Previously on My Little Bony: Endlessly Flaccid...

This One Guy: "Never reviewed a season two episode before."

That Same One Guy About Two Minutes Later: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA/\AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE FUUUCKIN' CUITE MAARKK CRUSAAADERRS!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Kinky Die: "Chaos comes with chocolate rain."

The Same Goddamn One Guy: "I agree. The world can go to shit, fuck it, chocolate rain sounds kickass."

Sandy: "I'm sorry, Chad, but I'm in love with David."

Audience: "*GASP*"

Chad: "That's okay, Sandy. I've been having sex with your sister."

Audience: "*LOUDER GASP*"

This Two Guy: "Well...................Same time tomorrow then?"

CUE TITLE SEQUENCE!

(Our worlds are in danger / To save them and the galaxy we must find the four Cyber Planet Keys / before the Decepticons can use them for evil / It is our mission / Hot Shot! Jetfire! Vector Prime! Landmine! Scattorshot! Optimus Prime!)

Spoilers ahead

-

-

-

-

-

-
Okay, so where did we leave off? Oh, that's right. The game is over and Discord won. That should be the series finale.

Now, you know how I bitched that Twilight was so stupid thinking the elements were in the labyrinth? Well, to my surprise, I didn't even need to rage. This episode opens up with [some in-fighting and] Discord showing Twilight that she missed the point of his riddle. SERIOUSLY! Look! He does it!

Realizing you're a dumbass shithole, Twilight? Good. Fuck you.

After that, Twilight goes "But...but..." and I'd really love to hear what would've come after that had Discord not interrupted her. I really would like to know how the fuck she deduced "find the elements back where you began" would be in the labyrinth. Alas, this is why Discord is one of my favorites. He knew the elements weren't in the labryinth, and he knew Twilight was being a dumbass, but he used it to his advantage. Though, in the end, you could say that these "twists and turns" were part of his master plan. I digress, however. Twilight now take the opportunity to think what "back where you began" means. OH, GEE, HA-DOY, LET'S TRY PONYVILLE she says. Too late now -- Discord's turned their roads to soap.

It's like driving in New Jersey.

Anyway, they get to Twilight's library, but not before the dark side of ponies grow ever stronger. Now our friends are not only DULL technicolor, they've been drained of all color in their renders! Oh dear! They're going 1950's on us, but without the politeness! Haste must be made if Twilight wants to ever redeem her friends, but not before Fluttershy throws some water on Twilight giving her the ultimate burn: "what's soaking wet and clueless -- YOUR FACE!" I love this premiere. I fucking love it. Shortly afterwards, Spike finds a book that could help, and the other four ponies play toss-around with it before Twilight can get a hold of it. That pisses her off, and they all brawl each other before she and Spike guard the book from her friends. This is her book, and she's gonna read it!

Scrolls were a common weapon used in politically correct times.

Luckily, the elements are back where she began -- in that book. However, the trouble is no longer finding the Elephants of Harmony. Neigh. The trouble is now getting the other five ponies to wear the elements and form in unity to defeat Discord. This is a tricky task, as the four ponies that are with Twilight are insane and hate each other, and Rainbow Dash is fucking around somewhere else. Rude, hilariously vicious ponies, a smartass villain, and no Rainbow Dash? This is the best fucking premiere ever created! *ahem* Back to the story, Twilight starts sapping that "her friends..." before the episode turns to comedy by ending her sentence with perfect score "...HAVE TURNED INTO COMPLETE JERKS! *puts elements on the others* NECKLACE! NECKLACE! NECKLACE! NECKLACE! BIG CROWN THINGY! LET'S GO!" I know I'm quoting the episode more than usual, but oh my god, this episode is taking all the pain of the eyelash lodged in my eyeball away! Meanwhile, Spike is going to fill in for Rainbow Dash as the elephant of loyalty. That doesn't work, the ponies get tired of each other, and Twilight goes to the dark side.

Twilight's broken spirit causes her to decide to leave Ponyville, but Spike is incredibly sick from all the letters Celestia's been sending. What letters? She's sending back all the "Dear Princess Celestia" letters she's sent throughout season one, and as Twilight reads them, her faith in friendship starts to rejuvenate. She now knows what she needs to to do get her friends back! She first visits Applejack on her farm, and tells her that she's ready to fight for their friendship. As Applejack says "where were you when I was battling Discord?", I had to pause for laughter. Subsequently, Twilight tackles Applejack to the ground and presses her magical horn against her forehead. This sounds like the beginning of a bad porno, but don't worry. She's transferring memories of their friendship over, and it actually manages to work.

Applejack's back! Shame she's a celery addict again.

So Twilight runs all over Ponyville doing this to all her friends. First she reconverts Fluttershy, then Rarity, and finally Pinkie Pie. The five of them start searching for Rainbow Dash, who they finally find is up laying on a cloud, believing the cloud is Cloudsdale. Since Rainbow Dash won't come down on her own, and Twilight doesn't have her wings yet, the five have to force her down to get her to change back by using a hot air balloon and Fluttershy. Unfortunately, Fluttershy sucks jack shit at holding ponies down against their will, so Dashie dashes out of there, commencing a high-speed pursuit in the sky. Rainbow Dash plays a circle game with them, which allows Applejack to lasso a rope around Rainbow Dash. Unfortunately, Pinkie Pie didn't secure that rope, and it drags both her and Rarity outside of the hot air balloon hanging off of Rainbow Dash's ass, slowing her down. Motivated by not letting Discord win, Fluttershy flies faster, allowing Applejack to get one last grip on Rainbow Dash and bring her where Twilight can convert her back to Christianity normal.

Ah. My mistake. This is the beginning of a really bad porno.

With the elephants back in their possession, and her friends back to normal, they decide to face Discord once and for all. In this part of the scene, Discord drinks a glass of chocolate milk, throws the chocolate milk behind him, and it explodes. I fucking LOVE this premiere. Anyways, Twilight and Discord have a little scurry over possession of her friends before Discord lets the ponies "do their worst". Unfortunately, this flaw in Discord's master plan leads him to underestimate the ponies, as they band together and use their Elephants of Harmony to turn Discord back to stone.

I am sad. I wanted Discord to be the ruler of Equestria. Fuck the elements of harmony!

Finally, the ponies go to a ceremony which is a

The Beginning.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If I haven't mentioned it yet, I LOVE THIS PREMIERE.

I mean, just outside of the perfect pacing and all that boring shit, the comedy of this premiere works on every level! As a said last episode, Discord is the ultimate villain, and though he underestimated his opponents in the end, fuck it, the other 35 minutes of his presence were absolute brilliance! Everything about this premiere is captivating and interesting, and unique for that matter. And it doesn't even try to hammer in any kind of "Friendship is Magic" religion shit like "The Cutie Map", it just uses it in one fly-by sentence which the episode even mocks by Discord's gag reaction! This episode is so fucking perfect I can't even. I can odd, but I can't even anymore thanks to this episode. I have to give part two in special particular a 10/10, making the whole premiere a straight 10/10! If the whole second season is as amazing as its premiere, I'm in for a fantastic time!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whew! Hell of a premiere eh?

...

Yeah!

...

So, I'm pretty stoked to continue the second season now given its epic premiere. And in interesting correlation -- the next Monday review comes on a pretty special day: February 29th. The day that 'comes 'round once every four years so that we can catch up with ourselves on a calendar schedule. Well, which episode has the privilege of being reviewed by me on this special occasion?

.................................................

...................................................

Oh, lord.