Gabriel C Media 6 October 31, 2016 Share October 31, 2016 Finished a new original Theater-style track in time for Halloween! more info in the description Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Courageous Thunder Dash 7,826 October 31, 2016 Share October 31, 2016 Ok. It's an ok listen. However, you need to work on your vocals. You're wobbling at certain points and lacking that broadway style. Add some expression to it by using a mix of staccato, which is short and detached notes and legato, connecting and smooth notes. You have a bunch of legato in there. You need to vary it up. Also, you're not hitting all your notes. Practice on hitting notes spot on. This way, your vocals can come out clean. Careful on your last note. Don't let it flat out, especially if you're the last to cut off. In terms of your backing track, some of the beats were off in the first part of the song. Make sure you line up your notes right. For your instruments, I see you were really trying to aim for that broadway bright style. However, watch your strings. Sometimes, the samples clash into each other because you're having one hold a note too long. This is a perfect time to use staccato. Detach some of those notes and add articulations, which can then give the track a more realistic feel. Because of the connecting notes, it sounds a little too artificial. This track could also use more brass and timpani. They can add more depth to your track. Speaking of depth, it seems like this track has too much high end. Run it through an equalizer to add some low-end to give your track some depth. I see you used reverb on this track. Your vocals could've benefitted from some concert hall reverb. What you could do is only implement the reverb on the brighter and louder sections of the piece, and then take it off when you come to the softer parts, like the ending. In terms of your lyrics, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say they're kinda cheesy. You told a little too much about what Luna has been reduced to. Show the emotion that Luna faces when she struggles to try to make herself good. Show how she pleads and begs from her heart that she just wants to have friends around her. Using rhetorical language would certainly help you accomplish this. All in all, it's a decent listen, but it could use quite a bit of work. I'm here if you need help understanding anything I said in my critique. Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeWg-TtBRMfqketa1ELyKGg Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/menelik-david-kenneth-cannady 2nd SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/thunder-dash-alternative/tracks Pony.fm: https://pony.fm/thunder-dash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriel C Media 6 October 31, 2016 Author Share October 31, 2016 (edited) Lol! thank you! With the lyrics, this is the second time you've said my work is cheesy haha! I promise you that I'm telling the stories that I'm trying to tell. If you feel they're a bit cheese, that's okay haha. I often am going for a kid-friendly vibe with my lyrics, especially since this particular song was inspired by children's movies and the show itself . I know I can go for something complex, but that's usually not what I'm going for. In fact, most of my songs thus far have a very kid-friendly "what would it sound like in a children's movie or TV show" design behind it, which is totally intentional. So if it sounds very surface-y and not quite Shakespearean, now you know why! I didn't place that sort of reverb on my vocals because I didn't personally want too. It would have certainly fitted with the tone of the track, but singers in animated soundtracks, even for songs like this, aren't drowning in reverb . Of course, I know I can add in more, and it's something I definitely play with since it often sounds like I'm not putting in enough . The arrangement certainly was a challenge, I'll admit! my first time doing this style of music. It's funny you brought up the strings because I honestly find them to be blehh and a lot of orchestral elements. Like they sound very fluffy. Timpanis definitely would have fit well with this type of track as well, or perhaps tubular bells, and more. Oh well! Mmm, I certainly had low-end, especially since I saturated the drums and bass. Heck, I wondered if I beefed them up too much. Haha, no I understood everything. Thank you for taking the time to listen and comment! Happy Halloween! Edited October 31, 2016 by Gabriel C Media Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Courageous Thunder Dash 7,826 October 31, 2016 Share October 31, 2016 Lol! thank you! With the lyrics, this is the second time you've said my work is cheesy haha! I promise you that I'm telling the stories that I'm trying to tell. If you feel they're a bit cheese, that's okay haha. I often am going for a kid-friendly vibe with my lyrics, especially since this particular song was inspired by children's movies and the show itself . I know I can go for something complex, but that's usually not what I'm going for. In fact, most of my songs thus far have a very kid-friendly "what would it sound like in a children's movie or TV show" design behind it, which is totally intentional. So if it sounds very surface-y and not quite Shakespearean, now you know why! I didn't place that sort of reverb on my vocals because I didn't personally want too. It would have certainly fitted with the tone of the track, but singers in animated soundtracks, even for songs like this, aren't drowning in reverb . Of course, I know I can add in more, and it's something I definitely play with since it often sounds like I'm not putting in enough . The arrangement certainly was a challenge, I'll admit! my first time doing this style of music. It's funny you brought up the strings because I honestly find them to be blehh and a lot of orchestral elements. Like they sound very fluffy. Timpanis definitely would have fit well with this type of track as well, or perhaps tubular bells, and more. Oh well! Mmm, I certainly had low-end, especially since I saturated the drums and bass. Heck, I wondered if I beefed them up too much. Haha, no I understood everything. Thank you for taking the time to listen and comment! Happy Halloween! No prob! I hope you can check my piece out as well. Maybe I should've listened to this piece through my pro speakers... Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeWg-TtBRMfqketa1ELyKGg Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/menelik-david-kenneth-cannady 2nd SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/thunder-dash-alternative/tracks Pony.fm: https://pony.fm/thunder-dash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwilightPomegranate 324 January 27, 2017 Share January 27, 2017 I'm sorry, but for the first couple seconds, the voice was off.. But you can always practice to get better. Still loved the music! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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