I had an idea for one of my stories, but need an opinion.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

So i have an idea for my fic, but i want to make sure it will work. So here it goes:

 

Both Luna and Celestia will have their parts in the story where each has a separate encounter with Dark Mist, but the first one to fight her is Celestia. Thee two go at for a while, but seeing how much Dark Mist has grown in her magic skills; Celestia pulls out all the stops where she unsuppressed her magical energy and goes full strength on Dark Mist, overwhelming her when she finally escapes the dream realm. She is outclassed and never saw that coming, its not until she is at spear point that Dark Mist realizes how much she has underestimated Celestia. seeing no other way to win, she escapes and keeps a low profile until her strength can be restored.

 

 

Then comes Luna's battle with Dark Mist, she is forced to do it as well, since Dark Mist was once her student; she is deceived by her several times as they fight. But again, Dark Mist is bested and retreats. Luna manages to catch up, but Dark Mist uses her shadow form as a smokescreen to get away, which Luna loses sight of her. 

 

Celestia and Luna each use a different weapon:

 

- Celestia a spear

 

- Luna a sword

 

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But Dark Mist uses a black blade with an incantation for breaking barriers, no matter how strong. But since their first encounter, Luna learns not to fall for the same trick twice.

 

and these are the types of spells they use:

 

Dark Mist uses magic of deception in her battles, where she can make the opponent see what she wants them to. there she can exploit any weakness she finds.

 

Luna uses Illusions, where she can be in more places than one, leaving her opponent to guess where she is. Leaving her opponent open for an attack.

 

Celestia uses light magic to heal and fight back against dark magic. This is a disadvantage to Dark Mist, as light seems to cause her pain when she's in it.

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So that's what i'm thinking of doing for the story, but i'd like your feedback on it before i make any decisions.

[PonyPal123 47]

I think its a great idea  good job

[Taialin 217]

Sorry about this, but I'll have to beg to differ.

 

I like the world-building that you've done with Dark Mist, but I have to ask a question: why? Why is Dark Mist fighting the two of them in the first place? I understand that Dark Mist is a former student of Luna's, but that's not really a reason, just a relationship. I understand that the fight itself will be a significant portion of the story, but until you can answer this question and answer it in your story as well, readers will find your story to be nothing more than an opportunity for you to pit your OC against Princess Celestia/Luna.

 

There's really nothing wrong with this concept as a whole—I actually quite like the fact that Dark Mist does not win against Celestia and Luna—but make sure that the story is actually a story and not just a combat and skillset exposé.

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

It sounds pretty good.

 

Though the idea of Celestia and Luna carrying normal weapons kinda bothers me. Maybe you could make them like they were made with a magic spell or somethin like that. Just an idea.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

It sounds pretty good.

 

Though the idea of Celestia and Luna carrying normal weapons kinda bothers me. Maybe you could make them like they were made with a magic spell or somethin like that. Just an idea.

They are, which is why i have them summon them when they have to fight.

Sorry about this, but I'll have to beg to differ.

 

I like the world-building that you've done with Dark Mist, but I have to ask a question: why? Why is Dark Mist fighting the two of them in the first place? I understand that Dark Mist is a former student of Luna's, but that's not really a reason, just a relationship. I understand that the fight itself will be a significant portion of the story, but until you can answer this question and answer it in your story as well, readers will find your story to be nothing more than an opportunity for you to pit your OC against Princess Celestia/Luna.

 

There's really nothing wrong with this concept as a whole—I actually quite like the fact that Dark Mist does not win against Celestia and Luna—but make sure that the story is actually a story and not just a combat and skillset exposé.

I wasn't aiming for just a battle  skill set, they use strategies as they fight, but there won't be so much fighting. Most of it will be adventure and SoL. Dark Mist is angry because she couldn't learn the forbidden spells like Luna and Celestia did, finding out about them is what sets her off. She only manages to learn dark magic before the servant comes in. 

Edited January 20, 2015 by Candy Star

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Ups, sorry, I didn't realize.

 

Well, with that out of the way this seems pretty epic!

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Ups, sorry, I didn't realize.

 

Well, with that out of the way this seems pretty epic!

Hope you guys enjoy it when i get the first chapter done. I'm writing it as i go along, so you can follow it if you like. All you need is the name, "Equestria's Last Hope: Prism Force",