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Lord Of The Dragon Council



For those of you here for a Spike fanfic, I am sorry to disappoint.

Last night, as I sat at my computer and... uhm, computed... I was distracted by the sight of my childrens' sleeping bag, its shape swollen and wriggling, scooting its' way down the hall, headed right for me.  A small blond head poked out, and a different voice from inside the mound said, "No!  Which wayyyyyy!?", followed by the head looking right at me and the blond saying, "He's over here; c'mon!", and the mass of cloth and children slouching toward me.

At this point, allow me to explain simply that my children are 10 and 12.

The bloated camping bed stopped before me, and a voice from within called out to me, addressing me as the "Head of the Dragon Council", and presenting their issue.  Apparently, according to the blond one (the 10 year old girl), the dragon body that she was sharing with her brother (the sleeping bag) had become absolutely foul, due to the boy's supposed "HUGE farts" - and the offended party wanted retribution from the Dragon Council on this matter.

At this point, the other child poked HIS head out and informed me that they had chosen "Dragon Names" for my wife and I (at the time, my wife was at work), and that they were to be our titles for being the heads of this ubiquitous Dragon Council.  I was told by the boy that they had, quote, "respectfully decided" on the Dragon name of FartBreath for me... and PoopHead for their mother.

How regal.

And so, to recap, the two-headed dragon/sleeping bag had crawled down the hall to me, wherein the girl-dragon head demanded justice from Lord FartBreath of the Dragon Council for having to suffer the presence of the boy-dragon's brutal flatulence.  I was speechless, honestly - it took me so very much by surprise that I said nothing; I merely laughed and shook my head, returning to the screen from where I had been roused from.  To this, they simply laughed loudly and crawled their way back to their room.

But of course, the Council HAD to take action.

I waited for about three minutes, then I slowly crept down the hallway to the outside of the door leading to my erstwhile children, still amidst the joys of make-believe and complete in their total innocence.  I c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y slid my hand onto the doorknob and, silent as a mouse fart, I turned the handle until the mechanism holding it shut was clear.  I then proceeded to await the right moment...

It came when the two of them, still playing, had gotten into a (fake) argument, and the boy said, aloud, "... and there is NO ONE who can defeat meeeeee!"

Picture it:

Suddenly, the door FLIES open, and I burst into the room and yell, in a gravelly voice:


... and proceeded to tickle the living HELL out of my son.  He was the target because of the earlier request, you see; the Dragon Council sometimes takes a moment to respond... but oh, the response was WELL worth the wait.

The boy almost seemed to instantly dissolve into a writhing, giggling ball of putty, while the girl screamed in fear - which quickly became loud, bright laughter.  It all ended with the three of us in a happy, laughing pile on the floor.  So many times, I hear folks ask me if being a father is worth all the worry, stress, pain and suffering you can go through...

In my experience, it is COMPLETELY worthwhile; moments like these are things I'll cherish for as long as the Save Game battery in my noggin lasts.

So says Lord FartBreath of the Dragon Council.


  • Brohoof 3


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