I have a vision of what I'd like to see, but what is the significance in putting forth the effort? What is the significance of a better world? Why fight for a future I may not even be able to be a part of?

By example or through force? The ladder is such an appealing option, but alas, my hopes are too strong for compromise.

And how can I change anything when I don't even have an ounce of influence on my own brother?

My hopes and dreams are constantly at war with the emotional despair of the rest of the world seeking nothing but instant self gratification, hoping for nothing more than a boost of pride to live out the rest of their lives in pleasure and feelings of superiority over their brothers and sisters. Oh so often I wish to give up this hope and dive in along with them, but I can not. I've discovered the bottom the rabbit hole, and though it torments me I can not go back.

What to do what to do. Give up and die or acknowledge the truth that I am but one human. One human that can only occasionally make a connection to one other person at a time. One human through whose tremendous efforts over a lifetime may only seldom influence another to hope to be better by hoping for the better.

I may die tomorrow, but I guess there is value in fighting for a future, at least I hope. To hope that living has more significance than nothing. To hope that there is something beyond this dreadful cage I've been deserted in. But I suppose I have no choice... I would rather die then give up this hope, and if I entered the next world and found out this hope had significance I don't know if I could face those who gave it to me.

So the question now is what to do with it, although It's not much of a question because I already know the answer. And the truth is I've always known it, I simply never wanted to acknowledge it - because working so hard to become the best version of myself despite knowing the efforts only truly trickle down to the people who are a part of me is a hard truth to swallow, more so perhaps when they are so few in number and the shadows of doubt hover over even them. I may have defeated pride in theory, but not in practice.

I am but one human being, changing the entirety of the world is beyond my scope. And in acknowledging this, I think I may have brought my giant hopes a small step closer to being fulfilled.

After all, even in Jesus' lifetime he had but twelve apostles.