Aqua the Sea Horse.

[man dude man 555]

One lovely evening atop the beautiful waters of aquestria Zebro and his good friend Broncbro were sailing in set for the amistead love jubilee. The two had little in common despite their friendship. The two young colts loved eachother but could never agree on ANYTHING. Zebro insists "Everypony has one truth, and we need to work together to find out what that truth is!". Broncbro is quick to reply, "Everypony has their own truth!, and we need to work together to figure out everyones true calling!". Both young ponies had been requested for attendance at such festival for their boldness and steedfast dedications to their ideals. This prolonged journey the two prideful little ponies had embarked on shouldn't have been taking as long as it had been, and the two were in danger of an incoming storm that could have been avoided if pride could have been set aside much earlier! Nearing the grounds they had set sea for, a younger pony from beneath the waters greeted them with a wide smile and gracious offerings to help them with an appropriate timely arrival to their destination. Both continued to argue and ignore the ponies gracious offerings, but amidst their great debate, Broncbro turned to the young sealad and asked, "what are your opinions Sea Horse?" She replied with an open smile, "to tell ya the truth I never really think about it to much!" Both prideful young horses cackle in laughter at Aqua. Zebro then states, "how could you live life without thinking!, you are wasting your life away! A discouraged aqua begins to descend below the waters when all of a sudden, the waters begin to twist and turn in opposing directions and the clouds darkened, their ship was cracking beneath their feet and both young horses began to panic and scream for help. The ship proceeds to break beneath their hooves, and both plummet into darkened waters in the middle of the sea. Both ponies shrieked "help, anybody, help, we can't swim"! Lucky for Zebro and Broncbro, Aqua was within earshot, and swam to their rescue faster than they could have evern hoped". Not only was Aqua a great swimmer, by some she was considered the best, and there was nothing she loved more than just the beauty of life itself. She cleared the distance and had the two at the Jubilee faster than they could even comprehend. Both awe struck ponies gazed at Aqua a long the shore line, She smiled back at them with a simple remark, "it seems to me like you guys could be the ones wasting your lives away"! As they watched her descend into the dark blue waters.

 

 

 

 

--------SUMMARY-------

My actual story is written from perspective, is much more detailed, just need to see if anyone liked the idea.

[PlunderSteed 1,252]

It's hard to tell what the story is actually about, given the lack of context in this excerpt.  Is the story a work in progress?

[man dude man 555]

A lot of progress, like I said it's a story summary

When you get behind the charcters perspectives, you learn that basically, life is about living it, not about arguing about what its about 

[Revolver Bobcat 45]

A lot of progress, like I said it's a story summary

When you get behind the charcters perspectives, you learn that basically, life is about living it, not about arguing about what its about 

 

Except that wasn't a summary, it was more of an odd introduction, or a really short story.

 

Also if your intention is to give a lecture to the reader then your story shouldn't take sides, let reader find their own conclutions. Heck, it could be a great story about both life styles, about how they work and the pros and cons they found through those lifes styles. Maybe they can learn from each other (If you want to)

 

Anyway, what im trying to say is that you should consider not making this story a one-sided argument about life.

[man dude man 555]

It really isn't and it's not the full story, as said 3 times now, but if you are going to be critical that is what I need, there is no charcter development, clearly, it's what they are doing in the story, and the ending for the twop main charcters isn't included, so as far as lessons they learned from eachother and their new friend, aren't particular. and yeah, it is a summary, it's jsut a detailed one.

Except that wasn't a summary, it was more of an odd introduction, or a really short story.

 

Also if your intention is to give a lecture to the reader then your story shouldn't take sides, let reader find their own conclutions. Heck, it could be a great story about both life styles, about how they work and the pros and cons they found through those lifes styles. Maybe they can learn from each other (If you want to)

 

Anyway, what im trying to say is that you should consider not making this story a one-sided argument about life.

That being said, in the end they learn to respect eachothers perspectives, and basically learn that agreeing to disagree could be important when communicating with your friends, it's not intended to be a lecture but every episode is, and if you can't see that than I am not sure what it is you are trying to see. You odn't get a taste for their personalities when reading text, so you don't know about the "chracters charcter", and as far as "lectures" go, I find your post ironic 

Like I guess what I am saying is it's  summary because it's told from third person and it's the sandbox for the theme of the story, it's not told from the perspectives of the charcter(other than a few select quotes), and when you see it told from their persepctives it helps you understand that neither side of being prideful or close minded is a good thing, you just have to be open to all perspectives, and not to try to over think things

[Revolver Bobcat 45]

It really isn't and it's not the full story, as said 3 times now, but if you are going to be critical that is what I need, there is no charcter development, clearly, it's what they are doing in the story, and the ending for the twop main charcters isn't included, so as far as lessons they learned from eachother and their new friend, aren't particular. and yeah, it is a summary, it's jsut a detailed one.

 

Right, whatever you say man.

 

 

That being said, in the end they learn to respect eachothers perspectives, and basically learn that agreeing to disagree could be important when communicating with your friends, it's not intended to be a lecture but every episode is, and if you can't see that than I am not sure what it is you are trying to see. You odn't get a taste for their personalities when reading text, so you don't know about the "chracters charcter", and as far as "lectures" go, I find your post ironic 

 

 

What? But there's no mention of any of that, the "Summary" stops on a "Haha, you guys are wrong" ending.

 

 

Like I guess what I am saying is it's  summary because it's told from third person and it's the sandbox for the theme of the story, it's not told from the perspectives of the charcter(other than a few select quotes), and when you see it told from their persepctives it helps you understand that neither side of being prideful or close minded is a good thing, you just have to be open to all perspectives, and not to try to over think things

 

But you just said:

 

 

When you get behind the charcters perspectives, you learn that basically, life is about living it, not about arguing about what its about

 

Can you point me the part where you said that please? Becouse it sure sounds one-sided to me ._.

 

If you say this story is about learning from each other and growing while doing so, i believe you. But you can see where my confusion originates, don't you? I gave you my opinion about about the "Summary" posted, i can't really give you an opinion on your story becouse you didn't gave me one, just the "Summary" about 2 dudes that can't stop talking, then make fun of a mermaid, sunk their ship on a storm and gets rescue by the mermaid so she can say "Looks like you guys are where wrong the whoooooole time" *Laughtrack, *Theme song and end credits.

 

And its NOT a summary, if it takes you more than 10 lines of text then is not a summary. You are suppose to summarise your story not your story's events.

Edited February 18, 2014 by Revolver Bobcat

[man dude man 555]

That fact is eluded to when she says she doesn't take time to over think things, the fact that they can't stop arguing is because they are over thinking and not enjoying the values of friendship or what each party has to offer becasue they are letting their over critical pride get in the way of eachothers long term success. Aqua offers help with the main important objective of the story but their differing personalities that you have yet to see the build up to, cause them both to be to prideful, and to insist on arguing.