Applejack gets into a Barfight

[Buck Testa 5,505]

Wrote a story about Applejack getting into a Barfight yesterday on Fimfiction. Its getting positive reviews so far.

 

If you are interested you can read it Here. 

 

[PoisonClaw 8,166]

Funnily enough, I have that story open in another window right now. Besides a few grammatical errors here and there, pretty good read all things considered. Course, I always enjoy Applejack and Rarity kicking ass, but that's just me.  

[Buck Testa 5,505]

Funnily enough, I have that story open in another window right now. Besides a few grammatical errors here and there, pretty good read all things considered. Course, I always enjoy Applejack and Rarity kicking ass, but that's just me.  

Do you remember where those mistakes were? I've seen that mentioned a couple times and I'd like to keep it in mind for future writing. 

[PoisonClaw 8,166]

Do you remember where those mistakes were? I've seen that mentioned a couple times and I'd like to keep it in mind for future writing. 

 

 

 

The sounds of his boots stomping across the floor hinted to the mass this guy .

Should be either "mass of this guy" or "hinted to the mass this guy was carrying." 

 

"I'm sure y'all do"

Comma after "do"

 

She sighed and adjusted her hat while she applied more force to the mans arm, making his large legs squirm and try to find leverage to alleviate some of the pain he was in.

"man's"

 

His buddy was about too make a move when her green eyes darted over to him. 

"to"

 

"Ya know... Ah'm Kinda glad y'all decided to be Dumbasses.

"Kinda" and "dumbasses" shouldn't really be capitalized.

 

The scrawnier one next to her pulled out a knife tried to stab out with it first.T

"and tried to stab" 

 

His body careened into another biker that was running towards him, and his friends body had hit him with such force that it made him flip backwards before his back slammed into the ground.

"friend's" 

 

from her peripheral vision

"From" needs to be capitalized since it's the start of sentence. 

 

Without missing a beat Applejack

Comma after "beat"

 

His effort was met with a firm kick to his stomach with

Remove "with"

[Buck Testa 5,505]

The sounds of his boots stomping across the floor hinted to the mass this guy .

Should be either "mass of this guy" or "hinted to the mass this guy was carrying." 

 

"I'm sure y'all do"

Comma after "do"

 

She sighed and adjusted her hat while she applied more force to the mans arm, making his large legs squirm and try to find leverage to alleviate some of the pain he was in.

"man's"

 

His buddy was about too make a move when her green eyes darted over to him. 

"to"

 

"Ya know... Ah'm Kinda glad y'all decided to be Dumbasses.

"Kinda" and "dumbasses" shouldn't really be capitalized.

 

The scrawnier one next to her pulled out a knife tried to stab out with it first.T

"and tried to stab" 

 

His body careened into another biker that was running towards him, and his friends body had hit him with such force that it made him flip backwards before his back slammed into the ground.

"friend's" 

 

from her peripheral vision

"From" needs to be capitalized since it's the start of sentence. 

 

Without missing a beat Applejack

Comma after "beat"

 

His effort was met with a firm kick to his stomach with

Remove "with"

Appreciate that! I'll get those mistakes out of there.