Recently on A Possession of Mine Which is Small and Resembles an Undersized Equine: The Relationship of a Person Whom is Acquainted and Contains a Mutual Bond With Results in the Occurrence of Supernatural Forces

 

The Best User on the MLP Forums: "This is it. The finale of season two."

 

Princess Cache: "Bitch?! What the HAAAIILL is this shit?! The HAAILL you think this is 'stablishment is? I's abou ta smackaya umpsidejahedd, nammmsayin?"

 

Princess Celestia: "Bitch, don't be such a fucktard."

 

The Greatest Organism on Planet Earth (cont.): "I swear, between this and Mare Do-Well, it's like some of the over-analytics in the fanbase don't go outside."

 

Whiny Cunt: "PrymeStriker!!! You fool! It's not Friday! You're supposed to wait until Friday to do reviewwwwss!!!"

 

Social Justice Warrior: "A more favorable outcome would be that this cis-gender male stop imposing on my identity. Off with his head!"

 

The Supreme Ruler of the Multiverse (cont.): "Bish plez. I don't have a head."

 

Audience: *GASP*

 

Sandy: "Oh yeah? Well how about this for a twist. I really AM in love with Chad!"

 

Audience: *LOUDER GASP*

 

Chad: "It's too late, Sandy. I've already gotten your sister PREGNANT, and we just had our FIRST CHILD"

 

Audience: *THE GASP OF TEN THOUSAND HOLY FUCKS*

 

The God of All Creation in the Pyraplexagon that is the Genesis of Really Important Shit PrymeStriker (tonc.): "Holy shit, that joke is seven months old. Way to bring it full circle."

 

Sandy: "How could you do this to me?"

 

Chad: "Like this!"

 

<<Chad and Sandy's sister start doing it in front of Sandy>>

 

PrymeStriker (tonc.a.trukkz): "Well.......let's see if the wonder continues next week."

 

 

 

 

 

CUE TITLE SEQUENCE!

 

(Here's the story / Of a Lovely Lady / Who was bringing up three very lovely girls / All of them had hair of gold / Like their mother / The youngest one in curls)

 

Spoilers ahead!

 

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I spent way too long writing that intro.

 

Anyways, yes, I know it's not Friday, but I figured I'd surprise y'all with a Thursday review to make up for the last two times I was late. That, and I'll be busy tomorrow, so better not to delay again. Moving swiftly forward...the second part of "A Canterlot Wedding"! This episode opens up with Twilight Sparkle in a dark cavern after being burned to holy ash by Princess Fakence. This fake Cadence's face start showing up on the walls to taunt Twilight, as she tells her she has "plans" for her brother. This pisses her off, so Twilight starts going apeshit until he runs into the "real" Cadence. She pleads with Twilight not to kill her or whatever, but Twilight isn't convinced until she starts doing the "sunshine, sunshine" sunshake which the faux bitch didn't recognize.

 

Little known fact: the "Sunshine, Sunshine" secret handshake has been able to decide court cases in Canterlot. That's some powerful shit.

 

What follows is the song "This Day Aria", which is clever beyond measure, both in animation and music, especially for using a deceptive cadence toward the end of the song. Get it? Deceptive Cadence? This was back when Daniel Ingram was a good composer. The song goes over Cadence and Twilight trying to escape their prison while Deceptive Cadence prepares to take Shining Armor's hoof in marriage. For what motives? I'm sure we'll find out soon enough, but my guess at this point is Shining Armor is the Rarity of Canterlot. As the ceremonies begin, Twilight and Cadence believe they've found their way out, but must make their way past Deceptive Cadence's old brainwashed bridesmaids. The resolve to overcome this hurdle? Wave a bouquet in front of them and throw it. You see that? That's hilarious. That's fucking hilarious. This finale just keeps getting better. After this, which is told in brief flashback, Twilight and Cadence arrive at the wedding to bring this shit to a grinding halt. At first, those who dissed Twilight in Part 1 are displeased with her presence, but once the real Cadence shows up, everyone shits their dresses. This is when Deceptive Cadence is forced to reveal her self as Queen Swiss Cheese!

 

My anatomy is impractical! FEAR ME!

 

Queen Chrysalis is the leader of the Changelings, a race of black ponies........yikes..........that take the form of someone you love and feed off of your love for them. Huh, normally that would sound as cheesy as their leader's design, but that's actually a good method to take over a kingdom. Granted you don't fuck it up, at least. My guess is the Changelings are about to get royally fucked, though. Chrysalis reveals how her plan's been working flawlessly having mind-controlled Shining Armor, and how she will take over the world or something, until Celestia decides to fight the bitch. She gets killed. The Age of the Changelings are soon to be upon us, and it seems like there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. It's up to Twilight and the Wu Tang Clan to find the Elements of Harmony and defeat the evil queen and her army of assholes! Unfortunately, before they can obtain the overpowered status quo reset-ers, the Changelings break through the bubblegum barrier of Canterlot and initiate their full scale assault. THOUSANDS of Changelings surround our main characters, each of them taking the form of one of the ponies as to confuse everyone. So, do the mane six run for their lives until they think of some spell that can fix everything?

 

...

 

Nope. They go Team Fortress 2 up in this bitch.

 

THIS IS THE GREATEST FUCKING FINALE OF ALL TIME

 

FIREBLASTS! BOOM, MICHAEL BAY, BITCH! UPPERCUT! PARTY CANNONS! NECK TWISTING! BLOODSHED ON THE DANCE FLOOOR! HEE-HEE! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

...

 

After the gushfest of kickassery that is the fight scene, the mane six successfully overcome the Changelings, but there's plenty more where that came from. It seems like even our heroes won't be able to pull through this time. Meanwhile, Celestia awakens to see that she's been encased in a Changeling...cocoon...or something, as a kidnapped Cadence and a useless Spike tell Chrysalis that their friends will save the day. That is, until their friends are captured by the Changelings and brought to Chrysalis. Huh, so they didn't get the Elements of Harmony, and actually failed? Holy shit, now I really wanna know what happens next. After a short reprise of "This Day Aria", which honestly, I don't think was necessary, Twilight frees Cadence in hopes that she can use her aforementioned love magic abilities to snap her husband-to-be out of Chrysalis' spell. It works, but it seems that even doing that won't change the current circumstances as the Age of the Changelings is in full effect. Her people roam freely and Shining Armor's power is too faint to be able to deflect them all. That is, until Cadence decides that their love will give them strength. Love? Wait.....wait....NO, their not.....

 

HOLY FUCK. HOLY LITERAL FUCK.

 

COME ON, GUYS, THIS A KIDS SHOW!!!! BESIDES, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL THE HONEYMOON!

 

Alas, their ultra-BDSM is effective, and it strengthen's Shining Armor's confidence power enough to repel all of the Changelings! And just like that, Canterlot is saved. Normally I'd reject a "love will prevail" resolve, but there's enough established logic as well as enough trial and error preceding this event to warrant this resolution. At the same time, it's not the most amazing resolution, but screw it, it's fucking wedding time, bitch. We revisit the mane six's plans from Part 1, but this time with the real, more approving Cadence checking over everything, from Applejack's food to Rarity's dresses and Pinkie Pie's parades, capped off with Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom. In the end, Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are bonded in holy matrimony, and get jiggy both on the dance floor and later in the bedroom. Although, they clearly had no problem displaying their jiggy for the world to see earlier, but we'll let it slide since their sex saved the city. Finally, "Love Is In Bloom" plays, and Vinyl Scratch finally takes off her glasses.

 

Bronies. The only fandom to shit themselves when a background character takes off their glasses.

 

Spike brings up his plans for the bachelor party, which is also hilarious, and so concludes "A Canterlot Wedding".

 

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10/10.

 

What else is there to say? This finale is just epic. Definitely as good as I remember. Not only was the first part immersive for Twilight's trial, but the second part is just once big orgasmic payoff. From "This Day Aria" to the kickass fighting sequence, to the prevalence of Cadence and the bond of Shining Armor and Twilight, not to mention the incredibly fun epilogue, this episode is one smile after a bigger one. I have to give this finale props for not relying on the Elements of Harmony for the solution. I don't really have a big problem with them, but I could've seen that getting kind of old if they'd just fallen back on that. Luckily, that wasn't the case, so that's something noteworthy. Otherwise, I think "A Canterlot Wedding (Part 2)" just speaks for itself, and combined with the awesomeness of Part 1, "A Canterlot Wedding" overall achieves a solid 10/10 average. This is the best finale I've reviewed so far.

 

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Ah, now here's the fun part. We're finally done with season two, which means I get to make an overall assessment of the entire season. Here goes nothing!:

 

01. The Return of Harmony, Part 1 10/10
02. The Return of Harmony, Part 2 10/10
03. Lesson Zero 8/10
04. Luna Eclipsed 10/10
05. Sisterhooves Social 10/10
06. The Cutie Pox 7/10
07. May the Best Pet Win! 8/10
08. The Mysterious Mare Do-Well 9/10
09. Sweet and Elite 8/10
10. Secret of My Excess 4/10
11. Hearth's Warming Eve 5/10
12. Family Appreciation Day 8/10
13. Baby Cakes 9/10
14. The Last Roundup 6/10
15. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 8/10
16. Read It and Weep 9/10
17. Hearts and Hooves Day 10/10
18. A Friend in Deed 10/10
19. Putting Your Hoof Down 10/10
20. It's About Time 8/10
21. Dragon Quest 5/10
22. Hurricane Fluttershy 10/10
23. Ponyville Confidential 8/10
24. MMMystery on the Friendship Express 2/10
25. A Canterlot Wedding (Part 1) 10/10
26. A Canterlot Wedding (Part 2) 10/10

 

Therefore, my overall rating for season two of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is:

 

8.2/10
Best episode: "Luna Eclipsed"
Worst episode: "MMMystery on the Friendship Express"

 

Overall, this season was a vast improvement over the first one. Almost a full grade above season one, season two has some of the highest highlights of the series. Both the premiere and the finale are incredible, and there's plenty of amazing stuff to choose from in-between. "Luna Eclipsed", "Sisterhooves Social", "A Friend in Deed", and "Hurricane Fluttershy" are some of my favorites that are also universally approved, while I still stand by the more controversial "Putting Your Hoof Down" and "Hearts and Hooves Day" as being noteworthy excellence as well. On top of that, the season is very rarely tainted with mediocrity, with only "The Cutie Pox" and "The Last Roundup" tainting that special "meh" place.

 

There are, however, some noteworthy lows. "MMMystery on the Friendship Express" is a terrible piece of shit, and both "Secret of My Excess" and "Dragon Quest" are humiliating additions to the lineup. "Hearths Warming Eve" is also a royal toot and a snore, making me glad I didn't have to review every out-of-character moment and slogging scene, instead luckily getting to use it as my April Fools entry. Regardless, the high points of season two I think outshine their low points since they are so few. This season has reminded me what a good show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was. It unfortunately has also reminded me that there will be very few instances of it getting any better from here, but that suffrage is for another time. Today is a day of celebration and congratulations to season two for being such a damn good set of episodes.

 

With that said, I'll see you all next Friday, where we will finally delve into the third season with the two-part premiere, "The Crystal Empire". Will it continue the greatness of season two, or will it showcase the beginning of the end? Find out when we revisit...

 

My Little Pony....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

is......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a waste of time, money, and splooge.