During the past week, I had the honor of washing the car for money. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but that day was different. Between the writing competition and my daily routine of snorting four "shaft-long" Wonka Pixy-Stixs, I wasn't going to let this opportunity down. What was I going to buy? A Steam Card, of course! Counter-Strike: Global Offensive was on sale for 33% off! That's a whole 5 dollars off! By golly! I wasn't going to miss that for the world! So I bought CS:GO for the first time and waited seven whole days to play it. Why? Because I still don't have a computer and I was stuck waiting in line for the household "desktop" (if you could even call it one) filled with 266 GBs (not joking) of family memobilia and the occasional Spider Solitaire save file to become available.

So after four years, I finally experienced CS:GO. What do I think of it? Here, I'll let Russian Kids ".." and "-x-" sum it up for me.

To be honest, I didn't think the rumors would be true; but boy was I wrong. Every single lobby you enter is filled to the brim with foul mouthed Russian kids hogging and slurping up the microphones. No, I didn't get screamed at directly, but I was called a "cyka", so I'll consider that a promotion toward "edgy"

Oh, and yes, there are cheaters. A LOT OF THEM. My very first match (in Dust 2. Was there any doubt?) had one hacker jumping around the map with a Desert Eagle headshotting everyone on his radar. My first reaction was, "Oh wow! This must be some elite player!"

Now, as I'm writing this, I've played about 6 hours of CS:GO. In that time, I could've washed my mom's car twenty times over. Unfortunately, I was stuck playing the same two maps over and over again (Dust 2 and Mirage). Seriously, what is it with desert maps? Is it the character models? Why? WHY? WHY?

Eventually, I discovered the other modes. They're pretty cool and I'm not as bad with them as the "'Casual' Russian Invasion" mode. Though, I'm pretty sure that's only because I remember playing on "Baggage" back in 2013 for Minecraft 1.5 (Shotbow Network, I believe).

So in short, CS:GO is pretty addictive. I've neglected my chores and resorted to playing video games all day. Stage One of "Skin Insanity" complete. If you like being screamed at by russian kids, this game is for you.

Oh, and I want those gloves. They look cool.

-RealityPublishing

Discord: https://discord.gg/6fNjXFq

[source to the "kys myself" joke]