RebelinNeedofCause 28 December 5, 2011 Share December 5, 2011 The Mask Smile Hop Smile Laugh Smile Giggle How a mask holds When it is fixed by society When madness is the same a sadness Has that mask cracked What holds it in place Are you a victim Do you feel hate Half inside Buried beneath the Place the other half lives One little crack Creates the perfect hole Is the smile real Does it reach beyond the eyes Does it come from the soul Can two parts never be one Both are victims One shared fate for two forces Both wish for kindness Both wish To smile To hop To giggle To laugh ============= The Forest The trees talk through the wind The quiet one walks through Alone but surrounded The quiet on walks through The trees tell tales The quiet one walks through Dragons defeated by the kind The quiet one walks through Unchangeable by the confounded The quiet one walks through The wind dies She sighs She walks through Quiet courage radiates Panic dissipates She walks on No need for praise No want of fame She walks forward She moves between the trees There is no sound She is the only thing to move She reaches the edge Journey over She moves on silently Like a butterfly Quietly braving The world ============== Well I hope you don't think they suck. Any advice is welcome --Rebel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezynell 2,037 December 5, 2011 Share December 5, 2011 (edited) They are both really good, I especially like the second one, but it could do without some of the stronger words and phrases like "No need for praise", "No want of fame", and "braving". All in all, great work! Edited December 5, 2011 by Ice 1 GAK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartbreaker 1 December 6, 2011 Share December 6, 2011 They both seem a little unpolished. Not bad, but they both give the feeling of being unfinished. The wordplay could use some tightening up, but all in all great themes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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