RaphLuna 307 March 12, 2018 Share March 12, 2018 (edited) Deleye me please thank you Edited May 15, 2018 by RaphLuna Delete 3 "Life is like a Roller Coaster, You never know what to expect" RaphLuna. http://raphluna.deviantart.com/ Here is where you can view more of my art. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashen Pathfinder 16,161 March 13, 2018 Share March 13, 2018 @RaphLuna Moving to Written Fan Works. 1 Pathfinder I Sojourner I Corsair | Zu'hra I Autumn | Scarlet Willow | Gypsy | Silverthorn | Crystal Whisper | Radiant Historia | And many other OCs~ Matching signatures with mah Bestie MOONLIGHT <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Kay 20 May 10, 2018 Share May 10, 2018 Well, I have to admit that I just kind of skimmed a few lines. It reads more like a screenplay than a prose fic, honestly. While starting a new line for switching between character dialogue is fine and usually expected, usually it'd be something more like: "Is anyone going to the family picnic the community is having this weekend?" Timber asked. rather than: Timber ''anyone going to the family picnic the community is having this weekend.?'' ^ This is a colon away from looking like a line out of a stageplay. Which, while not a bad thing, just doesn't seem to scream "fic". If there's more detail you can think to add between dialogue switches, I definitely recommend that in the interest of fleshing things out. Also, instead of having neat paragraphs, you seem to have separated the majority of lines after one or two sentences. I would recommend trying to pare those down into neat paragraph blocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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