If it wasn't for those bloody flat-screen televisions they have now, then I would still be pursuing my career as an expert television sitter. 'Twas an exciting job. People would call and tell me that their telly has gotten tired and that they needed someone to sit for it because televisions can't sit on their own.

Now, television sitting was a very dangerous job. The telly had to be turned to channel 3.0006 and not a fraction more or less. If you were to have the channel just a hair off, then a ghastly looking sprite of sorts would materialise in the kitchen and destroy all of the customer's produce with its pet-rock. A very costly mistake. After turning the telly to its proper channel, You have to sit Indian-style atop the telly and read a passage from the "1984". Now it could be any passage, as long as that passage did not contain the word "me". If this happened, then the customer will be stricken with a deadly plague in a fortnight.

Once these steps are completed, the television should begin to thank you by flickering its screen on and off three times. Sometimes the television is not pleased due to the telly-sitter doing a bad job and flicker four times. Should this happen, the customer and the worker will drop dead.