*Peaks outside for Dark Qiviut Army*

 

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Oh, Jesus, they're gone. Alright, then, today, we're going to be reviewing Boast*turns around*BustAAAH!!

 

*Heart Attack*

 

Oh! You guys! I wasn't...I wasn't expecting you! Want some coffee? No? Okay, cool! Well, today...err...

 

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Can I review South Park instead? I'm gonna review South Park instead! Today, we're gonna talk about "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe." Now, this episode is...

 

*Army of Moderators outside my window*

 

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Heh, heh

 

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just...

 

just kidding.

 

T-today, we're g-gonna review "B-B-B-b-B-B-B-Boast Busters."

 

Now, this episode is an episode that exists and is a tangible thing that can be purchased on DVD or recorded on DVR and watched via television or a DVD player or a video game console such as the XBOX 360, XBOX ONE (I guess), PS2, PS3, PS4, PS9000, and the Magnavox Odyssey. Without further ado, let's commit suicid-I mean, review the show.

 

This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode...err...you're better off than I.

 

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*The Dark Qiviut Army sits on my living room couch*

 

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Alright, let's get started.

 

The episode opens up with Spike and Twilight practicing magic. Here, Spike gets a moustache, which isn't quite as funny as Krobo Production's YouTube Poop of part of this episode, "Friendship is Not Available in Your Country," where Spike gets a, err...let's just say, 25 types of tricks and counting indeed. 25 types of di-*DRAFTED*

 

Spike goes Sgt. Pepper on our asses.

 

After the credits, Twilight and Spike are walking in Ponyville when suddenly, Spike is trampled by Snips and Snails. The douchebags take our little friend to the Great and Powerful Trixie's magic show i-.........what?

 

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A...a magic show?

 

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What? What the fuck?

 

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Magic...magic is a thing in this universe.

 

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MAGIC IS COMMON IN EQUESTRIA!

 

Seriously, I don't understand the concept of this. Magic shows couldn't possibly work the same way in Equestria that it does here. In our world, magic is an illusion...

 

*Glances at angry magicians standing at my door with the draft-happy moderators*

 

Son of a bitch, would you people get off my property?!

 

Like I was saying, magic in our world isn't exactly "real." Even if it is, it's not as common as Equestria. In Equestria, every goddamn Unicorn plus Pinkie Pie has the ability to do magic. Some are better than others, yes, but what Trixie's doing would be amazing to Earth standards, not Equestria standards. So, why is everyone except our main heroes so goddamn amazed at this?!?!?!?!?

 

Actually, in this frame, Rainbow Dash is a bit too interested. Innuendooooooooooooooooo

 

On top of that, why are our main heroes so pissed off? Granted, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy don't express an opinion, but they don't even speak in this episode to begin with! Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash get increasingly annoyed by Trixie's loud overconfidence for her comparatively mediocre tricks. Sounds like Another Character We Know?? I mean, she's not putting on a very good show when Equestrian magic has the ability to blow shit up, but the least you guys could do is walk away. That's something I'd figure at least Rarity and Applejack would do. But no, here they go, trying to one up Trixie.

 

Your tricks suck too, Applejack. And who the hell let you out of rehab?

 

They all fail as you might expect, and they press Twilight to show Trixie how real magic is done. I realize there needs to be a character-central conflict, but all Twilight needed to do was blow up Trixie's stage and the episode would be over. Whatever, doesn't matter, we still have 12:20 of nothing happening to review. Spike talks to Snips and Snails about Trixie's show and then tries to convince Twilight to do magic, which, again, she does nothing. I really don't know why anyone should care about anything, so I don't blame Twilight for not giving a fuck. Except, it's not that she doesn't care as we'll soon learn. Meanwhile, Spike slams the door of nothingness to...*giggle*...have to open the door again to exit the room...*giggle*

 

*snicker*

 

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHLOLHAHAHA!

 

*Dark Qiviut army staring intensely*

 

AHAHAHAH-HAJklkfshfdfrl...I mean, that was a stupid gag! Screw you, Savino, you suck shit!

 

On the other side of town, Trixie's earlier boast at some point about having vanquished an Ursa Major is called into question when Snips and Snails find and piss one off. They bring it to Ponyville to rampage and logically, Trixie has no idea what to do. Luckily, Twilight is 2cool4urshit and puts the Ursa Minor back to sleep with a bottle of Ursa Major breast milk.

 

♪Rock-a-bye Bear-Thing in the cave top. When the kids find you, kill them next time.♪

 

Twilight apologizes for doing magic, Rainbow Dash explains that she doesn't like show-offs (royal dumbass right here), and they all praise Twilight because Twilight will be princess someday. Trixie is forced to run away because she sucks, and Snips, Snails, and Spike all get mustaches. Rarity didn't go for it, unfortunately for Spike, but hey, at least they can do "I Am the Walrus" now.

 

A splendid time is guaranteed for all.

 

And so ends "Boast Busters."

 

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Alright, alright, you got me, I didn't really care for this episode.

 

When I was younger and I first watched this, I wasn't really angry with this episode. I found it enjoyable and moved on to the next one. However, upon inspecting the premise again, this episode is really stupid. For one, Applejack and Rarity got very angry with Trixie's magic show because she was a loudmouthed show-off. So, why the hell do you idiots put up with Rainbow Dash, the other loudmouthed show-off in Ponyville? As I've already explained, magic doesn't work in Equestria the same way it does on Earth, as magic is a much more common thing and her tricks weren't that impressive comparatively. So, why the hell was everyone in the background so completely dazzled by the performance? It'd be like Fluttershy got up there and said "look, I can fly up to 10 feet off the ground!" and everyone had a damned seizure from the overpowering awesomeness.

 

And to top it all off, Twilight-motherfuckin'-Sparkle. It'd be fine, dare I say, downright hilarious, if Twilight was the only around here who didn't give one shit and was the one who put everything straight at the end by calling out everyone for their stupidity. Unfortunately, that's something South Park might do, but MLP iz ch1ldr3n sh0. No, Twilight didn't want to show off her magic because, well, she didn't want to be a show-off. I don't completely blame her, as this goes hand-in-hand with her character of being a bit of a recluse, but it becomes annoying when the whole premise and setup of the story work against the characters to make them all look bad. All for the anti-climax of the century. I don't hate this episode, per-say, like I said, I initially let this one slide and that was the reason I was unsure of reviewing this. Now, I'll gladly give this episode a 4/10 for just a terrible story and a terrible use of the characters.

 

And that's my review.

 

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*Dark Qiviut army leaves in satisfaction I think*

 

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Well, that was a bit of a drag. I thought I was going to like this episode and offer some kind of interesting counterpoint to the uproar against it. Turns out, it's as bad as everyone says. You know, I've learned something today. Chris Savino sucks, and I really need to go watch another MLP episode right now. Let's see, what's the next one in line?

 

 

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Okay, that'll do.