My idea for a FlutterDash Fic(advice would be wonderful)

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

So Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, cutest pair you could make. But i have a one-shot christmas fic i wish to do for this upcoming december. But i need some advice if i'm doing the character portrayal correctly, so here's the outline for the story:

 

Twilight and her friends have left Ponyville to go visit Twilight's parents in Canterlot; leaving Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash alone. Each decides they want to be together for hearths warming eve, and use Fluttershy's cottage as the place to stay; being in a home made of clouds didn't give them a good feeling; but they think the cottage is the perfect traditional setting. 

 

With preparations in place, they decide to go out to Canterlot and take in the festive activities; one of them is some shopping for a new scarf for Fluttershy, as hers was forgotten back at the cottage in ponyville. Butlet me explain:

 

Fluttershy was in such spirits that she forgot it and didn't even think to grab it. So seeing Fluttershy shivering; Rainbow Dash gives Fluttershy her own scarf, a kind gesture;  to which Fluttershy is grateful for. But now we get back to canterlot and the shop they're in. 

 

When Rainbow Dash finds she has no bits, she offers the wonderbolt photo(autographed by soarin) to the shopkeep; who in turn gives them the scarf and this what Fluttershy chimes in, "Oh my... Rainbow Dash, you didn't have to do that..." 

 

Which Rainbow Dash replies, "Don't worry about it, its no big deal; as long as your happy, i'm happy." This in turn makes Fluttershy blush, but she seems to lean against Rainbow Dash for warmth; which gets Rainbow Dash uncomfortable. Coming out, they're greeted by Twilight and the others who see the affection by Fluttershy and smile.

 

Rainbow Dash gets a bit embarrassed, and asks Twilight for help with her "Situation". Twilight agrees to help and takes Rainbow dash to her parents who help pick out some outfits. But realizing what was going on, she flies off crying; she wasn't in love with Fluttershy, she was only trying to help Fluttershy.

 

But after seeing what has transpired, Twilight searches for Rainbow Dash and finds her on a bench; tears in her eyes. and tries to console her by saying, "I;m sorry, Rainbow Dash, i thought you, liked her that much; but now i see the clear picture. You were only trying to show her a good time." this gets Rainbow dash's attention, but doesn't feel like talking; so Twilight has a gift for her.

 

"I know you're sad, but i brought fluttershy with me to help." Turning to face Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash can only feel ashamed for what happened, she guesses Fluttershy already has a special somepony; but just can't help it. then come the words she never expected.

 

"Rainbow Dash, i have something to tell you, but i know you may not like it; so here it goes. I...I..." Fluttershy seems to hesitate, not sure if Rainbow dash will understand. But manages to say it, "I have a special somepony, Rainbow Dash; and that pony...is you!" Both Twilight and Rainbow Dash are shocked and wide eyed in reaction to the confession. But hearing it personally, rainbow dash can only slowly cry, tears running down her face. Fluttershy sits beside her and twilight leaves them be; its not her place to interfere.

 

Bothe lean against one another, each enjoying the warmth of the others embrace. But Rainbow realizes she made a promise to Fluttershy, to have a picture of them as a souvenir; but now it will have more meaning, a memory,a commemoration of their love for one another.  

 

_________________________________________

 

So that's my idea for my romantic fic; i detest clopfics in any shape or form. This will only be a 1-2 chapter one-shot.

Nobody?... 

All i wanted was some people who knew RD and Fluttershy the most to help me out, since this is my first time attempting something like this. If you're worried i will take your criticism badly, i will not do so; i'm not known to do that. I respect all forms, so please help me out...

Edited May 6, 2015 by Candy Star

[Zyfer 21]

Umm.. seems like forums are kinda slow today (then again it's always slow).

 

1. I'd be jealous and hurt if Fluttershy loves Rainbow Dash D:

2. It's a fanfic story and not canon making it a lot easier to be liberal and creative.

3. I think it's kind of out of place for Rainbow Dash to cry in most situations since she's the tough one. Granted she did cry in S05 E05 "Tanks for the Memories" but the way it was written was much like one of those "Dead Dog Stories"

4. Never being in a relationship I'm sort of confused with this part:

 

"Rainbow Dash gets a bit embarrassed, and asks Twilight for help with her "Situation". Twilight agrees to help and takes Rainbow dash to her parents who help pick out some outfits. But realizing what was going on, she flies off crying; she wasn't in love with Fluttershy, she was only trying to help Fluttershy."

 

I can understand why Rainbow Dash is embarassed and I can understand the not in love with Fluttershy part. Don't understnad the "situtation and the takes Rainbow Dash to her Parents part.

 

5. Curious how your gonna be able to isolate Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash from the Mane6 since I would assume Twilight would invite them to her parents.

 

6. Love pic

 

(just seen post 9 minutes in and I type slow )

Edited May 6, 2015 by Zyfer

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Yeah, i just got advice from poisonclaw about those things, seems i bucked up again. I just thought it would be appropriate for the ending if she did.

[Zyfer 21]

Yeah, i just got advice from poisonclaw about those things, seems i bucked up again. I just thought it would be appropriate for the ending if she did.

 

Not a problem! ^^ As I said, since it's fanfic you can be more creative and liberal. You could always write/type it out and reread it. I don't create fanfics but I do go back and reread rants before I post them :>

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,303]

I think the piece might actually work better if you establish a preexisting relationship from the get-go and use the fanfic as an opportunity for them to reveal their feelings to the other Mane Six.  Up until the point where it became a "situation" that Twi needed to help resolve, I thought that's what you were shooting for. xD  You can still use / retool much of what you have.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

I think the piece might actually work better if you establish a preexisting relationship from the get-go and use the fanfic as an opportunity for them to reveal their feelings to the other Mane Six.  Up until the point where it became a "situation" that Twi needed to help resolve, I thought that's what you were shooting for. xD  You can still use / retool much of what you have.

I'm so useless... I just feel stupid now.

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,303]

I'm so useless... I just feel stupid now.

Why?  How does that make you either useless or stupid?  I was just offering some advice; it's still your story to write.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Why?  How does that make you either useless or stupid?  I was just offering some advice; it's still your story to write.

I just have moments where i just crash and get anxious, this causes me to make mistakes more often than not. Not saying that no other author has this issue, its that i need to sometimes think. I guess thinking about the together gets me excited and i screw up.

 

I never think about what the readers know about them, but i think i got fluttershy down, just need to work on getting to know RD better.

Edited May 26, 2015 by Candy Star

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,303]

I never think about what the readers know about them, but i think i got fluttershy down, just need to work on getting to know RD better.

Keep in mind: No matter how well you write a piece, not everyone will appreciate it.  And when that piece is a fanfic (particularly a romantic one), you have to write, first and foremost, for yourself; and to your own satisfaction.  In your defense, Rainbow is rather complex.  She doesn't always behave as might be expected.  Her unpredictability can, however, be an asset.  No one can say with total confidence how she might deal with a certain scenario.

 

One last thing: Don't fear claims of OOC too much.  And certainly don't allow them to hinder you as a writer.  Short of writing a pony doing something that flies in the face of who they are on a fundamental level (such as Twilight suddenly insisting that she hates reading), you really needn't worry.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Keep in mind: No matter how well you write a piece, not everyone will appreciate it.  And when that piece is a fanfic (particularly a romantic one), you have to write, first and foremost, for yourself; and to your own satisfaction.  In your defense, Rainbow is rather complex.  She doesn't always behave as might be expected.  Her unpredictability can, however, be an asset.  No one can say with total confidence how she might deal with a certain scenario.

 

One last thing: Don't fear claims of OOC too much.  And certainly don't allow them to hinder you as a writer.  Short of writing a pony doing something that flies in the face of who they are on a fundamental level (such as Twilight suddenly insisting that she hates reading), you really needn't worry.

So what should i avoid with RD?

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,303]

So what should i avoid with RD?

Generally speaking, she isn't the most emotional or touchy feely pony.  She loves her friends, of course, and she has a good and true heart.  But she isn't always quick to express those things; at least, not in the most conventional or direct way.  She can, at times, be vulnerable, but she is seldom willingly vulnerable.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Generally speaking, she isn't the most emotional or touchy feely pony.  She loves her friends, of course, and she has a good and true heart.  But she isn't always quick to express those things; at least, not in the most conventional or direct way.  She can, at times, be vulnerable, but she is seldom willingly vulnerable.

so that giving away her gift was a correct way to express her?

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,303]

so that giving away her gift was a correct way to express her?

It's not an incorrect way to express her.  Just try and ensure that the story progresses in a way that doesn't feel forced.  You'll be fine.  And even if you aren't satisfied with the resulting story, you can write other stories; that's how any author improves and grows in confidence.