Saturn: Remembrance Prologue and chapter 1

[The Real Minty <3 217]

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/253888/saturn-rememberance

 

Please be honest, how is it.

 

BTW his full name is Saturn Ring.

 

and he is not an alicorn he is an earth pony.

 

and is my OC

[Shikilicious 69]

I'm short before logging off for the night, but some quick starter tips:

 

First I noticed is that you should give the general scenery a little attention.

You get a rough idea about what is happening, but no picture regarding the surroundings. It's like a play in front of an almost white screen. What color is the sky? What is the smell in the air? How does the grass feel on the hooves? Put yourself in place of the characters and ask that and a lot of more questions. Then you pick the answers that fits the emotions of the scenery for the best and write it down.

 

Then, if you insert characters that are not canon and nobody except for you knows, you should take your time to give them at least a rough appearance (more than just their race) and some basic characteristics. Perhaps some personal information that make them both, mysterious and interesting.

 

The term "child" makes me personally cringe as it is more humanized, but there are some people who use that. It is not necessary to change it, but more commonly (and familiar, in terms we're talking about ponies) are either "foal / filly / colt".

 

Chapter 2 - Part 1 - 300 words... write the whole chapter out and post it at once. Splitting chapters doesn't really make sense as long as they don't have 5k+ words, it just tends to annoy the reader.

Edited March 17, 2015 by Shikilicious