...We've all got to let go at some point, right?

Lately it feels like I'm just repeating the same things, the same frustration that hasn't faded, the same resentment that won't go away. And I think I've finally figured it out. For years of my life, I've resorted to having a hard outer shell and being mad as a wall because I didn't want to let people in or let my emotions out. Well I'm going to say something, and any males reading this especially, listen up: It's okay to be emotional. It's okay to cry, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Bottling emotions up is a storm waiting to break out and make your personal forecast dark and rainy. I've been sitting here trying to write this and not knowing how to go about it, and this is the best way I could think of. I've built up a wall over the years after each heartbreak, each event that tore me apart as a defense because I had nothing left. Just a permanent shroud of anger and resentment. That's no way to live, and I've begun to see a lot of my resentment and anger as a problem caused by me dwelling on the past too long.

The thing is, at this point there's no more anger or resentment or sadness I can use as fuel. There's not much left except the facade I put on that I'm getting sick off, and I finally let it fall one day when I told my friends the truth. I'm done hiding it. We all have scars, whether physical or emotional. For once, instead of the walls closing in on me, it feels as if I've been given a minute to rest and I've been pushing back the enclosing borders since. That night that I let my guard fall down and trusted my friends to not judge me, I put on a sad song and cried it all out. I'm not going to let these scars define me. I am not my anger, my sadness, my resentment. I am the change, I am a better person, I learned lessons, fell onto the ground with no one to help me back up sometimes, and I got up and kept going. And to keep these feelings gone so they no longer haunt me, I'm letting go. No more dwelling on the past, no more building up walls. Instead, I'm breaking them down and learning how to love my friends and trying to believe in love again after my first relationship ended terribly. I'm learning to not let sadness control me, and learning to let go of anger and be happy and full of love like I once was.

To my best friend who didn't see the light in life anymore: I miss you, I wish there was something I could've done to change things.

To my ex who tore me down: Thank you for teaching me the importance of taking care of and being honest with myself and teaching me what love really is. I'm not angry anymore, while I may be bitter some days, I will choose to remember the lessons I learned.

To the fake ones at school, the ones who tear others down instead of building them up: Thank you for teaching me to value my true friends, and that not everyone is going to be a true friend, and that it's no use trying to be liked by those who will never like you.

At the end of the day, I made it out of everything that was tearing me down. Even those who have been hurt deeply by something happening or someone, I believe that you will heal in time. Everything changes, nothing stays the same. You are not your past, don't let it define you. In time, these things will all fade and you'll be an even better person and you'll have learned and I know you'll be more happy than ever in the future. I believe in all of you <3

-DuskSong