King K. Roop's men's fitness advice

[Ron Jeremy 2,032]

Recently, you may have found yourself wanting to lose weight and gain some muscle. Be your motivation to become a boxing champion, or get revenge on the one who murdered your family, or simply to become powerful, I will not judge, because your goal is the same: To get fit and get stronger.

 

The first thing you need is a song. It must contain at least a guitar or a drum, and have moments where it picks up spontaneously, for those dramatic moments. My personal suggestions would be

,

,

, or

.

 

The second step is to practice your look of determination. You need to be able to have such a sharp, determined stare that you can cut diamonds by staring at them. Practice, practice, PRACTICE! If no amount of practice lets you achieve such a stare, wait until someone you know contracts a fatal disease, is shamed by a villain, or murders your wife. For the last one, you may need to get a wife. Afterwards, your motivation will allow you to have a look of extreme determination, while your friend/deceased family appear behind you.

 

For the third step, you must train. Start the song of your choice, and run down the street, and on mountains. Lift weights, and physically train yourself, even by unconventional means. ESPECIALLY by unconventional means. During the duration of the song of your choice, you may notice yourself fading between scenes. Do not be alarmed by this. Also, if you see paper calendars' pages flying off of them, do not be alarmed either. Just focus on training. As the song comes to a close, you will be in perfect physical shape.

 

And with that, you are ready. You can now avenge your family/friend/honor/etc. and beat up the crime boss/corrupt chief of police/whoever. If this advice fails you and you find yourself exhausted, about to be killed by your villain, simply remember the motivation for your training montage, and use your determined stare. Your energy will be instantly replenished and you will be able to take out your enemy in a single, slow-motion punch or kick.

 

I have nothing more to teach you.

[MVC NVMXD JVRXD 2,406]

King K. Roop, the celebrity trainer.

The man who trained Batman is now giving his technique to you!

 

Today is a good day indeed. :D

[Ron Jeremy 2,032]

Is there nobody else who appreciates my fitness advice?