Buck Club by "ABronyLife42"

[ABronyLife42 10]

You guys like Fight club? I sure as hell do. So I wrote a Fanfiction called "BuckClub"

Do Check it out when you have a chance.

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/32046/Buck-Club

[Finesthour 7,289]

My critique-

• Nice beginning... odd, but nice.
• "Wait, I got a little ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning." ​Never, ever use that line in fic. It is absolutely cliche and unneeded. It's just a horrible way to transition.
• The descriptions of emotions you use are much better from chapter 2.
• You're using the ellipses way too often (I.E. "..."
• Are you copying the events of fight club, are are you going to change the story up a bit?
• When exactly are you going to get into the plot of fight club? You seem to be dragging out this prologue painfully slowly.
• Check your grammar. You messed up plenty of times in many sections.
• Sexual references... came in way too slowly to be a shock, just uncomfortable.
• "FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU!!

   

  Losing self control right will only make things worse. This must not register on an emotional level. Calmly I responded."You need to use thought in a more well thought out manner, not just a simple meme. And on that subject, you need to put more into the characters thoughts. We just SEE him thinking, but not a reason why.

All in all... average fic. Keep it up, and try to work on the points I showed you.

 

3/5