[FEEDBACK] MLP test script

[RedLlama 0]

Hello! Me and a few friends of mine are working on a project, It is sort of like an interactive novel. It involves a script so my friend made one. He likes it a lot, I however am not as enthusiastic. So I would like you to read it an give us feedback, and I beg you to be 100% honest, whether you like it or not. Feel free to make suggestions as well.

 

The word document is attached below (It is a bit long)

 

I need this feedback, so if anyone could at least say "good" or "bad" it would be appreciated.

 

Bump, please say something. Please.

my little pony (6).docx

Edited April 3, 2012 by RedLlama

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

Ok, I read a fair bit (maybe a third). Here are some thoughts:

-There seem to be a lot of choices that have every little impact, consider getting rid of them

-If you got a main plot, you want to follow, it will feel very railway-ish for the reader; so either make some choices ptentially lethal or have them actually branch out and reconnect later (e.g. one path leads to being found by zecora instead of Fluttershy)

-consider redoing the script as a powerpoint document (enables you to click yourself forward instead of reading the whole thing)

-cut out everything not absolutely neccesarry to keep up suspense

-Spelling errors take you out of the story

 

Needs lots of work, but it got potential