Hey, folks, I'm Harmonic. I haven't told a lot of people for reasons that make sense to me but no one else, but I can cure cancer with my mind. I know, I know it sounds crazy, I could explain why but my ability to do so strangely disappeared immediately before writing this blog.

Well, the voices in my head have told me that Nintendo has actually been commissioned by the Belgian military to build super-soldier robots. You can't disprove me, I doubt you've even been to Belgium. These robots are out to kill us and I recommend sprinkling nutmeg in front of your doors and windows to keep them out.

Mr. T pitys the foo who cannot see the advantages of having the ability to gain instant happiness by putting an envelope inside of a bigger envelope and sending it to your idol. I mean, what's the worst that could happen besides getting a restraining order against you or perhaps an angry reply letter?

Do you think I'm lying? Fear not, for I have a reliable source to tell you I'm truthing. Harmonic Revelations agrees with me in full and you should not disbelieve what I'm saying no matter how far removed it is from reality or irrational what I'm saying is.

Spongebob Squarepants has shown me that in order to achieve happiness you need to send envelopes and letters in pretty ink and handwriting to strangers.

I have much credibility, remember my made-for-TV commercial?

Here's a transcript..

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Hi, Harmonic Revelations here! Are you having problems with supernatural stains like ectoplasm that just won't quit? Look no further, for the mere sum of 20 monopoly dollars, I can give you a magical vacuum cleaner with the ability to clean things you can't see.

But wait, there's more, if you order now, I'll throw in the ghost-fruit chopper and I'll DOUBLE the offer. This amazing bargain offer is yours, from the makers of "Voices in my head Jr." and "Spiritual Understanding in a Can"!

Call us at 1800-NARNIA-PORTAL, place your order today!

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See, I am trust worthy!

If I jumped off a bridge, you could be sure to trust me that if you followed we would both die, probably. So I'm clearly a role-model and pillar of the community. With that in mind, you should know that I have cured all of my medical conditions with wishful thinking taught to me by the Kung-Fu master Chin-Wa who lived during the 19th Dynasty of the Red Dragon, I ordered his instruction on Ebay for 10 bucks and he taught me such valuable things as Yoga and Telekinesis, which is very useful for holding back scratchers and the like.

So how do YOU get your hands on such power? You travel to the alien planet of Schmop and watch watch Dexter's Lab and it will activate your ability to do anything you want.

What does any of this have to do with anything? I couldn't tell you for free, *wink wink*.

To be continued.

This is a parody intended for comedic purposes, nothing in this is serious. This is not meant to alter your opinion of any parodies parties or persons mentioned or implied to be mentioned.. Please do not send me your money, either. In addition, if you're reading this without highlighting it or making it bigger by zooming in I envy your great eyesight.