Thought I'd write a quick blog just to explain things, just in case anyone wants to know.

I am depressed. I have been so for years, before I was ever here. I had taken the depression, and hidden it from myself, from the world at large.

The happy, silly me was basically a lie, so I could avoid the depression. Will I ever go back to that? I don't know.

Various things, including job seeking pressure caused my lifelong insomnia to get worse, which caused the wall holding back the depression to shatter.

I plan to see a doctor about it, whether or not I'll actually find the motivation to do so is another matter. What will happen then... I don't know. I don't know if I'll get better, or if I'll get worse.

One thing I do know is that I am not going to commit suicide. I've nearly done it before, not going down that route again. I will remain alive, however miserable I feel.

So until I get better, if I do, thank you for putting up with me.

Q