When the bad seeds are planted.......and you dare shed a tear.......that's when you know the end will be near..................

 

 

 

YOU WILL PERISH IN FLAMES! ALL HAIL SATAN, LORD OF DARKNESS! BALRRLARLARHG!

 

 

 

.....

 

Dad? What are you doing writing shit on my review column?

 

 

 

YOUR MOM WON'T GIVE ME HEA...

 

IIIII don't want to know. Just get out.........and stop using my Hell Transporter. I don't want your "evidence" in the battery compartment.

 

...

 

So, it's come to this, has it? The "bad seeds" are being planted, and the end is near? Figures....something always has to go wrong with the show, and it ends up fucking me in the nose. Well, let's make the bitter disintegration of the series short and sweet. This is..........*sigh*....."One Bad Apple". Spoilers ahead.

 

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So this episode opens up with an out-of-tune piano playing along to an off-beat tambourine as Apple Bloom decides what she's going to wear to greet her cousin from Manehattan. However, when Applejack neglects to mention her cousins' lack of a cutie mark, Apple Bloom says "fuck that shit" and gathers Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Fantastic start.............someone sodomize me. After the title sequence sodomizes me, we cut to the train station where the CMC patiently await their new recruit. I wonder what the initiation rituals entail. Probably tube-tying and hose-snipping.......well, maybe that's just the initiation process for getting into the lava pool in Happytown, but I digress. That's when the all-glorious cousin shows up; Babs Seed. The CMC attack immediately.

 

We implore you to participate in one of our twelve blood orgies tonight!

 

So the CMC take Babs Seed back to the torture chamber the clubhouse to show her all the great things they can do. They can eat lunch....err......do rollcall....and stand on a target on the floor to think of great ideas.......................huh, that last one made me chuckle. Did this shit episode almost make me laugh? FFFFFFuck. All-in-all, Babs Seed is unimpressed, so the CMC decide she can participate in the mangling of the Clonie Pie corpses ride with them in their parade float, which actually does impress her to some extent. However, Babs Seed appears to be holding back due to her own insecurities about her own lack of a cutie mark. I'm not sure I follow Babs' logic, though. She's insecure about her lack of a cutie mark....around people who also lack cutie marks. Wouldn't you feel more comfortable around those motherfuckers, and not the.........

 

......oh shit.

 

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK

 

Quick, someone superglue knives to a dodgeball and throw it at me! Please, I'm begging you! Anything would be more pleasurable than enduring these two!

 

...

 

You're not gonna do it, are you? Fuck you guys.

 

*sigh*....Anyways, after Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon make fun of the CMC and their float, Babs Seed is faced with a choice...stick by her cousin and her friends that she just met, or join the popular crowd. She chooses the latter, and....okay, I can understand Babs' decision here, but why is Diamond Tiara welcoming her? Hasn't she proven time and time again her resentment for "blank flanks"? Why is Babs the exception? Logic, let's use it once in a blue moon. Subsequently, Babs Seed destroys the CMC's stupid float and pigeon-holds Apple Bloom in a cage as to not tell Applejack what's going on in fear of being a "snitch". Well, this is actually a point of criticism I've heard from some others before, but I'm letting this slide because I know kids use this as a blackmail and it usually works, no matter how stupid it is. So, in order to keep all their bases covered, the CMC decide to avoid Babs like the plague. However, as an....oddly decent musical number ensues.........we learn that this is a bit of an issue.

 

I would love to learn the logic behind this hallway.

 

Wait, Scootaloo got a legitimately good singing voice and took part of the lead on this one? Interesting. This pissed me off eons ago, but given that I'm more familiar with how songs are treated in the show....I actually kind of like her lines. Moving on, Babs Seed has gone so far as to have even taken over the CMC's clubhouse, in which the three protest until they see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in on the takeover. I'd be more concerned about Babs finding Apple Bloom's "Happy Bloomer" stash, but we'll save that for an editorial. This is essentially the breaking point for the CMC, and they finally decide to fight fire with fire extinguisher. They're going to embarrass her at the parade! Now, me personally, my methods of leveling the playing field include a pair of tweezers, some rope, a flathead screwdriver, and chloroform, but I suppose they're not advanced enough for that. Overnight, they plot their revenge.

 

Five sheets of rolling paper, two backpacks, and golden cocaine? This seems less like a revenge plot and more like a typical Saturday night.

 

The method: make the float look so good and so intricate that Babs would want to take it over, and then they'll fuck her from there by sending the float into a pit of mud. Not bad, not bad, but there are a few holes in the plan. What if she just destroys the float like she did last time? Also, what's stopping Rainbow Dash from making mudplay porn out of it? These are the questions you need to ask at the altar, my friends. The next morning, the plan is a-go, and everything seems successful thus far. However, once Applejack offhandedly explains the bullying Babs has been undertaking back in Manehattan to the CMC, they suddenly feel really bad about this whole thing. I guess they're just suckers for a sob story, if this and "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" is any indication. They immediately attempt to stop their plan in order to spare Babs, you know, after all the bullshit she put them through, and chaos ensues. However, just when the float's about to crash, the CMC save Seed and soil themselves instead.

 

Rainbow Dash and Cheerilee are going to have a field day with this.

 

Back home, as the threesome are bathing, Apple Bloom explains their plans of revenge to Babs. That's a fantastic sentence taken out of context. The CMC explain they were becoming the bullies instead...which....ugh....this is really kind of jumbled up. Despite the problems Babs was causing for them, they realized they shouldn't stoop to her level only after her sob story has been told. It might work in the grand scheme of things, but in the finer details, something about all this seems kind of makeshift to phone in the moral. What transpires after the mopey apologies, however, is a

that almost makes up for it. In the end, Babs promises to talk to her big sister about the bullying at home as well as start a Manehattan branch of the CMC. Oh, God....they multiply. But not before Babs tells Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon to go find venus fly traps willing to have sex with them by threatening to tell their mommies. Then everyone's friends and shit.

 

The ninth blood orgy was the best part of the trip!

 

And so concludes "One Bad Apple"

 

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....Huh.

 

That....wasn't as bad as I remember.

 

Bear in mind, I hated this episode back when it first aired. I thought it was cliché as fuck, forced its moral, confused its characters, and was overall poorly put together. However, after watching it today...it's not really that shitty. Sure, it's moral is still kind of forced and the underlying plotlines are kind of tangled, but I wasn't that angry with what the episode did wrong because there was still quite a bit to enjoy in this episode. For instance, the initiation ceremony at the end, as well as Pinkie Pie's entire two minutes of screentime and some of the earlier jokes at the clubhouse, which were all thoroughly entertaining. On top of that, there's a fairly decent song in this episode as well. So, maybe I over-anticipated this episode being one of the worst things ever. Ultimately, I'll give "One Bad Apple" a 7/10 for good measure, but it certainly hovers around that area rather than "Bridle Gossip" levels of low.

 

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So...this isn't the beginning of the end? There's....still hope for the series at this point in the show?

 

....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, fuck me, then! Who the shit wrote that "end will be near" rhyme on my monitor, then?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*opens closet door*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...WHAT?!

 

You people have been hiding in my closet this whole time?!

 

 

 

 

 

....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But.....I reviewed Dragon Quest TWO MONTHS AGO! How the fuck have you all been survivi-

 

Oh, right...I have dead bodies in my closet................YOU ATE MY DEAD BODIES?!

 

I WAS GONNA USE THOSE!

 

 

 

Get out! The lot of yah! Go eat someone else's closet bodies!

 

 

 

*sigh*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just when you think you've got the universe figured out, something like this happens. It's always something.