Opinion on an OC of mine :)

[Love Doctor Blaze 536]

Hello! I would like som opinion on a recently created OC. His name is Accendo star, his link is in my signature.

 

Thanks

Edited August 12, 2015 by blazedtime

[BlueBrony 388]

It is clear that you have put a lot of thought into this character and have tried to give him a lot of meaning, which is good.

 

Something I have a hard time seeing: the color scheme. With a yellow coat and orange/blue mane, this pony is already very bright. Add in a green tie, and I think it will end up being too clashy. However, I could be wrong. I dont really have an artist's eye, so the best visualization I can come up with is something you might see in the pony creator app.

 

Also, I feel that since he is a black belt martial arts trainer, he should be muscular.

 

Good cutie mark, I think the explanation fits. its also a good description of his drive and motivation

 

One thing that could use some work: the back story. It is quite fleshed out, but I find it to be very convoluted. I saw a lot of potential in the story of his early life when he was learning piano. If a lot of his conflict stemmed from him trying to please his father while also acknowledging that he didnt want to play piano anymore, that would add more psychological weight for his need to be "perfect", rather than just an abusive martial arts trainer. Also, at the part where accendo stops a pony from commiting suicide, you describe him using his "silver tounge". While it may be accurate, that phrase seems to have manipulative connotations (in my opinion), and I don't think your character is manipulative.

 

An idea to chew on: what if his name was crescendo star? crescendo is a musical term that still falls the latin root idea. A crescendo is designed to make something louder (or perhaps "better" or "more spirited").

 

Take my opinions with a grain of salt: this is your creation, your OC. What is important is that you really thought a lot about this character's story and personality. I respect your creativity.

[Love Doctor Blaze 536]

Thanks for the feedback, i appreciate it alot. And i do agree with you on the too bright thing, but that was the purpose. Accendo is a lighten up your day, type of character, so i thought it fitted much better with a bright color scheme.

 

 

As for the abusive martial artist deal, i do agree that it could have been excecuted better. I just didn't really know how to do it, so i did what fitted my life the most. Also your idea for a new name is really cool, i might just have to use it.

 

 

Once again thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated. This is my first rather serious OC. My others are not 'normal RP' quality, so i decided to make a pony version of me.