[Rap] Celestia/Sunbutt Day

[Supremussy 11]

Hey everypony! 

 

So if you keep up with Equestria Daily a lot, you would know that on the 20th, which was the Summer Solstice, was Princess Celestia Day. I decided this sounded like a fun way for me to debut my first official rap. 

 

 

Now being my usual worst critic, I can say this was probably not the best I could do. The lyrics are preetty generic and my recording sounds a bit bad. So, I would appreciate it if you guys here could check it out! I am prepared for the worst reviews and comments, haha. Leave a like, or a dislike, whatever floats your boat!

 

Lyrics:

 

 

Six Twenty is now Sunbutt Day

So everypony, gather around

And neigh away

For the one and only Celestia,

As she sheds bright ligts

All over Equestria

 

No screentime?

No problem

When there were any villain problems

She would solve them

From Tirek, Sombra, and Discord,

All dismissed

Except for that, one bitch,

Changeling Chrysalis

 

Now we got one day dedicated just for you

I only write rhymes for special ponies,

Just a few

A cake lovin'

Troll gushin' princess,

E-Q-D made me get started in an instant

 

Calpain,

Thank you for the big announcement

The date June twentieth has got me bouncin'

Off the walls,

That I need to call,

A certain pink pony to tell me how she curls up into a ball

 

Oops sorry,

That was unrelated,

It's just spittin' brony shit gets me so damn exhilerated

Back to who this rap is really about,

Best sister and princess,

Ha, there's no doubt

 

A big sacrifice you had to make,

That made you to the better pony that you are today,

Makin' Equestria a farther safer place,

And maintaining life for the pony race

 

So thank you,

Thank you for your voice,

The soothing sound that fills me up with joy

I can't help it,

Is it just me?

Or is she way better

Than the other three?

 

Gonna try to keep it short and simple.

or your interest might begin to dwindle

This is Kinryoku here to say,

Happy Twentieth, and Happy Sunbutt Day

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

Ok. 

 

It's a good listen. 

 

Some of the lyrics are a little cheesy. The reason why the lyrics appear cheesy, was that you told a little too much. Rather than telling what Celestia does, show the reason why you celebrate sunbutt day. That's what it's all about. Compare rap to a road. There are many ways to get to a destination. You can take a straightforward path, or a winding path. In the case with rap, taking the winding and longer path is actually more beneficial than taking the straightforward path, because you can add more vivid descriptions to your lines and more rhyme can come out of it. Your diction and clarity was stellar though. You have the perfect rap voice. 

 

In terms of your beat, it could be more developed. You limited yourself to the I and the V of V, knowing that this piece is in the key of C Major. I suggest using some of these progressions here:

 

I-vi-IV-V

 

vi-IV-I-V

 

I-ii-IV-V

 

I-ii-IV-VI-V (last two chords half beat only)

 

I-IV-vi-V

 

ii-I-IV-V

 

There are many other ways you can order these chords. If you don't know what these symbols mean, you can visit this thread for more info: https://mlpforums.com/topic/136619-chords-progressions-modulations-a-guide-to-composing-music/

 

Personally, I'd set the key to F major for a more bright sounding beat. Also, a gradual build would fit perfectly with this piece. Start off soft with the piano. When you're starting to rap, bring the beat in. As you progress, add more orchestral instruments, starting with strings, then woodwinds and finally finishing up with brass. 

 

All in all, it's a decent song, but in terms of content and development, that's the biggest damper of this piece. I'm here if you need any help with understanding what I said in my critique. 

[Supremussy 11]

Ok. 

 

It's a good listen. 

 

Some of the lyrics are a little cheesy. The reason why the lyrics appear cheesy, was that you told a little too much. Rather than telling what Celestia does, show the reason why you celebrate sunbutt day. That's what it's all about. Compare rap to a road. There are many ways to get to a destination. You can take a straightforward path, or a winding path. In the case with rap, taking the winding and longer path is actually more beneficial than taking the straightforward path, because you can add more vivid descriptions to your lines and more rhyme can come out of it. Your diction and clarity was stellar though. You have the perfect rap voice. 

 

In terms of your beat, it could be more developed. You limited yourself to the I and the V of V, knowing that this piece is in the key of C Major. I suggest using some of these progressions here:

 

I-vi-IV-V

 

vi-IV-I-V

 

I-ii-IV-V

 

I-ii-IV-VI-V (last two chords half beat only)

 

I-IV-vi-V

 

ii-I-IV-V

 

There are many other ways you can order these chords. If you don't know what these symbols mean, you can visit this thread for more info: https://mlpforums.com/topic/136619-chords-progressions-modulations-a-guide-to-composing-music/

 

Personally, I'd set the key to F major for a more bright sounding beat. Also, a gradual build would fit perfectly with this piece. Start off soft with the piano. When you're starting to rap, bring the beat in. As you progress, add more orchestral instruments, starting with strings, then woodwinds and finally finishing up with brass. 

 

All in all, it's a decent song, but in terms of content and development, that's the biggest damper of this piece. I'm here if you need any help with understanding what I said in my critique.

 

Thanks a lot for your critique! I'm glad you were straightforward and clear with your advice. The rapping and lyric structure part has really got me thinking. I took a look back on all of the lyrics, and realized that you were absolutely right. I talked in just a simple path and I talked more about the day than Celestia herself. However, the part where you said my voice was stellar and perfect for rap, that just made my entire week.

 

To be honest, I really don't know much about melodies and basslines. I usually just play around on FL Studio and my piano until I find something that sounds cool. But I will probably take a closer look into music structure later on so I can improve.

 

Thanks again for your critique, have a good day!

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

Thanks a lot for your critique! I'm glad you were straightforward and clear with your advice. The rapping and lyric structure part has really got me thinking. I took a look back on all of the lyrics, and realized that you were absolutely right. I talked in just a simple path and I talked more about the day than Celestia herself. However, the part where you said my voice was stellar and perfect for rap, that just made my entire week.

 

To be honest, I really don't know much about melodies and basslines. I usually just play around on FL Studio and my piano until I find something that sounds cool. But I will probably take a closer look into music structure later on so I can improve.

 

Thanks again for your critique, have a good day!

No prob dude. I can help you with melodies and basslines if you'd like. 

[Kozmos 129]

Awesome track!

It flowed really well and kept me engaged!

Nice job!