Slice of Life Review

 

It feels like just yesterday I was a 12-year-old asshead sitting on my bed flipping through channels just to happen to catch an episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ("Stare Master"). Granted, I changed the channel when it was over and didn't become a fan of the show for another year, but I still remember that afternoon....

 

Hmph. Do I really remember that afternoon?

 

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Slice of Life Review

 

...barely...

 

Oh. That makes more sense.

 

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Well, I'm gonna go play Swordburst Online now.

 

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OH SHIT, WAIT, IT'S FRIDAY! I HAVE TO DO A REVIEW! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHello everyone. Today we're going to be reviewing the classic My Little Pony episode, "Stare Master."

 

Yes, it's true, "Stare Master" was the very first episode of this show that I watched. I really don't remember the afternoon in which it took place, but I was flipping through channels and I stumbled upon the Hub. I used to watch Transformers: Prime on the Hub before I even considered My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic as a thing, and no, as I've mentioned before, the "gender line" never crossed my sheltered little mind, so I must have been interested in what else was on the channel. I mean, Prime was such a great show, what else could Hasbro churn out?

 

...Well, they had Dan Vs. That was about it...

 

I wonder what it was about this episode that made me just completely forget about the show until a whole year later. I sat through a good portion of it, all the way to the end in fact! Why did it take "Epic Wub Time" of all fucking things to get me interested in the show when I had this episode as a first impression. Did it not strike me as much as Prime?

 

LOL SEE WHAT I DID THERE "PRIME" "STRIKE" LOLOL GENIUZ

 

Let's find out! This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen the "Stare Master," odds are, you watch Transformers: Prime. It's good, right?

 

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Onward to find the Omega Keys!

 

So the episode opens up with Swee-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

OUT YOU DEMONS! AWAY FROM THIS HOUSEHOLD! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!!!

 

It's a fucking Cutie Mark Crusaders episode!!! Shit! I should'a seen it coming! The Cutie Mark Crusaders sent me away from this series from the get-go! IT WAS A SIGN! THEY WERE TRYING TO WARN ME OF THE COMING ALL-PISSING STORY ARC FUCK UP!

 

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The episode opens up with Rarity, actually, with Sweetie Belle in the background, pacing all over the place trying to find something I can't be bothered to go back and listen for. It's probably one of her sex toys. That's when Fluttershy shows up with the other two demons from Hell + Opalescence as THE STARE is foreshadowed very, very subtly. And by very subtly, I mean they shit the foreshadowing into their hand and smear it all over our faces until we vomit that we understand the direction of this episode. So, unfortunately, as if this plot wasn't confusing enough, Rarity doesn't have time to watch the CMC for their slumber party because she has to make dresses or some shit. That's when Fluttershy offers to take them for the night.

 

This is gonna be a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong episode.

 

So the CMC spend the night at Fluttershy's trying to find their special talent. I understand this is the first episode where they genuinely attempt this, but it's so out-of-place knowing this is what they do all series long, and even more frustrating when you learn the conclusion. At least for me, anyway, I've heard "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" is generally praised in the fandom. Unfortunately, you can't possibly mistake me for someone who gives a good flying fuck, so we'll just move on. The gang comes across Twilight, who believes Fluttershy is incapable of watching over the children. However, Fluttershy says that he can handle them, saying that these "angels" (who have ruined my life) will be no trouble at all. I'm sure it's easy for you to say that, Fluttershy, YOU DON'T KNOW THE THINGS I'VE SEEN! YOU DON'T KNOW THE THINGS I'VE DONE! I'VE KILLED A MAN, MOTHERF-

 

See that, Fluttershy? THAT'S how you cheer. Maybe next time "Sonic Rainboom" runs on repeat for the 500th time, you'll get it right!

 

So, as you might imagine, the "little angels" aren't so angel-ish once they get to Fluttershy's house. They want to discover their special talent, and they suggest a variety of different things. These activities range from creature catching in the Everfree Forest to performing heart surgery on broken shelves. To no avail, of course, we'll pull something COMPLETELY out of left field in season five, trust me! Alright, alright, that's enough "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" bashing for one review paragraph. As the Crusaders make more of a mess trying to crusade, Fluttershy suggests they go to bed. Which is odd, considering 1) It's a sleepover, you don't go to bed at a fucking sleepover, and 2) THEY JUST GOT THERE! It was about this point in the episode that I as a twelve-year-old impressionable youth tuned in to the show for the first time. And this was among the first things I saw:

 

lel, instant fan

 

At this point in time, I was also binge watching shows like "Jem and the Holograms," and grew up on Disney Channel, so I was no stranger to extremely gay music numbers. I still don't have a problem with them so long as they're done right and have musical merit of their own. Thankfully, this lullaby is no "Let the Rainbow Remind You," so I'll be good for now. Besides, that one pretty much kicked ass and was quite amusing. No wonder I stayed to finish the episode when I could've just as easily gone and watched something much more potent, like "Drake and Josh." Meanwhile, the CMC escape to the backyard to corral the chickens that escaped. Then, this happens.

 

HOLY SHIT! ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED!

 

Jesus CHRIST that was creepy as fuck! So, this is apparently the so-called "stare" that was foreshadowed earlier. Meh. Fluttershy takes the children back to bed, but they stay up anyway. Again, whole point of a sleepover. They discuss that they still need to find their special talent. Apple Bloom recognizes that one of the chickens escaped into the Everfree Forest, and set out to rescue it. Sneaking past Fluttershy, they make their way into the wilderness. Soon after, Fluttershy discovers that the kids are missing once again, and must venture out to find them before something not-so-TV-Y happens. It's too late, Fluttershy. Your damn episode already lead to something not-so-TV-Y. And it's called "PrymeStriker's Episode Reviews!" Only on the Hub!

 

You're responsible for all of this! I bet that makes you feel like shit! Muahahhahaha........................................That's all I've got for this caption. Move along.

 

So Fluttershy ventures out into the Everfree Forest to find Twilight Sparkle stoned out of her mind. This could only be the work of a Cockatrice! No, seriously, it's the work of a Cockatrice. Didn't know that a Cockatrice was a thing? Well, it is! This leaves the children in incredible danger, as they could become drug addicts like Twilight. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, meanwhile, come across the chicken thingy before Fluttershy can find them, and a chase ensues. As they all cross paths, the Cockatrice tries to turn Fluttershy to stone but, and I'm not kidding, he uses THE STARE to save the day.

 

Yep....seriously...look:

 

Turn me to stone? I'M ALREADY MADE OF STONE! Get it? Because she went tranny in "Bridle Gossip" and now he has a stone di-

 

Yes, even though the Cockatrice is clearly winning on a physical level, Fluttershy psychologically tortures the animal until it gives up. That's our resolution. That's it, episode over.

 

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Well, actually, the CMC learn to listen to Fluttershy, and there's this whole ending scene that's actually very charming where Rarity can't control them but Fluttershy shows that she can and stuff. It's quite cute. But THEN the episode's over.

 

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And that was "Stare Master."

 

So, this episode is pretty mediocre, honestly. The resolve is kind of ridiculous for the situation it sets up in the climax and the moral is almost completely unrelatable unless you want to do "Illuminati Confirmed" everything, but on the flip-side, the CMC and Fluttershy's dynamics are very charming. I don't know if it should balance out the awkwardness, but it does. And this episode holds a special place with me as being the very thing that introduced me to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Having re-watched this episode, I completely understand not coming back to this series for another year as nothing about this episode would strike me as groundbreaking, neither then 'nor now.

 

I guess it goes to show the lukewarm nature of the episode was even there with me at a time where I wasn't fully capable of analyzing anything or being able to articulate why I liked something or why I didn't. The only difference now is that I can tell you what worked for me and what failed, no matter how brief or extensive I want to rant about it. It's kind of sad that I can't say anything praise-worthy about the first episode I watched of this series, but if it's any consolation, the next real episode of the show that would eventually get me hooked on the series was "A Friend in Deed." When we get there, we can all have a gush-fest together. For now, I'm giving "Stare Master" a 7/10 overall.

 

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Well, that was a nice trip into the past. I mean, this whole "rewatching the series" arc is a nice trip into the past overall, but this episode especially. Now I'm gonna have to go binge-watch Season 1 Transformers: Prime again to get the full experience of one of the last years of my innocence. And lucky me, I've got a whole weekend to do it. Yippee. No matter the nutcase, I'll see you guys again on Monday to review "The Show Stoppers."

 

....wait....."The Show Stoppers......"

 

A.......another CMC episode?

 

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Meanwhile, remaining in the Everfree Forest*