Aaaaaah.

 

Good morning, my faithful students.

 

Isn't it a bright and sunny day today? It's a bright and sunny day today. Let's all sit together and worship our lord in prayer.

 

 

*chants* Salom, mening go'zal ma'buda / Men besh qurush qarz mumkin / Men keyingi eshik qo'shni besh bo'ladi / Men u dunyodagi eng issiq ayol eshak bola sifatida nima qilayotganini bilmaydilar / Salom Aaaaaaaaaah / Salom Aaaaaaaaaaaah / Agar meni eshitishingiz mumkin Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

 

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Wasn't that refreshing? Now, what better way to start the brand new day, fellow brothers and sisters...

 

...then to recite a scripture from the Solra. Turn with me to Starswirl 3:17.

 

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And when we get there

 

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It says. "For Celestia sent not her Son into the world to condemn the world; because she had her tubes tied; but the world through incompetency might be saved."

 

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Truly words to live by, isn't it brothers and sisters? Do you read what it says? Through INCOMPETENCY...the world might be saved. Through incompetency. We are truly living in a world of incomptency, isn't that right brothers and sisters? How lucky we are to be born in the same day and age as our lord and savior. Celestia.

 

And now I am to address the congregation this fine morning with one of the finest examples of our dear lord's message. The My Little Pony episode "Suited for Success" teaches us that we are all slowly becoming incompetent, and that we will soon become the very mastery of the lord.

 

This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode, refer to Luna 7:23, which says "and blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me."

 

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Holy shit, do I need to frame that scripture...

 

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The episode, congregation, begins with Rarity, who is deciding which beautiful holy dress she will design for the Grand Galloping Gala. Unfortunately, my brethren, Rarity is what we as Celestianites call a "materialistic crack whore bitch." We should knock down her door and say "SISTAH! YOU NEED CELESTIA!" and hand her a pamphlet to one of our plays. That'll get her to change her life around today! Can I get an AMEN on that!

 

Sistah! That is not the WAY! That is not the WAY! That is not the WAY! That is not the WAY! (If I say it enough, maybe she'll open her door). That is not the WAY!

 

As we see, Rarity is using her cat as a means for social conversation and help running her business. Brethren, this sister REALLY needs Celestia, and an insane asylum. I digress, however. As we continue on, we see her friends enter her home uninvited. Applejack, who is what the kids call...*ahem*... "stoned-as-F," and Twilight Sparkle, the head of our congregation. I personally do not see why Sister Twilight just entered Rarity's room. Even if she is a "crack whore bitch," you must patiently wait at the door for hours on end, not do something effective like barge in there. Looks like they both need Celestia, CAN I GET AN AMEEEEENN ON THAAAT!

 

"Darling, I respect your religion, but if this is what you go to 'church' with, you need to contemplate suicide."

 

It turns out, Sister Twilight was hoping that Rarity could repair her dress for the Gala. As Rainbow Dash barges in through the roof, Rarity gets the idea that she should make dresses for Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. She also offers to make one for Pinkie Pie, but we will not mention her, because we all know what that tramp bitch did to us all last episode. Her and her false philosophies. She then progresses into a beautiful song.

 

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What am I saying? "Art of the Dress" bores me, and borderline annoys me. Not even a religion change can make me like this crap.

 

Trippy, man. O_O

 

Rarity then brings all of her friends to see her work. To put it bluntly, as my former self might have done it.......they hate it. Apparently, this is not what any of them envisioned, so they commission her to try again. Over the course of the next couple of days, as Rarity struggles to please her friends, the other five insist on making several changes to better suit their vision. This works poor Rarity into the ground. Sounds like she needs Celestia, CAN AH GAHN'N AHHHEMEMMMENNNN ON DAHYT!!!!!!!

 

This remark is unholy of me, but....you want me to buy you the rope?

 

She reprises her earlier song in a montage of stress. Maybe they should have called it "Art of the Stress." Do you FEEL me, brothers and sisters?! In this montage, Rainbow Dash says that her dress needs to be "about 20% cooler." Apparently, this phrase is popular with the youth. SOUNDS LIKE THEY NEED CELESTIA, CANFFJSK GETOSILK AMENS ON DIATUJHSIEEEEEEEEEETTTTTT?!?!??!?>!!?!!????!!1 *ahem* Finally, her friends accept the many, many revisions of the pieces. As an added bonus, Hoity Toity, one of the hotshot fashion critics in Canterlot, is coming to Ponyville to see Rarity's work! And just look at what beautiful dre-

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I mean, Rainbow Dash's outfit is 20% cooler than the others, but I'm biased because Pinkie Pie is sucking the air out of the color of life with her abominable presence. Unfortunately, the Hoity Toity guy hates the dresses, demanding to know who's responsible for this, and I quote, "horrors." Spike introduces Rarity to the stage to present herself. I can only imagine that Spike has no idea what's going on, for which, as my former self might have said, makes him a "big fat...ahem...D-word." Rarity then falls into a depression. Again, my former self might have reused the "she then commits suicide" joke that I used when I was a sinful Pinkie Pie follower. But no more, BECAUSE I FAWWUWNDNND CELESTIA CANAAH GETTANANNA AMEMEMEEEEEEEEENNNNNNUETSKJHIJTHJTN!

 

*coughs blood*

 

.........So her friends make it up to her.

 

That dress looks terrible.

 

Subsequently, Rarity is repaid through this act of materialism and her career is forever ruined. The end.

 

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Ha-ha-ha, I speak in jest, my brothers and sisters! My FORMER SELF might have just abruptly ended at that remark as a form of sarcasm, but SARCASM IS FOR THE DEVIL WORSHIPERS! No, no, no, my friends, Rarity gets one more chance to show her original designs to Hoity Toity, in which he had this to say:

 

 

It looks like he just found Celestia, CUETIUITMSMNAMENESMONTHATEAMENMMESPLZLOL!

 

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And that was "Suited for Success." What does it teach us about incompetency?

 

Well, my brothers and sisters, it teaches us that we should always get involved in things we don't know about. As Rarity's friends pretended to know a darned thing about fashion, they showed us that ignorance is bliss, and those are the teachings of Celestia and her disciples. We must practice incompetency every single day of our lives if we are to live in an everlasting peace with her majesty. Therefore, I will give this episode an 8/10 for this truly holy moral. Praise our lord!

 

No, but seriously though, this episode was pretty good overall, 8/10.

 

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Wasn't that a refreshing lesson, brothers and sisters? We can truly learn a lot from Celestia and her teachings for our everyday life. Let us close with one final prayer.

 

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Endi u qadar uzoq vaqt davomida vaqti keldi / Lekin, biz faqat yana bir qo'shiq ayting / Sizning ishtirok qilish uchun rahmat / Siz ishonch hosil aqlli / Biz albatta istayman, hech narsa qilish mumkin.

 

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Aaah.

 

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One final announcement to the congregation, your book study assignment for the week is to watch the next episode of My Little Pony, "Feeling Pinkie Keen." You are to watch it and report back with a full review on how Pinkie Pie is the very embodiment of Satan himself and should be executed with the utmost force for her false teachings and unrealistic power. Remember, brothers and sisters, whenever you don't agree with something, use violence to put an end to it. I will return on our Friday congregation to give my report, and then we'll open it up to questions. Salami and bacon, my beloved brothers and sisters.