I'm sure you noticed that something's different. Well, that'd be correct -- I have changed and in your eyes, probably not for the better.

I'm pretty much back to how I was before I got into MLP and its fanbase. Cold and unrelenting. Depending on how long you've known me, "cold and unrelenting" really doesn't sound like me, does it? In the early days of my involvement in MLP and its fanbase, i went from being cold and cynical to being much more positive. Optimism and faith as I've described it in other places.

Something that's becoming more and more clear to me is that being part of a community or society isn't all fun and joy. Exploitation isn't something you should be shocked to encounter. Is it fair? Of course not. Does it happen? Possibly more than you might think. This can take on many forms from the overt such as bullying to the covert such as acting insincerely towards others purely for the sake of gaining some sort of favor or upper hand. People can end up abused or even ostracized for something they may not have even done.

I used to think that we as bronies were somehow above this. How out of touch with reality I had gotten. That we truly cared for one another. Maybe that's the case for some but even then, not everyone can tell what the underlying forces that drive a person's behavior are or how to defuse such a person. Really, those who try the hardest only pay attention to the show which really isn't much to go by, honestly. When we see people, all we see is their exterior, not so much what is it that is influencing them. Really, who has the time and energy for that? The reason this matters is that when you place your faith into something or someone, you by definition make yourself dependent. This isn't a bad thing by default. In fact, I can personally tell you that dependence can be the place where healing happens. I've seen it and I've felt it. However, things can go terribly wrong. It's incredibly upsetting when someone or something you've come to emotionally depend on betrays or disillusions you and if you're not careful how you express said upset, you could risk turning even more people against you.

Before any of you think it's because of something that happened here, I will say no. Any venom I've leaked here is from something that festered from outside the borders of MLP Forums and it's for that reason I believe it's best I leave you out of it. Just letting you know. What's more, this addiction has seriously been hampering me. As I type this, I know I should be sleeping because I need to wake up early. My old ways, while dehumanizing and relentless, did show results that I no longer see since I've gotten into all of this so there's also that imperative coming from my real life circumstances. I must be brutally self-honest and not be afraid to hurt myself in order to get things done. It may not sound healthy but at the very least I had some self-esteem because I was getting things done.

So yeah, my activity is hopefully going to drop from here on out. I will stick around to keep in touch with specific people from here.