7/7/14

My day started out awful. Nightmares about a traumatic event from my past spiraling into different scenarios woke me up around seven. Decided to grab some clothes and take a shower and some new cd's still in cases fell, breaking one case and scratching the cd. Started up the stairs and tripped. At this point I did the stupid thing and punched the stairs making my now slighty (more scratched and bruised than anything) injured right hand match the left. Was even grouchier when I over stepped the top step and nearly fell through the opening door.

Before I go farther I should explain. I've got a terrific streak of winning the getting screwed lottery. I have terrible luck, a traumatic past, and I'm pretty much the closest thing possible to a real incredible hulk. When my temper gets the best of me I become a monster. Friend or foe get my past my control point and you'll be lucky to escape with barely a scratch. Ironically I'm normally a peaceful person who hates even the slightest arguement between two or more people. I blame this on the fact I grew up thinking I was an only child, had step dad as nice as old hades himself, and pretty much knew that every violent fight my mom and step dad got into was my fault.

This has resulted in the fact that my violent temper now has me fearing for those closest to me. I consider myself a danger because of the fact that I have no control of my overly violent temper and am therefor not much more than a ticking time bomb that will more than likely will become an unwilling prisoner not just to my anger but to the government as well if my anger is unwillingly pushed far enough.

Doesn't help that I'm pretty much trailer trash poor and am too afraid of the consequences of my temper getting pushed to far to get a job. I tried for ssi but basically was too smart to be on it despite my temper, poor health, and autism. Before all that there was the ups and downs that didn't help my anger recede.

Late 2000 I finally found out I had siblings. Things started looking good despite the incidents my anger and caused. I had been unknowingly influenced in a life changing way by a movie, found out I had and hung with my siblings, and pretty much was heading for near bliss. Then boom siblings were gone and fights at home became worse.

Through all this though the seed I'd mentioned before thrived and managed to keep me alive. Since the day it bloomed I've been somewhat more positive. I resumed what I thought was a normal life. I had my guardian spirits at night that gave me the dream come true of a perfect family as well as the powers I'd gained before I met them, when I'd travel to their plane at night. I was soon living the life of a superhero any kid wanted to be, albeit a more miniscule one due to my curiousity of the microverse. This lasted through to January 2014, though I theorize maybe was removed more around mid 2013.

Cimarronboy had went from being a username to taking a physical life of his own and is actually now part of me. At night I'd crossover and the adventures soon started going from my head to virtual paper. I kept a few inside my head as they were more difficult for me to put into words (until this blog which is where I'll journal the thoughts and happenings to tie into my fanfics). I'd pretty much had one life here in this plane on earth as an overweight asthmatic stereotypical nerd and another in a different plane as a superhero based off all the things that I'd come to love. From this secret night life spawned some of the greatest discoveries known to man, mainly musical energy. Unfortunately a chain of unfortunate events laid ahead in my spiritual future that would lead me to where I am now.

I finally had gotten tired of seeing these blasted my products everywhere like a plague. I decided to do the jerk thing and research some stuff I could use to insult those who held the blasted creatures as high as gods. Long story short it backfired and I became a brony.

I spread the "infection" as I jokingly called it amongst my closest friends. Soon I had a dream an invention of my kidnapped me and sent me to equestria (side effects of stuff breaking when sat on accidently). I was now trapped there when my body here slept. No longer was I able to spend time with those I called family and friend nor spend hours in those places where everything felt perfect.

As time went on my astro-forme grew somewhat accustomed to equestria and it's natives. I came to find myself as connected with some of it's more famous inhabitants, mainly the ones that we know more about here on earth. Unfortunately there was still the matter of getting back home. Homesickness would hit cimmy hard every once in a while and despite the strength of his new found friends cimmy couldn't get over it.

At this point I'll start telling things from his/my perspective during the crossovers, being that we are one and the same:

Recently I'd gotten news through the web (thank lulu equestria has an internet) that the royal side of my family would soon be getting new stories on earth as well as I'd be getting a baby brother to go with them. My first thoughts were to research the news and maybe find out more about this "guard" that was going to be set up back in homeland. My second thoughts were that the royals are going to be VERY unhappy if I missed this event and that I had to get home before it happened.

Unfortunately since I'd lost my spirit (the afformentioned bloomed seed) due to the baby sister I had on earth trying to commit (literally felt a ripping sensation and something disappearing as I heard straight from her mouth) I haven't been able to return to the herd nor the pride. I've tried everything I can think of and still I'm stuck here. Being embarassed about returning to a home filled with the spirit I lost and not having to also doesn't help matters much. The only thing I have yet to try is one of the magic mirrors I've used about twice now. Unfortunately I know not how to create one specifically and adjust it to my purpose nor is that information readily available despite my bonds with she who has such info and the services I've done for her country. A recent incident in the catacombs below the castle involving some gem poaching pooches didn't help when my path had to be destroyed to save the city above and interrupted my search for a location I'd heard would have the info I so desperately need.

After such I reflected on my past no thanks to a bout of homesickness. A terrible thought occured and I have since left the care of the castle staff and the princess sisters. The thought was the time between when my earth existence became a brony and I'd lost my only tie to rain and the herd I'd called family. It was barely around half a year. This somewhat incriminated the ponies I'd come to call sisters, aunts, friends, and even my love, albeit in an unknowing and unwilling way. They could have spiritually hijacked me.

Knowing I must find the truth I left immediately. If they were proven innocent I'd return and ask their forgiveness for my unintentional soul searching trip. If they were proven guilty well I feared my wrath for those equestrians closest and decided that the wilds were a safer place to be if my greatest fears came true.

Days since I left the element bearers and the moon princess showed up demanding answers or my return to their civilization. I answered as much and as honestly as possible. The one I call my love was a bit more difficult as our separation tore at us both. I bestowed upon her a trinket that would show my love for her and also my condition should she use enough energy upon it. I then disappeared from them and made my way to a safe distance at the edge of the countries borders. My corazon ,though, is becoming an irritant. Her constant playing of the love songs and such that bond us in order to get me back from my abandoned music player, is tearing my heart further.

Tonight she played on old tune that spoke to me in the moments that now elicit the full understanding of a song. In a way I wish to return to her and the little near double I've come to call our little sister. I know that if she got a look at the wounds from my human plane incidents that I'll probably be scolded for carelessness and drowned in the sink to get the wilderness cleaned from my hide.

For now I might return to the home of my corazon and accept her generosity. Though as for my bonds they will remain uncertain until I find the truth as to why the thing that kept me alive for so long has vanished and left me weakened. Until thing I shall also search for a way to return to the life I once knew as inheritor of both leadership of the herd and king.....