Need help for fan fic

[Cosmic Flash 18]

I am making a fan fiction called Don't Trust Anyone it is going to basically be about Twilight Sparkle has a boyfriend who is named Dark Spark who is also a changeling in desscise and he reveals himself to her and they get into a giant magic battle and the changeling wins and some how Twilight turns into a changeling some how the others find out and rarity tries to preform a spell that will change twilight back and it backfires completely and ends up making a time vortex bringing with it before it closes applejack's lost younger sister  apple spice who had been kidnapped when she was a filly by (some big pony nemesis or evil pony villain i don't know yet) and thats all I've come up with I need help to find the ending and the evil guy and mabey even a better title thanks 

[Steel Accord 6,660]

Well slow down there for a moment!

 

Dark Spark evil, Twilight broken hearted, forced transformation, hiding it from friends, BOOM! That's a story right there!

 

Involving time vortices, and long lost sisters kind of confuses the narrative and looses sight of the dramatic center of the story. Unless you want the dramatic center to be on AJ's lost sister. That too, could carry a story by itself. Applejack cares very deeply about family after all.

 

I think, before you decide an ending and a bad guy, you should first decide on what you want your story to actually be focusing on.

[Cosmic Flash 18]

Thanks Steel Accord! I'll have to keep that in mind. I think they will be two separate stories. That would make it easier to follow and you seem to think that they would make very good stories by themselves. Again thank you.

[Steel Accord 6,660]

Thanks Steel Accord! I'll have to keep that in mind. I think they will be two separate stories. That would make it easier to follow and you seem to think that they would make very good stories by themselves. Again thank you.

Ask and you shall receive.

 

If you wish to repay me however, I could use some tips for my own story at the moment.

 

http://mlpforums.com/topic/92982-tcb-writing-tips/

[Cosmic Flash 18]

Steel Accord I was wondering if this creature I thought of might be good for the Applejack's lost sister story. It would be time sprites. Time sprites kidnap fillies and take them through their time vortex. Then they force the fillies to work as slaves. They also have a creepy network to different times and lives, which is a surprise. They also have a king or queen I don't know what yet. If you think their good what should they look like, should they have a king or a queen, and whichever you choose what should the king/queen look like? If you don't like the idea what do you think the creature should be?