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stainesbrony

By stainesbrony

    • , No, Not Cast Stallion

    (see image)

    male Pegasus His cutie mark shows that he is a rather mysterious character, and that he has a talent for being mysterious. https://buffy.mlpforums.com/1ebc862bf643a9801f30bc5f96cab0c7.jpg

    He is often unhappy, always depressed, and is extremely antisocial.

    Likes: He dislikes everything he doesn't like. He really doesn't like other ponies trying to cheer him up, Pinkie Pie, optimism, and anything like that.

    He was found as a foal outside an orphanage, where he was placed in, named, and was soon adopted.

     

    His foster parents weren't very good. He rarely got fed, rewarded, allowed outside and that sort of thing. Soon, the Equestrian social services issued his foster parents with a warrant demanding that they return him to the orphanage.

     

    He stayed there for a long time, and nopony adopted him. He was still unadopted when the orphanage was closed, and was going to be moved to a different orphanage.

     

    Seeing his chance to leave his depressing life, he ran off, and has been extremely antisocial ever since. He taught himself to read, write, and stuff by watching how others did it, and taught himself how to fly by watching other pegasi.

     

    He lives in a small house in the outskirts of the Everfree forest, but away from where sweet apple acres is. Every once in a while, he goes into Ponyville to get his food, and disappear back to his house.

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Shift

Hi there, i'm Shift, your critique for the evening.

 

First off, you can't use actual ages in the age category. For example, you should change your age to Young Stallion, or just Stallion if you prefer.

 

He's cutie mark can't be that he's adopted. His special talent being adopted makes no sense. If you really want his cutie mark to be a cake, make it represent his happiness in...parties? Or something. If not, i'd suggest his cutie mark to be blacksmithing or something that requires no friends. A cake obviously wouldn't be an 'antisocial' cutie mark, but you could make it work.

 

The likes and dislikes are fine, but if you added something he really, really dislikes to dislikes, that would help flesh out his character a bit more.

 

Really good History, though if you could give a bit more on why he was found outside an orphanage, that would be great.

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Ice Storm

This critique is pretty much spot on. Cutie marks represent one's special talent, not one's heritage. I would personally like to see this fleshed out a lot more.

 

What was the orphanage like? Why did he become depressed? Did something happen to make his views as such? What were his adoptive parents like? Were they the reason that he became anti-social?

 

The Dislikes section is also supposed to list the primary things that your character doesn't like, or the things that will set him off. I would like to see those expanded on a bit more as well.

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