silvadel 1,393 September 14, 2012 Share September 14, 2012 (edited) Ok, most of what I write has been in a script format (something strictly forbidden on places like fimfiction.net). I mean the best excerpt of the one posted here would be at http://www.ign.com/b...lone.452636356/ The above is one I may convert someday. At any rate below I will put a 1st draft of what I am currently working on. It is called "Pegasus Horns" and is to be the story of a pegasus who (after years of study of her own powers) decides to share her gifts with the other pegasi. It takes place 11 years after MLP FIM and 10 years after my other fanfic. Is this close enough or would it still be banished as being too close to script (note the letters are essentially the prolog -- the story follows after that)? ------ "Dear Twilight Sparkle, I know it has been three years since my last letter but my research has finally panned out. There are now FIVE pegasi who can do magic beyond yours truly. We have kept it under our hat so to speak but I think the time is right to share this gift with the rest of the pegasi. And I can think of no place I would want to share this more than Ponyville. Your Friend and Collegue Silvadel, Pegasus of Insight" --- "Dear Captain Rainbow Dash, Just sending a note that I am going to be in Ponyville I know you aren't there as often as you would like but I am going to be doing something special over the next month. It has just been too long since I have seen you and I figured I would add a reason for you to drop by. Your Friend Silvadel --- "Dear Silvadel, Are you sure you want to go ahead with this? You know that Princess Celestia doesn't exactly trust you. Having hundreds of pegasi learn how to do magic will shake the social order and put her in a tough spot with the nobility. Your plans would not work out well from a cell in the Canterlot Dungeons. Twilight Sparkle" --- "Dear Twilight Sparkle, How can I not share the gift of magic? It is the next best thing to moving clouds. Enclosed are materials for my anticipated class. Could I use the library on the 24th, 1st, 8th, and 15th? Oh, and how is Thunderlane and crew? Anything I should know? Silvadel" ---- "Dear Silvadel, Yes the library is free those nights and I will do as you asked. Thunderlane is handling the weather and all just fine. I doubt he will show up to your class but he wont dissuade the other pegasi. Oh, and feel free to lodge here during your visit. Twilight Sparkle." ---- "Dear Silvadel, Being awesome has its price. I am on tour for the next three weeks. Will try to drop by the week after. Rainbow Dash (captain of the wonderbolts)" ---- Silvadel swooped down in front of Twilight's Library and knocked on the door. Hearing Twilight acknowledge her arrival, she entered. Twilight turned around from the book she was reading and addressed the middle-age dark blue pegasus "It has been way too long -- how was Los Pegasus?" Silvadel approached and said "Not too bad. It wasn't Ponyville though. I mean we both know why I left -- I was never going to be one of the 'Mane 7' and it was just too close to Canterlot, and then Fluttershy..." Twilight saddens and says "You know that wasn't your fault and she did recover." Silvadel responds "True, and I know she was thankful for the experience but I never did feel comfortable experimenting on ponies that were close to me, and here I simply couldn't keep that level of detachment for my research." Spike started setting up the slide projector, and Twilight showed Silvadel how to operate it. A dais was set up in the front of the room with 24 school desks neatly arranged in front of it. Silvadel stared at the set up and told Twilight "Organized to the end I see." With that the first pegasus entered. It was a violet mare Silvadel recognized as Cloudchaser. Nods were exchanged as Flitter, Blossomforth, and other various pegasi entered. The last to enter was Scootaloo. After she was seated Silvadel begain the lecture. "Hello class. My name is Silvadel and this is Magic for Pegasi 101." [changes slide] "We will start this lecture with a diagram showing how magic is distributed in a typical pegasus. This is from my book 'The magical anatomy of ponies' that I published 8 years ago. As you can see, most of the magic is located in and around the wings. This enables the kind of flight that we all know an love. Without this magic we would fall like a stone barely able to glide. This is something very important to remember when using magic as a pegasus. If you should be sufficiently drained you will fall." [changes slide] "This is a diagram of a typical unicorn. Note how most of the magic is concentrated around the head. Also note how some is actually outside the unicorns body in the horn itself. This is what enables a unicorn to cast spells. Without the horn to act as a conduit the magic would be trapped within its body." [changes slide] "This is a diagram of me while practicing magic. As you can see, the magic is roughly split between the wings and the head and 2 units of magic are used in the ghostly horn itself. If I were flying at that point I would be impaired. You may have seen this with Fluttershy." [changes slide] "As you can see here, she is unique. Her magic is focused right around her eyes. If her magic were in her wings she would be second in speed only to Rainbow Dash herself. It was actually noting this pattern that gave me the idea to be able to do this." [dims the lights] Silvadel concentrated for a second and a ghostly horn formed on her head, to oooo's and ahhh's from the various students. "As you can see it is NOT a physical horn. In essence it is an extension of my magic away from my body allowing me to interact magically with the rest of the world. This is something that can be learned." [raises the lights and drops the horn] "However, magic is a lot more complicated for a pegasus. A unicorn only has to concentrate on the magic it is performing. A pegasus has to concentrate on the horn at the same time. A unicorn has all of its magic at its command at all times. A pegasus has to meter her magic across her body as she casts spells. But most importantly a unicorn doesnt have to worry about winding herself magically. [changes slide] "This is a picture of me falling through a cloud." [Gasps erupt from the audience] [changes slide] "This is a picture of me plummeting to the earth. Note how my wings are fully extended and yet I am still falling. Yes you can make a landing while magically depleted, but it is difficult and nothing like you have ever experienced. Do not make the mistake of burning through most of your magic while flying. A cloud is NOT a safe platform to cast spells from either." [turns off projector] "Also, do not expect to be able to levitate objects. While unicorns generally have a specific talent AND the ability to levitate objects, pegasi in general just have the specific talent. Also note that most pegasi like most unicorns have weak talents. For every pegasus that can teleport there are five that can make bubbles appear or manifest clouds or phantom rainbows. Of course just like unicorns there are rare pegasi whose talent is magic in one form or another. In unicorns this is usually pretty obvious and they tend to get their cutie marks really early. Pegasi with such a latent strong talent tend to get their cutie marks really late and have cutie marks that do not relate to weather or flying." "Does any pegasus here besides myself have a non-weather non-flying non-obvious as to what it means cutie mark?" Silvadel looks out over the class and three hooves shoot up. Silvadel brings out her horn and calls on the first pony, an off-white stallion with a grey mane. She watches as Milky Way rises from his desk but unfortunately sees nothing special in him. "Thank you, you may sit down." Silvadel recognizes the second pony who has their hoof up. The dark blue stallion was the second fastest flyer in Ponyville, Star Hunter. "Star Hunter, I will need to see you after class." The third pony was even more famous, but all the more tragic. The brown mare with pink-purple mane stood up and rang out "Scootaloo." Scanning Scootaloo, Silvadel noticed just why she couldnt fly -- the magical stuctures that normally allowed magic to flow freely through the wings were broken. Her magic was focused more in her legs like an earth pony's, but more than that. It flowed throughout the rest of her body as well. "I will also need to see you after class as well, scootaloo." The last hour of the class was practical. Silvadel instructed the ponies to close their eyes and concentrate on their magic. While they were doing that Silvadel quietly walked among the desks and moved small amounts of their magic around. The occasional pegasus jolted out of their meditation only to have Silvadel say "Good job" or "Very good, you could feel that." By the time the class was over half could at least sense their own magic and a few were already moving some of it around in a random manner. "Ok, that was a short 90 minutes. Thank you all for coming. Thank you Spike for helping with the slide projector. And mostly Thank you Twilight Sparkle for allowing us to use your library. Remember to practice sensing your magic and if you get good enough with that, try moving it around a little. Scootaloo and Star Hunter come over here by me and Twilight." After the rest of the class leaves, Silvadel continues. "Ok, if you remember from the lecture I said some pegasi like some unicorns have a natural talent for magic. Well from this class Star Hunter, and Scootaloo: You are it. There is a lot more to magic than I am qualified to show and Twilight has agreed to help you in the future with some of the morals, underpinnings, and control issues that come with unleashing a significant magical talent. Scootaloo, you also have a different 'problem.'" Scootaloo speaks up, interrupting Silvadel's speech "Yeah I know. I felt it today. I just don't have any magic in my wings -- it is all over the rest of me but not there." With a tear in her eyes, Silvadel replies "Very good. You already see all of that then? My natural talent encompasses seeing and manipulating the magic in ponies. You would be the first I have taught who could so quickly notice things at that level. Okay -- try this -- what you want to do is carefully move a small controlled amount of energy towards your forehead." Scootaloo visibly concentrates as time passes. Silvadel watches in awe as the magics flow and coallesce. Not 5 minutes later a small ghostly horn contrasts against Scootaloo's brown coat. Twilight advances and looks into Scootaloo's eyes. She says "I still don't believe it every time I see it. Do you know it took Silvadel a month before she could do that so rapidly." Silvadel grabs a mirror and brings it before Scootaloo. She says "Ten years ago you would have probably said 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Unicorn'." Scootaloo focuses on the shimmering horn and says "Those certainly were good times. Sweetie Belle would have probably turned green as an apple if she saw this. But then again she has her own life to lead." Twilight replies "You knew it had to end someday. She has a wonderful singing career and a gift that has to be shared with more than just Ponyville." Silvadel turns to a surprisingly patient Star Hunter and says "I didn't forget about you. Very sorry for focusing so much time on Scootaloo. You also have a surprisingly strong gift, but unlike the others it is tied more to the night. At any rate you will have more success working magic when Orion is out." ---------------- Diamond Tiara, hidden in some bushes behind Twilight's library, listened in on the course. It was just as her friend Prince Blueblood had feared. Silvadel was teaching pegasi magic. This was a tragic breach of the natural order of things and had to be stopped. She would pen a letter to that effect tomorrow. Time passed and the pegasi left the library. She noticed that Scootaloo was not among them and continued to wait for her departure. When Scootaloo walked out with a horn, she changed her plans. She would be on the train for Canterlot tonight. ----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------- At any rate that is where I stand so far. I have received precious little comment on any fanfic I have posted thusfar here or anywhere else so here is an opportunity to tell me what you think and if I have broken out enough from a script format or if it would be banished or simply still needs work and in what ways it needs work.... Edited September 14, 2012 by silvadel Silvadel, the Pegasus of Insight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso 69 September 14, 2012 Share September 14, 2012 that was probably the best fanfic i have ever read besides my little dashie now keep in mind i havnt read many but that was amazing i really enjoyed it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Join the herd!Sign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now