Today I found out my sister has an eating disorder. It's hit me harder than I thought.

I came back to my dad's today after being in Japan for a week. About an hour after I got home my step mom asked me to go outside and talk to her. Usually these talks don't go well for me, I was getting frantic trying to think about what I could have done this time. But I couldn't think of anything they would care about (or at least know about) that I had done since probably middle school.

My step mom looked extremely concerned about something and she kept messing with a tangled ball of yarn, searching for the right words.

"Has Caley said anything to you about an eating disorder."

No, of course not. I don't pay attention to what she eats. I never sat with her at lunch at school, but then again I never ate anything for lunch myself. I tried to remember any hints towards this behavior. Nothing.

My step mom went on to explain that my sister had left her email open on my step mom's computer and she saw a response a girl had made to a question my sister posted on Yahoo Answers. My sister admitted on their to having an eating disorder for about a year now. This is something I never expected to affect my family. I've never been able to consider having an eating disorder because I love food and I'm not self-conscious about my body. Whenever I feel fat or like I ate too much I just go for a run, or eat something healthy for my next meal.

I feel bad because this has gone on for so long and no one has noticed. We live in the same house and the walls are thin. How did we not notice? Right now she doesn't know that my step mom and I know and no one is going to tell my dad any time soon.

She doesn't have a healthy lifestyle in the first place, but she does dance a lot. She's always been very conscious about weight, but my whole family has. She always makes comments about me being tiny, but I'm just a small person in general. I can understand why she feels pressured because of being a dancer and from being around me.

I feel very lost in this situation, I've only ever had one friend admit she had an eating disorder before but hers had been getting better. I want to help her and tell her that I know, but that will only make her mad. I think my step mom feels awful that it's been going on this long and she didn't know. Until she decides my sister needs professional help all I can think of to do is watch her eating habits and keep her in a positive mind-set.

Thus concludes this rather lengthy post.