Season two, eh? Never reviewed a season two episode before.

 

Well, I guess there's a first time for everything. I remember my first time..............................................................

 

 

 

Alright, welcome to the second season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Now, it's true, I've never reviewed a season two episode in any respect. I think I reviewed two episodes in season three and most of season four back in the day before my blog was a thing, each of those one-paragraph, sometimes three-sentence reviews buried somewhere in the Show Discussion forum, but I've never done season two. Or season one for that matter, but it's too late for me to acknowledge that considering I just did all 26 of 'em. Anyways, this is a brand new experience, so let's dive in to the premiere, "The Return of Harmony (Part 1)"

 

This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen "The Return of Harmony"........................................

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This episode opens up with Cheerilee showing her cla-............cl........................c..............................ass......s...sass...........sa..aa.............a...................

 

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE FUUUCKIN' CUITE MAARKK CRUSAAADERRS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, they're only there for the prologue. Nevermind, I am satisfy. So, on this class trip, the CMC learn about Discord, who is a draqoneuszljfiojizz that represents chaos, confusion, and evil. Meanwhile, it appears he's finally decided to escape his stone imprisonment.

 

Celestia really needs to stop dropping her iPhones statues.

 

Back in Ponyville, far away from the CMC ( ), strange things are occurring. The clouds have turned to cotton candy, the rain has turned to chocolate rain / some stay dry and others feel the pain, and the bunnies have turned to abominations. Twilight thinks she has a spell to fix everything, but she's stupid so she's wrong. Celestia subsequently sends the group an urgent invitation to the castle in this time of chaos. There, she explains that one of her old foes, Discord, has returned. Just in time for backstory, she explains how Discord used to cause pain to all the ponies (he's my favorite already) with his chaos, and when she and Luna found the Elements of Harmony, they turned him to stone. Yes, about that, where's Luna?

 

Neither Celestia 'nor Luna look remotely like that. I hate when children paint on the fuckin' windows.

 

Celestia explains that she needs the six of them to wield the Elephants of Harmony once again to defeat Discord. Pinkie Pie interrupts by telling her apostles that they should reconsider this. "Chaos comes with chocolate rain" she says. I agree. The world can go to shit, fuck it, chocolate rain sounds kickass. Anyway, as Celestia brings out the box and opens it, she realizes that the elements have been stolen. Frozen, the ponies don't know what to do until they hear the chuckle of his majesty and his satanic request. Discord is here.

 

You're a lot more two-dimensional than I thought you'd be. And this is a cartoon.

 

Discord, after some fucking around, gives the ponies a riddle to find the elements again. "Twists and turns are my master plan, then find the elements back where you began." Despite the incoherency of the riddle's narrative, the ponies decide to take matters into their own hands vaginas hooves and solve the riddle. Twilight thinks they're in the palace labyrinth, but again, that's fuckin' stupid. The second half of the riddle was "FIND THE ELEMENTS BACK WHERE YOU BEGAN". You didn't begin in the maze, you little shit, and your entire base for thinking the ELEMENTS are in the LABYRINTH is the three words "TWISTS AND TURNS". You fucking idiot, Twilight. Twists and turns are his master plan. I doubt a maze is his goddamned master plan. However, Twilight is slow as fuck so Discord's gonna play along and use it to his advantage. As the ponies retardedly follow the dumbass they've elected leader, Discord prepares his game. First rule -- no flying, and no magic. That means we pluck the horns and the wings off these ponies.

 

Hey, Discord, could you kill Twilight, please? Rainbow Dash is becoming smarter than her.

 

The second rule -- everypony has to play or Discord wins. Therefore, the games begin as Twilight says they can win this if they have each other. Then Discord splits them apart. I want Discord to be my friend so I can kill everybody everywhere enjoy my life for a change. They plan to regroup at the center, but some things are about to take place. What things you might ask? Well, let's look at what Applejack does. First, she's trying to get to the center, but then she's interrupted by a couple of apples, so she follows them. Then she's in an apple orchard, and all the apples form faces and start talking to her by Discord's puppet strings. Through manipulation of the truth, he manages to shatter Applejack's spirit and get her to degenerate against her elephant of harmony.

 

............................................................*Applejack says nothing*...........................................................BULLSHIT! YOU DIRTY LIAR!

 

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie is going anti-friendship by Discord's tricks when a party is presented to her. The balloons tell her that her friends aren't laughing with her when she makes jokes or whatever, but rather, laughing at her. From there, it's "Party of One" all over again, just without the straight hair or the bucket of onions for her BFF. Speaking of "Party of One"......THE EYELASH IS STILL IN MY EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Rarity also gets distracted by what she thinks is an enormous dildo diamond, but is actually a dirty cock rock. As Twilight starts rounding up all of her friends, she starts to notice they've gone cuckoo and gets suspicious. However, Discord is having intense trouble manipulating Fluttershy, as she constantly agrees with his "suggestions" that she is weak and that she's flawed. Discord decides she's been nice far too long and just forces her into cruelty.

 

Fluttershy's such a dick.

 

There's only one pony left, and that's among the most detrimental -- Rainbow Dash. Discord manages to convince RD that Cloudsdale is crumbling without her, and with her IQ, she's pretty easy to fool. So Discord cracks a deal with her. Rainbow Dash can quit the game and get her wings back, being able to fly off and leave to do whatever she wants, such as help Cloudsdale, OR she can stay here and help the Ponyville cunts that are clearly beneath her. Putting her wings in a present box, Discord leaves the decision completely up to Rainbow Dash. As the ponies try to locate their final friend, they see her take off into the skies.

 

Rainbow Dash is smarter than Twilight by default for flying away. GG, I award you 20 points.

 

But WAIT. What was rule number one? NO WINGS, NO MAGIC? Well, that means the game is OVER and DISCORD WINS! Hooray! Now Equestria will be a decent place to live for once! The storm of chaos is fast approaching. Will our "heroes" defeat my hero? Or will my hero taste the rainbow? We'll have to wait, because part 1 is part done.

 

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Holy shit, I love this episode.

 

This obviously goes for the premiere overall, but I just love Discord. As a villain, he just kicks all kinds of ass with his manipulative sarcasm and random antics. Even Pinkie Pie thinks he's a pretty cool cat. Discord was and still is one of my favorite characters of the series. On top of that, I love watching part one for its incredible setup and well-done execution in all the basic departments, such as characterization, storytelling, and so forth. My only complaint is that Twilight's deduction of Discord's clue genuinely pissed me off, because she completely missed the point, reinforcing my repeated criticism of the character that, for the "smartest" of the mane six, she's genuinely stupid as fuck. However, this is not enough to ruin this episode, and things clearly only get better in part two, so I'm just gonna have to give part one a 10/10. Exceptional work, a clear recovery from season one.

 

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Well...

 

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Same time tomorrow then?