There's something else about me I feel I have to bring up to you lot. Which I only do so in the knowledge that I'll more than likely never meet any of you, and in the rare case that I do, you would have likely forgotten about this blog by then.

  I find that one of the most important things is to have a definition of yourself, a sort of hole to peg yourself into. Because when you know what you are, how you tend to react to things, both good & bad sides of you then you can come to terms with yourself & start accepting and hopefully loving yourself for it.

  I feel I need to come out of the closet about this.

   ...

     ...I'm a Tsundere.

 And a male tsundere at that! A rare breed, I must say! Hoh~*

    It's just... well, if your not the sort to know what that term means... and how could you not, I would think most of everyone on these Internets is a hopeless nerd in some fashion. Don't go looking for examples of what a Tsundere is! Yes. By all means, I am saying that you should take my definition of the term and only my definition!

  Because everyone else's is just stupid!

   Eh... I GUESS I'll tell you what popular culture THINKS is a Tsundere. If I have to... If only to show you where everyone else goes wrong with it.

   A Tsundere is a personality trope. A character archetype, most common in Anime... japanese animation, basically. It seems the common misconception is that a Tsundere is somebody who doesn't warm up to others fast. Someone who starts out openly hostile because of their somehow "cute" awkwardness means they berate or even physically abuse those who they want to get closer to. Because, why yes, that makes perfect sense that a character treat someone they see as a romantic possibility by constantly nagging & berating every single detail they get wrong and even grabbing them by the neck to ram their face into the nearest hard surface or even drop-kicking them like a hackysack! Do all you anime fans know what happens in REAL LIFE when you constantly antagonize, berate, abuse and intentionally scold those you wish to love? You wind up pushing everyone else away and dying alone! And deserving it!

  No sane person would ever treat someone they want to keep around with disdain!

   ...well... unless you simply don't know any other way & have some deep-seated issues.

   That's what a tsundere does. They start off from a place of hatred. Because that's what they work with. They've seen or been the target of hatred before, know others are fully capable of meeting them with just as much and therefore start off distrusting & judgemental of others. But that's not the farthest the rabbit hole goes down. Intrinsically, because a tsundere judges so much, they feel like they don't deserve to be met with genuine, positive emotions like Love that doesn't come from ulterior motives, like sex or otherwise taking advantage of them. So yes, a Tsundere is someone who hates themselves, yet holds a double, contradicting standard to pretty much everything around them. So yes, pretty much scum of the earth. Bipolar could be one way of describing it. But that term gets bandied around far too much. How many times have I heard somebody complain that "Oh, she's just being bipolar!" Tch, like that excuses abusing others...  And yes, that basically means that anime is getting off with making fun of a mental issue in their shows because "Oh, har-har! She's being mean to some pervy guy! That's unexpected!!"

   You... you don't abuse people if you don't want to be alone... but... some people can't stop themselves. Think we all know some people like that. Like some jerkhole in the grocery store parking lot that looses his cool for whatever reason. The sad part is that Anime-Tsundere isn't too far off from real life in that regard. Though, oh, I don't know, I like to think most are aware that swatting people, punching them flat to the ground, tail-whipping them into walls, or otherwise drawing blood would...oh, I dunno... GET YOU ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER IN REAL LIFE!!!

    Some just can't help themselves. It's in human nature after all to judge, even if opinions are as changeable as any other whims or decisions. I'm a nitpicker myself, you show me some of your work, and before I can stop myself I can spew out several dozen other things you could change or how this relates to that part of it or whatever. The popular view of what a tsundere is is that all the abuse, all the intentional efforts to keep you away somehow makes the fact that they're softer & more vulnerable inside all that much more attractive. But that's idolizing dysfunction. That doesn't make the harsh words once said go away.

  We all put up our walls I suppose. Just mine are so heavy that I can not only feel them but practically name them. I know, that in text here I may sound more open or perpetually giddy or erstwhile jocular, but that's because in real life... I don't really talk much. Well, short of embarrassed rambling when I don't know what I'm on about. Sure, get me on a topic I know something about & I can be excited, but I will pretty much refuse any attempts to befriend me in real life, since its so impossible for me to accept that you'd actually want to be around me.

  That's what being a Tsundere is really about. We don't abuse you, we just poke you with a ten-foot-pole and sneer as we scoot you away to a suitable distance. You're stressing me out & offending me just by standing in front of me, so go away already! ...but I'm also scared, lonely & incredibly afraid so... please don't leave me... I don't need you to tell me what to do! I already harp on myself constantly about everything! I don't care about you!...but I do want you to care about me... since I can't do it for myself...

  I find that amusing too. The ever-famous tsundere line of "Baka" translates to "Stupid." Yet somehow it's not quite as endearing if I just say that you're stupid repeatedly! Almost as if y'all are more attracted to the concept rather than the actual person who has high standards that you have to work though! A tsundere isn't about being abusive, it's not just about being hyper-critical... it's about being hyper-defensive. It's about fully expecting everyone you meet out on the street to greet you with a punch in the face... then getting offended when they don't meet up with your violent norm. I like to think that a major part of being a tsundere is adding a qualifier to pretty much everything you say & do... of happiness just not being a natural state for you. ...though it's not like I'm telling you all this for any reason. Not like knowing me any better is gonna help either of us. ...and no... there's no particular reason I'm using this color text for any reason. Well... maybe... but I don't gotta hold your hand for this!

       I pout so easily though tightened lips that It's no doubt my go-to expression. Sometimes I can just feel a healthy Baka welling up in my throat, even if I'm not the slightest bit japanese myself.

  I'm no Japanese Schoolgirl, but I'm still quite convinced that I can be "ruined for marriage." I'm no violent type, I've never risen a hand in anger for anything bigger than a bug... but... if you were to...theoretically  walk in on me changing... you'll be deserving blows from every hard object I can get my hands on!

    I just feel it's important to know what you can call yourself. While... uh, sure, maybe I would like to strike up a relationship, given the chance... It's not like I started this blog so you could give me attention or anything! It's not like I'm desperate or anything! Sure, if you're some short-minded idiot who gets some sort of simple amusement outta some shmuck like me typing for little to no reason, you go ahead! Far be it from me to stop you from being a dummy, dummy!

  "Brohooves", "Likes" Pssht! Such shallow, unimportant buttons that don't even mean anything! ...but do leave a comment. It's not like I don't want to talk to you or anything! Even if its clear it won't mean anything. Like, I mean... do what you want or whatever, I gotta tell you what to do?

  ...No! I'm not playing this up! I talk like this all the time! What, you think I'm some trained monkey for you? Some kinda clown or somethin'? Maybe I want to do this of my own accord, you know! Don't think you know me! I don't know me! I'm a unique & special snowflake! I'm not some cog in your machine!!

      *devolves into frantic, unintelligible gesturing*