Well, i just gotta clear my head this entry is just random stuff that's been nagging at me for the longest time so i just decided "Buck it i need to get this off me" so yeah...

well for those who don't know i'm 15 and you know the cycle of teenage life Get good grades in High School, Find a part time job, get a bit of money to spend on stuff, declare independence and well i'm failing the second part of the cycle i can't find a job and it sucks because i can't even get one solely because of something i can't control and well it's getting to me and it's bugging the hell out of me there's a couple of reasons why i can't get a job

1. All the places i think of have no job openings near me

2. All the places that have job openings are too far away

3. They require having social skills (which i have none of)

the second thing is that i can barely sleep at night i keep waking up from either a nightmare or i just have to much on my brain to think about and i'm getting to the end of my wits from not being able to sleep and yeah there have been times where i'm just willing myself to sleep and well it's just annoying because i want to sleep but i can't

and well i guess last thing is that i'm not adapting to being out of hospital yet i'm just finding myself confused and out of my head like things that i was good at just became to hard for me like at pokemon for example i usually beat all my friends in battles but recently I've just had a very long string of losing and only one friend of mine who doesn't really care if they win or lose one day came up to me and was like "Hey, you okay you don't seem to be yourself anymore" and i looked at them and i said "well... i have no clue i feel... i don't know like i'm confused and making mistakes that i have never made before and it's starting to get to me a bit" i have never said something like that to a friend i usually say "yeah... i'm fine just bit tired or something" because i don't really want my friends to know that i'm being troubled by something so yeah...

writing about this kind of helped me i guess well i suppose this is good day to you all