The Unfortunate Dissonance Between Self Consciousness and an Individual's Ability to Percieve Human Emotion and Recognize Social Queues, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Friendship
Entry posted by Street Light in Ramblings
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I love big titles.
Hello everypony^~^ To me, a blog represents an amalgam of words and thoughts -- seldom explained, and rarely formatted. In the pursuit of enabling at least a modicum of readability, I shall endeavor to add both of those. Some of you may know me as Street Light. Others may also know me as Street Light. For the purpose of this blog, you may simply know me as Street Light. 
Now now, hold your applause, just throw money, or send brohooves. Or both. Or neither... however, if you waaanted to, it wouldn't be-
OKAY OKAY OKAY >w<
Without further adieu, I bring you...
MY LITTLE PONY: Friendship is [Sometimes] Magic
So! Some of you may be familiar with that title card, but for those of you who are out of the loop, this is a TV show about friendship, magic, and the relationship between them. Twilight Sparkle, who is arguably the mane (:3) character, has no friends. She's a recluse, and completely and utterly self-serving. She, in her pursuit of knowledge interred within her library and aided by her dragon "assistant", has to receive a royal order from the sole-seating monarch of Equestria in order to actually venture beyond her own self-interest. It takes her a while to actually understand the importance of equine (human) connections. The lessons she learns along the way shape both how she perceives herself, but also influences how she reacts to her environment. The company she keeps eventually leaps across generational bounds and is literally inscribed into legend.
The point is, Twilight Sparkle is a pony who had it all; at least in her own mind. And yet she only had so much more to gain by making friends. I think her initial attitude is something present in many of us, regardless of circumstance.
People, from my experience, tend to have a very limited context. They're born, go to school, get influenced by their parents, teachers, and classmates, graduate, go to work, and die :3 Not very glamorous when I put it like that, is it? Twilight Sparkle had that narrow context. Despite how worldly she believed herself, how studious she was, she never really bonded with someone who had an entirely separate set of circumstance. I mean, even her assistant had never known a life beyond her company. She was entirely unaware.
I feel like I'm going to develop a habit of saying this, but, The point is, she became who she... became... because she had friends. As other ponies on the forum have helpfully pointed out, she and her circle became close not only despite their differences, but perhaps because of them. This is that context I was talking about earlier. Sometimes we just kinda need it to develop as people. It broadens our world-view and enables us to see things from different angles or lights. And that context just comes from keeping an open mind.
But there are dangers to consider when keeping an open mind.
Some people, you will find, are less than benevolent. Not everyone can be an element or harmony, after all. And oftentimes that can lead to a destructive self-perception. The focus here is on how our self-perceptions, our self consciousness, shape how we interact with others and how we perceive their intentions -- how keen we are on making friends in the first place, how open we are to that kind of magic.
For a long period in my life, I struggled with self-perception. I was uncertain of my behaviors, was never truly confident, and doubted the motive for anyone wanting to be friends with me. Common courtesies that one would extend a fellow human became something with strings attached. There was always, in my mind, a preceding or proceeding motive. While this is... very far from the truth...! I believed it. Wholeheartedly. And I thought myself an enlightened individual for piercing through the veil. While I do not seek to shirk responsibility for that world-view, it did not develop on its own. This does not absolve me of responsibility for having it, of course, but it is certainly something that can develop in anyone -- at any time. It's always good to be safe when picking friends; after all, sometimes a friend that hurts us is harder to cope with than an enemy who hurts us. The perplexing reality, however, is that there's nuance. Fun word, let's experiment with it again.
Nuance.
People are nuanced. Someone who can show themselves to be an ally may only do so to benefit themselves. Someone who shows themselves as an enemy may turn into your best friend. (I sure do love those stories of enemies becoming lovers >w<)
ahem
The fear of this detachment of trust should not overpower the desire to anchor the trust in the first place. No matter how many times burned, there is never going to be a strong reason to shut yourself off from others. Greatness is nurtured by the efforts of many, not just one. A prodigy does not become world-renowned by their efforts alone. It is always a worthwhile endeavor to welcome allies into your heart, to offer friendship and companionship to strangers.
Beyond that fear, we all have insecurities. And for better or worse, those limit us. In how we interact with each other, how we interact with the world -- gosh, even how we interact with ourselves. It's such a burdensome thing... I tend to let it control me. Worries over how people see me. Worries over how certain gestures will be perceived. It's fickle!!! And entirely unnecessary >:3c
Before joining this forum, I decided myself that I would not allow myself to lurk in the margins of others. I wouldn't sit quietly by and let myself be third party to all you wonderful ponies. Not that there's anything wrong with it, or ponies who prefer to do that! I just decided, for myself, to reach out. To open up. For me it was a way of healing, and I can only voice my gratitude to all of you for welcoming here and helping me in all the small ways that you have. It has helped me find myself again. Or, at least, help me find the beginning of the path to it :3. The beginning to the start of the path. The tentative first steps to the beginning to the start of the path. The-
SORRY!!!
I ramble. And sometimes I let it happen. But The Point™ is that I feel as if I'm allowed to. Not necessarily safe to -- nopony is ever excempt from judgement -- but welcome to. Thank you, everyone, for the kind and prosperous community that has fostered here. I've seen efforts from many different people in order to foster a supportive and kind environment. Not even fully related to our shared interest, but just in the general attitude of being good natured. To me, that's rare. And so are you. Thank you.
Edited by Street Light
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