My Little Reds: Blues Are Dirtbags

[Delernil 952]

@arkman575

 

'Its on-'

 

'Tucker, if you don't shut the hell up I will kill you.' Church interrupted again. 'But yes. There is no point to this at all. Actually, we're about to change canyons, so that useless.' He added.

 

'Hey Church. Where do horses come from?' Caboose asked. Night Comb sighed.

 

'Hey assholes, shouldn't we be packing?' Grif called from the back.

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@@Delernil, 

 

Seth was getting more confused. He was ex-military, so the lack of... military for soldiers was getting to him.

 

"Wait. So, you both are moving from one box canyon, to another box canyon? Together? At the same time?" he asked.

 

"Pretty much nailed the definition of 'moving' there, wolfy." Tucker called.

 

"Anyone else think that's a bit off? Or am I the only one with military strategy?" Seth asked, mostly to Night.

[Delernil 952]

Church laughed. 'Yes. You are. We just sit here all day waiting for the reds to shoot at us while they wait for us to shoot at them. The only one who takes this place seriously is Sarge.' He said.

 

'You damn blue, this is a grave matter! This. Is. War!' The red commander said, yelling the last word.

 

Night Comb nodded. 'Yeah, don't you guys have tanks? Just shoot!'

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Seth considered the theory of the two engaging in war, then a question hit him. 

 

"How long have you two teams been at this?" Seth asked.

 

They all looked at each other, conversing quietly. Then Grif spoke up. "We lost track after five years."

 

"And how many deaths have there been?" Seth asked

 

"Well, there was Flowers. He died on an aspirin overdose." Church mentioned.

 

"Oh, and I shot Church with a tank." Caboose yelled in excitement.

 

Before Seth could even ask, Tucker spoke up. "Ya, it might sound hard to believe, but church is now a ghost now. He can't really die... no matter how hard we try to kill him."

[Delernil 952]

Church nodded. 'Sometimes I wish I could die just to get away from these idiots.'

 

Night Comb looked in awe. 'Seriously? A ghost, an idiot, a sarcastic ass, a jerk, an angry sargent, the intelligent one, and the dirty minded one.' He said, looking between them as he named their core traits.

 

'Yep. That's the level of half-assery we deal with.' Grif replied.

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As they were talking, Seth noticed a slight humming in the distance. He looked to see two aircraft approaching the canyon. One was adorned with blue, the other red.

 

Seth interrupted the lecture, saying, "Guys, just to say, I think your ride's here. Again, how in Equestria does shipping both sides at the same time make seance?"

[Delernil 952]

 

'You dirty blue traitor...don't tell us what does and does not make sense!' Sarge said angrily.

 

The two planes landed and the back hatch popped open. The blue was was plain, yet the red one was adorned with posters about how to kill Grif.

 

'What the fuck?' Grif said as he moved into it. Sarge and the rest of red team followed. Blue team went into their pelican as well.

 

Night Comb looked at Seth. 'Im riding with blue. Red will probably kill us.' He said as he flew into the blue Pelican. Caboose gasped in awe.

 

'You can fly!'

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@@Delernil, 

 

"I'll join you." Seth called as he walked for the jet. As he approached, he hear the familiar sound of a cannon spinning up. He looked to see the reds were locked onto him

 

"Wolf, what do you think your doing. Those are blues! You are a red wolf, not a blue wolf!" Sarge yelled for the cabin.

 

"Technically, he's a greywolf, sir." Simmons pointed out.

 

"Ya, but inside of that grey fur is a red heart. He took down a blue ten seconds into this war. That's what I call a red."

 

Seth reluctantly agreed to board the pelican. After strapping in, the two ships took from the ground and began their journey to the new base.

[Delernil 952]

@@arkman575

 

'Sir, doesn't that make us all reds? If a red heart means you're a red, and everyone has red hearts, then blues are reds too. Why are we killing reds?' Simmons said. Grif looked at Simmons and shook his head.

 

'All you've done is get Sarge fir-'

 

'Simmons, are you a traitor?! I can't believe my most trusted officer is turning his back on the Red Army! Why you little...!' Sarge yelled.

 

 

'Well actually sir, none of us are officers....'

--------------

 

Night Comb surveyed the blues. They stayed pretty quiet through the ride. Caboose had made the occasional humming tune.

 

'So where are we going?' Night Comb asked.

 

'Who knows? Dude, we just go whenever, wherever we are told to go.' Tucker answered.

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@@Delernil,

(I'll handle the reds if you want while you take the blues)

 

"Good, I would hate for you to get officer's pay, plus you don't even have a heart." Sarge reminded.

 

"I hope you are being metaphorical" Seth joked.

 

"Nope" Sarge replied. "His heart has been upgraded to a much more productive model. I used parts from the warthog and a spare sniper refile for it."

 

"What?" Simmons and Seth yelled in unison.

 

"You didn't tell me you replaced my heart! I thought that's one of the origins you recovered." Simmons cried in panic, gripping his chest.

 

(Simmons 2.0 for the win.)