Any thoughts on beginning of fan fiction? (Also looking for proof-reader)

[Sanic Screwdriver 345]

The story is called "The Apple Family Business" and this is the synopsis/description/whatever "The Flim Flam brothers are back and smooth talking better that ever. After convincing Applejack to take the family business "to the next level" will being in charge cause greed and power to change Applejack for the worse?" If anyone would like to be a proof-reader for it please send me a pm :3 And Finally, here's what I've written so far. Please let me know what you think!

Chapter 1: Return of the Salesponies: 

 

It was afternoon on Sweet Apple Acres, the usual aroma of apples filled the air. The sun was setting over the hill, leaving the sky in a beautiful reddish-orange color. Applejack and Big Macintosh were on top of their favorite hill on the farm, the only bare one for miles. Ever since they were young, Applejack and Big Macintosh loved that hill. They went up there every chance they got back then, and even though they don't have enough time to go there a lot, Applejack and Big Macintosh loved to lie down next to each other and chat, stare at the clouds, or really, anything they could think of whenever they got the chance. It was there for them when they were bored, when they were happy, or when they were sad. It's always been there. Apple Bloom always asked "Why do y'all love that there hill so much?" but they could never explain it. Apple Bloom has tried to go up there with them but always left shortly after. Today was another afternoon being spent on the hill, but today was one of the only times the hill was used for something other than fun, comfort, or relaxation.

"Big mac, what are we going to do?" Applejack asked worriedly, pacing back and forth "We've never had such a low profit!" She was right, apple sales were way down in Ponyville this year. It didn't help that the family had missed Zap Apple season, or that they had to cancel cider season due to terrible weather.

" A-nope we haven't little sis." agreed Big Macintosh, who looked much more relaxed than his younger sister.

"Aren't you concerned even a little?" Applejack snapped. "Do you not care about losing the farm? You don't always have to put on a show you know? Trying to never reacting strongly to anything! We already know you're tough, there's no reason to try to prove it!" Applejack's eyes began to water.

"Sister you sure y'all right?" Questioned Big Macintosh.

"O-of course A'm alright!" Applejack fibbed. "A'm sorry I snapped at ya." Apologized Applejack. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Well if you want to talk about it..." Started Big Macintosh. "No, It's alright. Listen I'm dog-tired, I'm heading to bed." Said Applejack before trotting off without another word.

"That girl is as stubborn as a mule..." Big Macintosh thought aloud before lying down and watching the sun go down.