You eat at fast food restaurants, don't you? Of course you do. Everyone does. Well, I decided to compile a list of things that I, as a cashier, would like customers to do in order to make my job (and indeed, the job of every other fast food restaurant employee) SO much simpler.

#1. Know what you want to order before you step up to the register.

It's my job to keep the customers flowing as quickly as possible. I can't stand it when a customer steps in front of me, going "Hmm...Uh...No...Maybe..." for what seems like an eternity, all the while holding up the line. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just order a Big Mac. (Anyone else find it kind of funny that a Big Mac comes in red packaging, and the Mac Sauce is a tan-ish color?)

#2. Put your trash INTO THE DAMN TRASH CAN.

I've seen numerous customers simply leave their wrappers and boxes on the tray when they place it on top of the trash can. IS IT REALLY THAT FUCKING HARD TO MOVE YOUR ARM 10 INCHES DOWN, OPEN A DOOR, AND TILT THE DAMN TRAY??!!! What's that? It's not hard at all? THEN FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!

#3. Don't tell the price of the item you're ordering.

As I mentioned in the "What Rustles Your Jimmies?" thread, PC-POS doesn't use the price of the item at any stage of the order taking process. (Except, of course, when I tell you how much cash to fork over for your greasy slop.) Don't say, "I'll have a dollar hamburger and a dollar fries." I know how much the hamburger costs. Also, none of the fries only cost a dollar. Cheapest one is $1.29. I hate having to ask what size of fries you wanted. It's redundant and it's a waste of my time.

#4. Don't you DARE pay with a stack of coins.

I suppose this is alright if you're buying something that only cost a dollar, but don't you EVER try to pay for a five dollar or higher order with just a stack of coins. You know why? Because I have to re-count the entire pile once you hand it to me, to check for errors in your (most likely) pitiful math skills. This is an ENORMOUS waste of both my time, and the time of the customers behind you. I've had quite a few customers do this recently. I swear, if one more wretched fool comes in, trying to pay with coins, I'll slit their throat.

#5. Don't rattle off your order like you're trying to be the next Eminem.

You don't necessarily have to order slow, just don't rush it out so fast that the cashier barely even had time to comprehend what you were saying, much less punch it into the computer. Tell the cashier your order in a nice. calm, ordinary speaking voice.

#6. In conjunction with #5: Be willing to repeat your order, and don't be a fucking dick.

I had one asshat customer come in and say: "I don't like to repeat myself, so I'm only gonna say this once: blablablainsertorderhereblablbla..." He proceeded to order this long, complicated order that I had absolutely no chance of getting right. I read it back to him and he got all pissy because it wasn't correct. I called a manager over, and even she had trouble getting the order right. This guy was almost screaming at me, he got so mad. The intensity of the event made me so upset that I shed a few tears, and when I got home, almost shot myself. (That was before McDonald's stole my soul, so I still had emotions back then.) You don't like to repeat yourself, huh? Well, I don't like to serve complete bastards, so either leave your anger at the door, or kindly keel over and kiss my ass.

#7. Please, don't try to start a conversation with me.

I don't want to talk to you, no matter how nice and agreeable I may sound. All I want to do is take your order as fast as possible so I can serve the next customer.

So there you go. Cameron's foolproof guide on how to order at fast food restaurants.

(This post marks somewhat of a turning point. If you've known me on this forum for a while, you may have noticed that my posts, blogs, and status updates have been getting progressively sillier. Well, I aim to stop that. I'm becoming too giddy and goofy. As of this blog, I aim to recapture the old HM, that is, serious and angry. Have fun with the new old HM.)