Some input and feedback for a fanfic?

[RaptorJaysus 178]

Hello everyone! I decided to start writing fanfics, but I have never really written one before. Can you please read this fic and give me some feedback/advice on it? I really want to see what other people think of it.

[Irish Mist 119]

First thing I'd say is give more details, maybe a bit more work on how Luna became so enraged over the moon, I know it's been done before but it helps since what you have at the moment is Luna pretty ticked by everyone not appreciating her work, to thinking blocking out the sun seems like the best idea ever. Maybe you could write more about her internal struggle being that she is forcing her work onto others until they appreciate it and what she has to sacrifice to do this, one thing could be her very sister. 

As for the battle, it's hard since it's basically a retelling of what happened in the show and I was loosing a bit of interest since I'd already seen this so maybe think of a few other ways of showing this part. 

 

The last thing I'd say is, maybe instead of her regretting her decision, maybe she instead became more enraged, and rather than just wallowing in loneliness, have her scream at Equestria until her throat is sore and she can no longer speak, have her damn her sister and all that and just have her become a beast fueled only by rage. Just my two cents.