The following quote applies to this review in retrospect. Please read. (Added 11/30/2016)

I had re-read my initial review and decided that I did a terrible job of talking about the serious problems. I sort of mention them and then trail off into "wasted potential" rants packed with incomplete sentences and sloppy grammar. I'm also keen on not editing what I post once it's out there unless it involves spelling errors, so...here comes this piece to fill in the void instead.

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Oh, would you look at that. A blog feature I've never noticed.

Alright, so I've finally decided to get off my ass and set up a blog. Here's where I'll write episode reviews. As the only time I've ever done this before was with the Show Discussion topics, I'll have more fun posting my thoughts here as I won't flood the pages of episode topics with my rants. And what better way to kick my blog off with reviewing an episode I really hate: Simple Ways!

A bit of back-story on this episode. When I first watched this, I sat there with a disgusted expression for 30 minutes. I decided to watch it again, and I sat there with the face you could mistake for suffering constipation for about 20 minutes. I saw a rerun later and bailed out immediately. And now I'm forcing myself to watch it again for the sake of writing a review. Hurray for loving to make myself suffer!

Alright, so let's get this abomination of writing up so I can write down my thoughts.

So the episode starts out with some sort of...contest result ceremony? I guess? I'm not really...I'm not really sure what's going on and we're only a minute in.

We move onto the first act, where we see what the intro was all about. Rarity's putting together the theme for the celebration of the foundation of Ponyville. As Spike flips through pages, I can't help but cringe every time the other characters say "ooh" and "aah." We aren't roll-calling Playhouse Disney mascots here, so could you please just shut the hell up?!

"Small...Town...Chic!"

As usual, Rarity is showing off her incredible dress designs. This is the premise of plenty of Rarity stories, so we'll just ignore it. The episode goes on to reveal one of Rarity's key motives: impressing Trenderhoof.

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Why, God? Why?

So we see the douchebag himself for the first time, only giving us a taste of the hell that we're about to endure. Twilight continues to tease Rarity about having a crush on Trenderhoof. This is clearly fantastic, as it worked out so well the first time. Meanwhile, at the train station, Rarity's acting like an dipshit already as we meet the clearly very intricate and incredibly deeply thought-out character that is...oh who am I kidding. Trenderhoof is this show's piss-poor excuse for a hipster and we all know it.

And thus, this day, Trenderhoof smiled like an ass.

Meanwhile, Rarity is still acting like an idiot as we are left sitting there and wondering what the heck is going on. Then Trenderhoof opens his mouth, and subsequently, I die a little inside. We follow Rarity and Trenderhoof's adventures across Ponyville when suddenly...

Love Triangle plot.

Freaking Love Triangle plot.

And thus, 7 minutes in, the story has jumped off the Statue of Liberty and splattered on the ground in a bloody pool of logic and interest.

We continue with the remains of the story as Trenderhoof has now noticed Applejack and, as I mentioned before, we embark on a Love Triangle plot. As Trenderhoof develops a crush on Applejack, Rarity is now left with her heart broken and we end the first act.

Still here? You shouldn't be. The story is over. Josh Haber just killed his own plot in the first act. It's all downhill from here.

Rarity watches as the episode dies, plotting to mutilate it's corpse

We return with the second act, and Spike seems to be surprisingly handling Rarity's affection for Trenderhoof quite well. No jealousy arcs that could possibly rape this episode more than it already has been. Could our little slave friend here be, *le gasp*, maturing?! Oh, whoops, sorry, no time for that, there's a terrible story to follow. Right, so Rarity is throwing a soap opera tantrum as Simple Ways becomes an episode of Degrassi.

Spike conveys my thoughts on this scene thus far while simultaneously showing the development of Sp-NOPE, gotta follow this terrible premise, moving on.

Meanwhile, Trenderhoof is stalking and harassing Applejack, acting like a complete blockhead. As he calls Derpy unappreciated, I can't help but think he's probably the stupidest character in this epi-HOLY JESUS CHRIST!

WH-WWW-WWwrh8372hg3t hreyuyreughurebgtergjnwnkjjkjjjkolnjbbvgfg

I-Ahu8whe...wrouwot.t.oguiirg....Sorry, I just had a stroke, a heart attack, and a seizure at the same damn time. Rarity has decided get stupid as well. Trenderhoof is clearly infecting Ponyville and my health. Just when you think the episode couldn't get much worse, Haber hits you with a trifecta of terrible:
Trenderhoof's stupid poem
Rarity's attempt to operate farm equipment
Rarity confronts Applejack, because clearly she's the root of the problem and not the only sane character left.

All of these scenes are ridiculous. Trenderhoof's an idiot and Rarity's acting like an idiot. This episode never fails to surprise me with its abilities to devolve into a cockamamie story. Every time you think it's reached its low...

"Si-e-mple Wayyyyzzzththhtfff"

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I'm not even going to try.

We end the second act with the equivalent of 10-month-old feces in a rusty toilet. *sigh*

We get to the third act, and everyone clearly thinks both her idea and her terrible, EPITOME OF GOD-AWFUL ACCENT are ridiculous. This episode is actually giving me brain cancer listening to Rarity's attempt at a southern accent. I understand that Tabitha is trying to have Rarity do a bad impression of Applejack, but this is a bad attempt at a bad attempt at an accent. I'll just try to tune her insufferably awful word pronunciations out.

Meanwhile, Applejack decides to teach Rarity a lesson by showing her how stupid she's being. As thankful as I am for Applejack remaining sane in this episode, this is all fanservice. This is sick fanservice. Nobody knows what's going on anymore.

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So, to recap, Rarity's acting like an idiot, Spike's incredible composure is being ignored, Applejack's treading thin ice, and Trenderhoof...wait, where is Trenderh-Oh THERE he is!

"Hey, plot, don't forget about me, your most loyal device!"

Yep. We've lost him. Come to think of it, we've never had him, but still...

After about 3 minutes of a stupidity contest, Rarity finally comes to her senses and conveys the slopped-together moral of the story, with her realizing her ignorance and reviving Small Town Chic. And with that we conclude "Simple Ways."

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What the hell was Josh Haber smoking when he thought this episode up?

The plot is about as sloppy and unappealing as a Quarter Pounder from an awful McDonald's branch on a hot summer day. This episode took a giant dump on Rarity's character and everything that makes her fun and interesting and replaces her with that everyday whore from High School for the sake of shoving a moral down your throat. Trenderhoof was a complete blockhead from start to finish and was one of the worst plot devices in the show's entirety. There's no real conflict in this episode either. It's just another stupid and tired love triangle plot.

The only thing good about this atrocious piece of writing is Spike, showing how he was able to deal with Rarity's crush on Trenderhoof. Obviously, this focus is sacrificed for all of the idiot main characters in the story. Thankfully, we expanding upon this maturity in "Inspiration Manifestation," which is a great episode I'll likely review at a later date.

Overall, "Simple Ways" is a terrible episode. I hate this story with a burning passion, and this is the last time I'm watching it as I want to do my best to forget it ever existed. I don't know how the hell Haber could possibly write great stories like "Castle Man-ia" and "Leap of Faith," and then come back to tell this tale. The piss-poor quality of writing shows desperately.

Simple Ways rating: 1/10
Status: The worst episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

And with that, I'm going to go jump in my bed and sulk. Goodnight.