Good day my fellow people, today I was just thinking about some stuff that happened today, I been building a proyect about sci fi and surreal worlds and such, and I always loved to see youtube videos and music, and today I scrolled about documentaries, and you know the cycle, you find related videos and with every related videos you step away from the videos you are used to see, and I founded a couple of videos that, am not going to say what were those about, but made me lose a lot of hope and technically ruined my day and it gave me a punch of reality about how is the world nowadays, I been told you have to live with it, this is the real world and you have to learn to live with that, if you dont face the world, the world will face you.

While my life is not terrible or bad, I did had some experiences on the streets and I decided to live in a shell, a safe spot, a world with my characters, my rules my everything. Don't get me wrong, I am the most selfless person you can ever imagine, I develop my characters and my worlds without me as a character, something I will mention later. I been seeing people reacting to comments from "normal people" who likes to mess with people with low social skills, people saying "oh you are living in your own bubble" "you need to get laid" "That's not how the real world works" "your character don't exist" etc etc, And so I say if I don't want to face the world and live in my fantasy world, am I someone bad? Does it make me someone worthy of the people hate?

This is not new to me, in school I used to make drawings and write stories about my characters and I been through bully for that, because people couldnt concieve that some people simply dont like to be around others and because of that I was rejected from groups of friends, I was a freak for them. I really want to understand what's the phyche of those who mocks those who cannot defend themselves.. I mean do they want to help to make one tough? Do they feel low self steemed that they only feel good and superior taking advantage of others? I don't know really...

And, am not a bad person or someone with intentions to hurt anybody, I just want to build a world for my characters, these characters see me as Atlas, not as a god but as someone who is simply carrying their world on my back, not as king but as a worker helping them with their existance. I just don't want to face the real world because the real world is cruel, even without crimes which is another factor, but society is cruel, forcing you to adapt to its standards and only IF it decided to accept you, if you got rejected despite wanting to belong to society, act normal, try to make friends a love one you end up as a lolcow, an object of entertainment for those who are succesful members of society. 

There was a time that I feared to be cancelled for expressing my ideas but I realized... am going to be cancelled anyways no matter what I do, if I am right or left one of the sides is going to reject me so I dediced not to be either right nor left just... be myself someone who just want to dedicate to myself, what do I think about racism? What do I think about inclusion? I couldn't care less, all I care are my world which is not earth and my characters who are not human. And don't get me wrong am not selfish or arrogant only thinking about myself, I do care to help others as much as I can, am not perfect though, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life that I deeply regret but I want to help people, mostly myself. I consider myself the exact oposite of a psychopath, while they feel pleasure hurting others, I feel pleasure and joy seeing others happy because of me.

I also don't want to be seen as a hikikomori, I do work, pay taxes and support my family but I been told, you cannot be locked up forever, you have to go out, meet friends, have some party and have a good time... then I realize that being introvert is indeed a thing. Saying you need to go out, meet friends and such to me is like saying a vegan that they need meat in their diet simply because you cannot concieve someone not eating meat. So introverted is indeed a thing and has to be taken more into consideration, you got left handed and right handed, you got vegans and carnivores, you have gays and straights (and all its variants) and you got extroverted and introverted. 

My parents have felt worried that I will end up alone, no friends, no family just all by myself but... why is that a bad thing? I always enjoy my privacy and being lonely because my mind fulfills me, something I like to do is just lay on the bed with a smile just thinking about my characters and their adventures and write everything down, thats why am insisting to make something anything to make good use of my stories, I don't plan to change the world or send a message, I just want to make public my worlds and... who knows? maybe someone is interested, maybe I can inspire others or maybe it may get lost in time and becamse a future lost media, who knows? All I want is to make it public.

The other day I saw the life of some japanese people and how they preassure of job and social life force them to dedicate completly to anime and the internet and to be honest I couldn't felt more identified. Is a world that they dedicate to themselves, only my case I dedicate it to my own creations. I don't think is bad to live in a fantasy, I personally feel that as long as I help others, support my family, I contribute with my job and simply be kind I don't think is wrong to dedicate to my own fantasy once all my obligations are done succesfully but I don't know I don't consider myself an expert or someone you should learn, so what do you think?