I've been through more than I would say the average kid around my area has. Family issues I can't really talk about or go too indepth about, heartbreak, loss, being completely alone, missing out on your younger years, etc. I'm 16. I know, I'm still young, but damn, I matured a lot in 2017 and learned some big lessons. You could ask me to look in a mirror and see my year-old reflection in a mirror, and I wouldn't recognize the dude. It's funny, I actually saw a picture of me from 2016 when I was going to clean out an old Skype account- and I didn't see me in it. What I saw was a naive, quick to trust and love kid who just wanted validation. A lot changes in 2 years around these ages. Especially when those around you finally reveal their true colors and some may change for the worse, and some for the better. It was my luck that I'd lose just about everyone because they grew into a different type and social group than I. Maybe that's why I was so vulnerable to a manipulative partner back then. I've hated my differences my whole life. I wished I could just fit in. I didn't belong to a crowd. None of them got me and I didn't get them. It wasn't until lately that I realized that I don't necessarily need to fit in. I can be my own person. Through this, I also started to become more expressive with my clothing, hair, and other things. I stopped caring about fitting in and stopped worrying about what others think. If they have a problem, it's not me who should change for them, they should learn to not be judgemental. I don't try to stand out anymore, either. I no longer do or say stupid things to get laughs, because I am more than that. I'm likeable past my pretty bad humor. I'm trying not to sound cocky here, but self-worth is important. No one is worthless, everyone has a worth, and you are more than what you are judged for. I've found peace in my quirks, and shut out the world when they laugh. Pursuing happiness is more important than the thoughts of others. Nothing should get in the way of you and your personal happiness. I've picked up hobbies that are seen as weird or not cool, the thing is that I don't care. Other people are pretty low if they have to bring you down to make themselves feel better.

Of course, when I was younger, my family issues made it hard for me to form good friendships with people. I was the antisocial, strange kid in the back of the class who only got along with other antisocial kids. I sucked at sports and physical fitness, but I was excelling at language arts and other subjects. Most kids were very sporty, so I was a bit of an outcast. I learned how to be okay in my own company. It got lonely sometimes, and that's where music came in. Music has been my rock since day one. Something to relate to, lay down and cry to. Something that would make me feel less alone in a world that I felt left me behind. Since I didn't have many friends in real life, my online life became my only life. I met some amazing friends who since last year, I have abandoned due to their actions or choices. They made me feel welcome and made me feel like I had a supportive group to go to when I had no one. In 2013, I lost my best online friend to depression, which some of you know. The issues I was already struggling with got worse after that. I still have bad episodes of my anxiety but thankfully I usually have distractions around me to silence the thoughts that will come swirling back in when the silence returns and I'm left alone to think.

I have only known true support and friendship since the beginning of my 10th grade year, and it's still a new concept to me. The friends I've associated myself with this year push me to do better, and they want to see me happy, and I want to see them happy. We bring each other up, and can talk about serious topics together. I wouldn't trade them for anything. They gave me support at a time where I really needed it. I've been allowing myself time to sort through all of my emotions lately, and recovering from the past events that I had yet to come to terms with and accept that they happened and I cannot change them. Life is finally turning around for me, with fulfilling friendships, good grades, hobbies and passions that I love, and a girl that I plan to ask out, which I never expected it to happen. I never thought someone would actually ever love me, and today proved me wrong.

When I'm walking along that burning sky as the sun goes down and the dark hues fill the atmosphere, I'll smile.

Hearts can heal, and life will get better.