these beams energy like we’ve seen Twilight use in combat, or are they light? If they are light, then how is this usefull when he already has the Starlight spell? I noticed you mention that you put together this “silly idea” because you couldn’t think of anything, so it might be helpful to mention that your unicorn does not need to have three spells listed, they just need to have no more than three.

Take care of these, and you should be all set :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Eloquence

I see you've fixed the things I brought up. I like this new portion of Astro's backstory much better. There are a couple of tiny things to fix up in it though

  • I assume the "teeny-tiny heart failure" is meant to be comedic, but you might just want to say that he passed out for a moment
  • A pony would slip in a puddle, not trip over it
  • At one point you write "puted" instead of "put". I don't normally point out typos in applications, but I know you personally will appreciate being able to fix any grammar errors that might show up in your application :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Shadow Beam

 

I see you've fixed the things I brought up. I like this new portion of Astro's backstory much better. There are a couple of tiny things to fix up in it though

  • I assume the "teeny-tiny heart failure" is meant to be comedic, but you might just want to say that he passed out for a moment
  • A pony would slip in a puddle, not trip over it
  • At one point you write "puted" instead of "put". I don't normally point out typos in applications, but I know you personally will appreciate being able to fix any grammar errors that might show up in your application :)

 

  • Comedic indeed.
  • The cover of my flawless logic has been removed.
  • "Puted"? GODDAMN IT! EVERY GOD DAMN TIME!

(Thanks)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Eloquence

 

 

Comedic indeed. The cover of my flawless logic has been removed. "Puted"? GODDAMN IT! EVERY GOD DAMN TIME! (Thanks)
 

 

No problem. I appreciate that you added a note about my first point, but that note is kind of confusingly worded. You might want to revise it, but then you should be fine :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Eloquence

I'm still not sure what you're trying to say with this part

 

"but he tends but that came right after those realizations "

 

Sorry for all these teeny tiny edit requests :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Shadow Beam

No problem, it's my faulth anyways. Besides, I love to write decently, and that sentence doesn't make sense at all.

 

EDIT: "Sence" Yeah, seems about right.

Goddamn it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Eloquence

Hello again. I apologize that this character has taken some time to work through, but I'll need to request one more change. After some deliberation, it has been decided that teleportation magic should be restricted to characters whose special talents are directly related to magic or who study magic primarily, meaning that Astro will not be allowed to be able to teleport.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...