music Please critique my narration on this poem.

[Virgil 685]

I've started up via my youtube channel, trying to hone my elocution and narration abilities. I've been using poetry so far, this one is William Wordsworth's " Influence of Natural Objects in Calling Forth and Strengthening the Imagination in Boyhood and Early Youth ". I think it's my best work so far, although you might notice some dogs occasionally disagreeing (not good at audio editing at the moment ). Please give me your honest opinions and suggestions, as I would really like to improve upon my abilities; but I don't know how to really improve, so don't worry about holding back . Here is the text if you want to follow along: 

 

Wisdom and Spirit of the universe!

Thou Soul, that art the Eternity of thought!

And giv'st to forms and images a breath

And everlasting motion! not in vain,

By day or star-light, thus from my first dawn

Of childhood didst thou intertwine for me

The passions that build up our human soul;

Not with the mean and vulgar works of Man;

But with high objects, with enduring things,

With life and nature; purifying thus

The elements of feeling and of thought,

And sanctifying by such discipline

Both pain and fear,—until we recognise

A grandeur in the beatings of the heart.

         Nor was this fellowship vouchsafed to me

With stinted kindness. In November days,

When vapours rolling down the valleys made

A lonely scene more lonesome; among woods

At noon; and 'mid the calm of summer nights,

When, by the margin of the trembling lake,

Beneath the gloomy hills, homeward I went

In solitude, such intercourse was mine:

Mine was it in the fields both day and night,

And by the waters, all the summer long.

And in the frosty season, when the sun

Was set, and, visible for many a mile,

The cottage-windows through the twilight blazed,

I heeded not the summons: happy time

It was indeed for all of us; for me

It was a time of rapture! Clear and loud

The village-clock tolled six—I wheeled about,

Proud and exulting like an untired horse

That cares not for his home.—All shod with steel

We hissed along the polished ice, in games

Confederate, imitative of the chase

And woodland pleasures,—the resounding horn,

The pack loud-chiming, and the hunted hare.

So through the darkness and the cold we flew,

And not a voice was idle; with the din

Smitten, the precipices rang aloud;

The leafless trees and every icy crag

Tinkled like iron; while far-distant hills

Into the tumult sent an alien sound

Of melancholy, not unnoticed while the stars,

Eastward, were sparkling clear, and in the west

The orange sky of evening died away.

         Not seldom from the uproar I retired

Into a silent bay, or sportively

Glanced sideway, leaving the tumultuous throng,

To cut across the reflex of a star;

Image, that, flying still before me, gleamed

Upon the glassy plain: and oftentimes,

When we had given our bodies to the wind,

And all the shadowy banks on either side

Came sweeping through the darkness, spinning still

The rapid line of motion, then at once

Have I, reclining back upon my heels,

Stopped short; yet still the solitary cliffs

Wheeled by me—even as if the earth had rolled

With visible motion her diurnal round!

Behind me did they stretch in solemn train,

Feebler and feebler, and I stood and watched

Till all was tranquil as a summer sea.

W. Wordsworth.mp3

[Mlpfan185 1,763]

Something was here. Something was here. Something was here. 

Edited October 10, 2018 by NONAME

[Virgil 685]

I am noticing two things.

 

1. Do you wear braces? It sounds like you have a bit of a lisp.

2. It sounds like you are trying to speak in your head voice, try using the bottom of your chest.

 

Overall, it is a clear narration with decent articulation, however, by not using your chest in combination with the lisp, it takes the breath from the poem.

 

Just my 2 1/2 cents.

1. I don't have braces but I do have a slight gap between my two front teeth could that be it?

2. Yeah that probably has to do with me trying to rush through it a bit. Also I have this fear that if I really try and speak using my lower register I might sound too cheesy or theatrical, do you think I might be worrying too much about that?

And thank you very much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate the feedback.   

[Mlpfan185 1,763]

Something was here. Something was here. Something was here. 

Edited October 10, 2018 by NONAME

[Virgil 685]

Thank you very much, I'll try my best to remember that; I bet a lot of it is just letting my nerves get the best of me, which makes me forget the basics. Makes me wish I had had the oppurtunity to take more voice lessons from a teacher I had when I was getting my Associates degree. She always was getting onto me about having better breath control ( among other things of course ) .