TragicPony75 The Story Part 1

[TragicPony12 19]

                          The Story Of TragicPony75 Part 1

 

It all started when I was in Canterlot. I was an amazing pony and what type of pony? The Rarest One -Alicorn- And I was born during Discord's rule.  My Parents Were Bianca (Celestia's Mother) and my Father I never Found out who he was all I knew was that I was Great at both flying and magic. but after a while Discord Took Me away and decided to throw me into the one place no one would find me. -Tartarus-  Or so he thought but sadly I couldnt fly out and tirek found me and he took me and raised me as his own but one day I betrayed him as I had a better memory than he thought as when he found me, he almost threw me into lava and the only reason he kept me was so he could drain my powers when I was strong enough but not as strong as him.  Now back to the story I betrayed him by using two abilities I never thought I had They were The Sonic Rainboom And The Spark. Then some sphere of stone with an engraving of well I had no idea what it was started circling me faster and faster and then i realized something. I was one of the elements! anyway luckily the Sonic Rainboom hurt tirek and I used my magic to slow him down because he was very strong and my sonic rainboom made me fast enough to fly out

and the rainboom and Spark all the way to me escaping lasted about 5 seconds

 

If You Liked The Story So Far Tell Me And Please Tell Me What You Like What You Dont Like Ideas For The Story Guesses About The Story What Your OC Pony Is And If You Want Them Or Another Pony In The Story. Bye!

Edited June 8, 2014 by TragicPony12

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

It's good but...having your OC as a relative of Celestia is sort of frowned upon here...

 

Also, you really need to work on completing your thoughts. It's like you jumped from one thing to the next. I didn't get what this story was about. Something like your OC betrayed Discord and became an element of harmony. 

 

I'm afraid that you're going to have to start from scratch here, because I cannot understand where you were going with this story. 

Please don't take offense in this review. I'm trying to help you. 

 

@@TragicPony12,

Edited June 8, 2014 by C. Thunder Dash

[TragicPony12 19]

also Im an alicorn taken by discord and put into tartarus by Discord and I Betrayed TIREK not discord

fine you know what im changing my story

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@@TragicPony12,

 

Don't be mad dude. Sometimes, you have to accept the truth. Unfortunately, having your OC related to those villans isn't that reasonable, unless...you create a well woven backstory for your character. I know someone here who's OC is related to Discord, BUT, he wrote it in a well crafted story instead of smacking it on without any good detail, which is what this story is lacking. You can't just change one thing, you've gotta change many things before this becomes a great story for people to enjoy. And I'm certainly not insulting you, I'm just saying that it seems like you rushed this story and you need to go back and beef it up quite a bit.  

[TragicPony12 19]

well im gonna have like a few Oc's Anyway

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@@TragicPony12,

 

Okay, just be sure they are not "mary sue". I can help you make them if you want.  

[HopeTheWanderer 121]

I kind of agree. As it stands now, this character is...average when he could be better. But I think you could pull it off if you want to redo his story.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

@@HopeTheWanderer,

 

Yeah, I said the same thing above. It just needs some substance. But hey, almost all of us start like this.