Ditzy Doo Girl 56 May 8, 2015 Share May 8, 2015 Um...H-hi... It's Ditzy here. I was just wondering if someone could please give me a critique on my story? Everypony I ask says they don't do shipping or just can't critque... It's a reader x human pony thing... Could someone, if it's not to much trouble..., look at my story please and tell me if I'm doing well so far? I understand if no pony wants to... but here's the link anyways... http://www.wattpad.com/user/RebbecaSlayer 1 Love is hard to find in everything..... But if you dig deep enough you can find it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chip Circuit 1,842 May 8, 2015 Share May 8, 2015 it's interesting, not often you see a format similar to that of a screen-play/script. Although with trying to have the reader perceive themselves in this first person perspective, some may take offense or be completely turned off at comments such as "you're just as retarded as derpy" Just comments like that I personally would avoid because Derpy is seen a character with possible down syndrome and a comment like that may turn a lot of readers against the author. Otherwise I'm not the best critique and that's one thing I found 1 I've been getting more into writing fanfics, mainly MLP since it has such a deep pool of creativity to pull from. I'm good with character and story concepts, so if you need help with a fanfic or something feel free to Private message me But don't be hurt if I have to decline if I'm tapped out for a bit. Otherwise I'm fairly good at it just sometimes I have to let my mind subconsciously think of some ideas. OCs: Radiant Sentinel, Sulfur Flash Sentinel (FoE descendant of Radiant Sentinel) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditzy Doo Girl 56 May 8, 2015 Author Share May 8, 2015 Thanks for the critc. I put the retarded comment because they're bullies... I personally think that she's not Love is hard to find in everything..... But if you dig deep enough you can find it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chip Circuit 1,842 May 8, 2015 Share May 8, 2015 yea I understand the bully part but maybe not such a harsh word when addressing a character such as Derpy. Even the creators of MLP got quite a lot of hate just over the fact Derpy existed, with the skewed eyes and speech impediment. So again the comment is mroe so to protect yourself as an author. I've been getting more into writing fanfics, mainly MLP since it has such a deep pool of creativity to pull from. I'm good with character and story concepts, so if you need help with a fanfic or something feel free to Private message me But don't be hurt if I have to decline if I'm tapped out for a bit. Otherwise I'm fairly good at it just sometimes I have to let my mind subconsciously think of some ideas. OCs: Radiant Sentinel, Sulfur Flash Sentinel (FoE descendant of Radiant Sentinel) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditzy Doo Girl 56 May 9, 2015 Author Share May 9, 2015 Mmmka I changed it thanks Love is hard to find in everything..... But if you dig deep enough you can find it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idris 241 May 11, 2015 Share May 11, 2015 I gave it a good go. But I'm fairly dyslexic and I struggled a bit with the codes. But I liked the idea. Friendship concept worked okay with commonality of being different. I'm fine with the ship, but Twily-Thomas the Tank doesn't bother me to be honest. It's a good first draft. Once it's been smoothed off it will be grand. Team Idris Channel (mlp short stories) - https://m.youtube.com/user/teamidris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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