Friendship is chaos part 2

[Megachangeling12 109]

It was a normal day in chaosville. Of course normal for that place meant totally weird . It has grown into a nomadic empire . Meaning Discord wanted them to move around and find normal countries then slowly bled their chaos into it until they had it overrun .. Luna had returned and said she'd established a state of harmony to battle him and the elements of disharmony as well as anyone who sided with them. Discord laughed and said “ bring it on! Sissy “ the monarch was a noted that Discord treated this war like a game. Since that day The lunar republic s Luna called it had allied it self wit Appaloosa, the crystal empire and the buffalo as well as Phoenix’s and most pony friendly creatures . While the insanity empire as it was now called was allied with the creatures of the everfreee forest , the changelings, the dragons ( who Spike was now the leader of ). Sombra’s dark crystal kingdom ( he'd come back to life through an unknown source of dark magic , the griffin empire and the diamond dogs . Clousdale was mostly supporting the lunar republics alliance but Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust had started a rebel group that supports the insanity empire . There was also a rebel groups in the griffin empires and the diamond dogs. that were supportive of the lunar republic. The cmc were given their cutie marks Applebloom’s was a bit coin Scootaloo’s was a viper and Sweetie Belle’s was a crystal similar to the ones dug up by the diamond dogs. They were recruited into a special operations team along with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon . At first they argued and complained constantly but they were getting used to each other now that they saw the kind of destruction they could cause together.

 

In other exciting news Spike and Garble found out that they were brothers through a test done by Discord and he was now dating queen Chrysalis for two reason ( 1 he thought she was hot and 2 to strengthen diplomatic relations with the changelings.) . So far the war was at a stalemate . Some rational ponies like Twilight thought it was perhaps the nature of order and chaos to not be able to defeat each other. Most of the inhabitants of the insanity empire however didn't agree with thus theory. The reason was obvious the insanity empire was full of insane ponies.the wonderbolts and the shadowbolts now worked with each other. So recruiting the shadowbolts was not an option. Because of this Discord decided to create a new team of soldiers called the chaosbolts . They sported red and brown uniforms and their sole purpose was to spread chaos and disharmony in order to expand tux influence of the insanity empire and its allies. It was originally made to include any species that could fly and was allied with Discord. To top it off he also created ground units. In response the lunar republic created ground units as well.the elements of disharmony wee the leaders this police force . Almost everyone on either side had a rival that they hated the most.of coarse the two leaders and the elements of harmony/ disharmony had their opposites but all their other allies have there own arch rivals. The hardest things that she had to deal with were at present the death of her sister and the grudge head against her by the monsters . For their treatment by her when she was Nightmare Moon but now the princess of the night had to deal with two new threats . One was the fact that Discord was planning to send his team of chaos fillies to kidnap her . He did this because he knew that she would expect him to sent the elements of disharmony. They did this on nightmare night so they could pretend to be trick or treaters. They tricked her and stuck her in a magic proof cage . Unfortunately for them Twilight and her friends came to free Luna . When they showed up they encountered the elements of . disharmony first they met Lightening Dust she was a good fighter but Spitfire was able to beat her . After that she ran from the battle scene . Next they fought Spike he fought viscously . With the help of other dragons, diamond dogs and changelings Rarity attempted to apologize to him for never accepting his affections but he wouldn't listen .” I don't need you your just a snob who makes out with anypony who has enough money you’re a bitch !” After seeing thee was no way to get through to him she was forced to use her magic to stun him . Next Gilda stood in their way she was a absolutely brutal fighter . She would've eaten them but Fluttershy was able use her kind personally to convince the griffins that were helping Gilda to turn against her . When they facced Sunset Shimmer she used powerful demonic magic . After that they had to sadly fight Rainbow Dash the Pegasus tried to lie and say that Luna was dead and they were to late. Applejack let out a snarl , healed the liar up by her throat “ listen to me you bucking slimy little snake y’all better tell us where Luna is or I'm gonna make sure that you wish your mother never let you out her vagina !” Her archenemy smirked devilishly “ speaking of snakes ????…” Applejack' looked behind her and saw Venom Dash’s Adder about to bite her with her strong legs she bucked the reptile across the room and winding it but not killing it . As more monsters started to attack she called to her friends “ go on without me! I’ll handle them !” They reluctant but knew she’d be fine. Trixie was their second to last opponent he spells were powerful but Twilight was able to balance her out .

 

Before they could get back the princess they had to face the filly five. The kids were fast but weren't very experienced in fighting. They managed to save Luna but wile the other 5 escaped with her Pinkie Pie got lost and ended up staying behind. That's when an idea hit Discord he could get Pinkie on his side and with her chaotic personally make her his queen. He found that the party enthusiast was easily manipulated fir two reasons. 1. The promise of parties , chocolate rain, rekindling her friendship with Dash and 2 she admitted she had a crush on him. That is what he would do tear the elements of harmony apart member by member . But for every ally gained there is a new enemy. Because a certain tyrant had decided he was done with Discord’s silly chaos and would mane a much better ruler for a world without harmony and he too had a spy from the enemy ! This should be interesting. . Hey guys I hope you liked it and remember vote and comment!

Edited March 1, 2015 by Megachangeling12

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Have you tries creating paragraphs? Cause its hard to read all that with it all bunched together. Also try and correct some of the grammar mistakes you made, i'm sure i'm not the only one who's noticed. Also you shouldn't leave the plot decisions to others, you need to figure that out for yourself. As for character development, you can ask others that. I do this all the time, so i suggest you do the same:

 

You should make a little box for your notes or things you want to say and put them in it; i just use the quote box for that purpose. Each time a character speaks, you must make a new paragraph, also study up on the ponies you are using; if they are yours, then its fine. I know a good site for some writing expertise, here's the link: http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide

Edited March 1, 2015 by Candy Star

[Megachangeling12 109]

Thanks for the advce I'll keep it in mind when I write the next part . As for the voting I know that's it's up to be to choose where the plot goes I just wanted to here the opinions of the readers. Anyway thanks !

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Thanks for the advice I'll keep it in mind when I write the next part . As for the voting I know that's it's up to be to choose where the plot goes I just wanted to here the opinions of the readers. Anyway thanks !

One last thing though, Can you try and fix this one? i'd like to see what you did.

[Megachangeling12 109]

Hmm I'll see what I can do deal ?

I tried I don't think I did a good job though .. I tried to at least spectate it into paragraphs . Oh and Candy stat if it's not to much trouble I'm making a poll post about some shippings that will appear later on . I'd appreciate your thoughts !

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

I don't know much about ships, and i only care about the ones that are normal, not the ones people go all out on.

[Megachangeling12 109]

Fair enough see round them